dear_mun | (no subject)

...Do you really think it's just about what you 'allow the Twelve to create'?

[Maybe he should bite his tongue. Bad enough to get snippy with his own Jesus, but when he doesn't know where things might differ for the other pair, he really shouldn't. And yet.]

It's always a fight against progress. It's always a fight against your own ideals. You can't always be right, Judas.

[This guy is so much more angsty and whiny than the guy you know and love.]

I give what I can give but going backwards is not an option. Nothing I do lately is good to him. I wonder if he's not grown to hate me.

[Honestly he could deal with that much better. His is just too...sweet. It's too hard to be upset with him, it's like kicking a puppy.]

Of course you can't, but...things like the oil, you can't tell me there's any good reason for that! It's an issue of trust, and - and I thought I understand you, but apparently not.

[His pitch drops and he fidgets with the end of his tie.
And this guy is so much more nervous than the guy you know and love ~~to angrily sing at~~]

...I mean, probably it's about the same...and if so it's not hatred at all. Exasperation. He couldn't hate you.

[And push. And hug. And cry on. And cling to. And scream at. And flail at. And stalk away from petulantly-- It's always so complicated.]

If I could make you understand I would have. What I teach doesn't work like that.

[And he'd gotten stretched too thin. He's only human, Judas. The same as you. Only human but with the divine in his head.]

Did you ever hate him? [Your Jesus. Be truthful.]

It's just...it's like saying one thing and doing another. It's misleading.

[He pauses. That's a loaded question.]

I hated that he wouldn't listen to me. I lost respect for him, and resented every word he said. But...I never hated him. My love for him is too great.

I have never--

[No let's not get angry. Tone it down, JC. Tone. It. Down. Deep breaths. There you are.]

I don't know how to deal with his jealousy.

[Because it's never occurred to him to be jealous. Because he doesn't understand the friction with Mary at all.]

It's hard not to be, when you have to divide your attention...

And I mean, I get that, but... You could maybe not do things like dub one person 'the beloved disciple'. That would help.

[This one mostly just doesn't get along with John. Although he could certainly see how Mary would be an issue...]

[Now that's a bit confusing. Judas has always been Jesus' best friend. Right hand man. And Judas knows it too.]

I do my best to favour no man, no woman. The Twelve are as equal as possible.

[But that's not true. Judas has always been above them in some ways... Though Peter, the youngest, has been one to watch closely and look out for as well.]

Are they really, though? Anyone would be liable to play favourites with such a large group.

[Don't get him started on Peter. While he and Andrew live with Judas and are his greatest advocates...really how did that guy become Pope, keeper to Heaven, how is it that he's so important?]

[No idea. Trust him, if Jesus knew what popes would do, he'd have taught his flock to never, ever elect them!]

I've selected each of the Twelve for a reason. I just knew when I saw them and I love them all.

But is that love really equal? ...Especially now.

[Damn it, Judas! You always manage to get him all riled up! His jaw sets and he looks away.]

I'm doing my best. You-- He-- You just push buttons.

So I guess the better question is, do you hate him?

[There he goes, playing the whiny puppy again.]

How could I ever... No.

He's going to kill you, even though you're so close. You must hate him for that.

He's going to try and do what's right. He's going to try and save me.

It's cruel what it will do to him.

But I could never hate him.

[Judas smiles slightly - something very rare for him.]

Geez. You're just the same, that's ridiculous...

...but thank you.

I'm not sure that's something to be thanked for but you're still most welcome.

It is. No one else would say that.

[You might not be his, but you still get a hug.]

[That never stops being a shock. Especially with a different Jesus, even if their capacity for forgiveness seems all too similar.

It takes a moment to get over the surprise, and a pang of guilt (the deceiver doesn't deserve such things at all, he shouldn't even be allowed in Christ's presence), but he returns the hug.]

[Guilt may be unavoidable but Jesus isn't going to ever give his Judas a bad name. He'll probably think very poorly of the people that do.]

[Yep, just the same as his Jesus. He always comes to Judas' rescue, somehow...

He'll just cling to you a little, when he gets any affection from his dearest friend, even a different version, he's not about to let it go easily.]

There's no shame in needing to be looked after. [Go ahead, start cursing him for those annoying Gifts he has. And certainly no shame in wanting it.

W-who said anything about needing to be looked after...!

[It was implied, Judas, very much implied.]