davesprite: commence bitching about your mun looking for a game

[anachronologistics]

oh my fucking hell are you shitting me right now
dont think i dont see you surfing across the many throes of dw rp
like some lone wanderer traversing the great beyond to be reuinited with his loving wife and daughter
daydreaming of all the sick shenanigans you can throw me into like the the worlds worst babysitter
hey lets teach the baby to swim
toss him in the river hell figure it out
you are unironically the worlds worst fucking ninja and you should be goddamn ashamed of yourself
dont think i dont know what youre doing
i know what youre doing
and you know im about as close as the width of one of egderps nosehairs to ollying the hell out of here before you can keep doing it
that alley oop will be higher than the current gas prices and light up the goddamn beach like a lit christmas tree
lets synchronize this horseshit to a hearty helping of transiberian orchestra
hark hear the bells bipches
that fucking skateboard isnt gonna have anything on me by the time im done
can you believe how much this air this feathery asshole is getting its goddamn NASTY
oh and look that douchebag has wings so the air aint gonna stop there
beep beep motherfuckers this birds gotta fly
normally id say caw but i feel like beep is hella better at getting the point across
that point being i dont give a flying fuck what you think youre not sending me anywhere

this is all about that dating sim game isnt it
jesus fucking christ i knew i shouldve demanded royalties on that shit

dont you have real dave in your back pocket anyway??
i mean if you got him what in the hell do you want with me
like no shit its hard to find a game for him hes sort of the realer deal here
but that doesnt mean you gotta settle for dave version bird.0
the dave the taxidermists kid practiced the family business on by sewing a couple of wings and a ghost ass to
then got bored with and chucked to the bottom of the toy box to go and play with the squiddles
if you ask me hes hella better suited for your scifi horror itch youre so keen on wanting to scratch

...
yeah i guess its better than fairtyaleland though

Comments

[katydids]

[Beat.]

That's rough.

[anachronologistics]

What, the part about being plopped into a dating sim game, or the part about my mun being unironically the world's worst ninja and being totally non-translucent about the fact that she wants to stick me on a giant space station?

Not like I haven't dealt with enough goddamn psuedospace to last a couple universes blowing up.

[katydids]

I don't know.

[A small pause.]

Probably both, I reckon.

[anachronologistics]

Yeah, they're both battin' pretty high at the finish line. Might want to look at hammering that first-place trophy in half.

[A similar pause.]

Sup.

[katydids]

Not a lot.

[Please excuse her. Kid isn't very big on talking, least of all to birds.]

So do you eat bugs, or...?

[anachronologistics]

What? No, gross, man. That's the sorta thing I'd expected out of the trolls.

[Meanwhile, Davesprite can talk enough for about ten people, if he so desires. And, usually, he does.

(It should be noted, however, that his wings do flatten against his back, as if trying to hide them.)]

I exist on a pretty regular diet of apple juice and doritos. The only things that came with prototyping myself with a dead bird are the wings and a metric fuckton of creepy ghost riddles all wrapped up like creepy ghost burritos in creepy ghost puzzles, but I don't really care about all that.

[..... and a penchant for collecting shiny things, but let's be real here, he hasn't made that connection.]

[katydids]

Trolls, huh?

[Kid thoughtfully nods her head, as if she understands what this kid is talking about. She doesn't.

She manages to pick up on the apple juice thing, though. That's something to go off of, at least.]

I like juice too.

[anachronologistics]

Yeah. Protip, though: they have a preference for being referred to as brainless dipshit windbags.

[Juice is a good topic. Yes.]

Is there any other better thing with which to get your drink on? Fucking doubt it.

[katydids]

That's usually the case for things that eat bugs.

[Zing. Take THAT, predators!]

Probably not. Apples are pretty big, though. It's hard to get the juice out of them.

[anachronologistics]

Haha...

[Oh man!]

Well, yeah. But that's why you fetch it from the freshest bottle of Mott's you got hanging around in your closet where your Bro can't get it.

[Dave, honey, you're talking to a katydid.]

[katydids]

I don't have one of those.

[She could be referring to any number of things: A closet, a bro, a bottle of Mott's.

In fact, she doesn't even know what most of those things are, save for 'bro.' ]

[anachronologistics]

[Let's be real. 'Bro' is probably the most important one, anyway. Hmm.]

I see we're going to have to drop everything like it's hot, and get some learn on, here. Grab a pen and start takin' notes.

[There's a soft click through the air as he retrieves a Mott's bottle from the hammerspace of his sylladex, and he holds it up.]

This is Mott's. Granted, yeah, okay, it ain't from a closet, but I'm kinda on a tight budget and I gotta work with what I got here.

[katydids]

[Kid may not have a brother in the literal sense of the word, but she DOES have a side-kick who gets her out of trouble. Tate's sort of like a brother to her.

Of course, their situation isn't anything like Dave and his Bro, but Kid has no way of knowing that.]

There's juice in that?

[anachronologistics]

[To be fair, there's probably no situation in any known universe similar to Dave and Bro. Or Davesprite and Bro, by extension, because fuck, it ain't really right to compare them anymore.

All he does is give the bottle a little shake, hard enough to hear the juice sloshing around inside.]

[katydids]

Give me some.

[That was definitely more of a command than a request. Social tact isn't really her thing, and she really wants some of that juice.]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

omg my mun has not shut up about that dating sim
like all kind of neutral about it for a while
likes jane and terezi well enough but all luke warm for romancing
u popped up with your lil cute elbow feathers and shes all TAKE MY MONEY
basically that game is a terror on muns who r fans of elbow feathers

still dont get that real dave bullshit
like we already got fucking multiple timelines and time paradoxes out the wazoo
or time loops
so far we have avoided paradoxes?
eh mb i just played with enough davesprites and daves to notice theres a difference

games are totes fun though
like its nice to maintain cr
instead of hoping you can troll memeland
and find that person u played with before
hellz yeah i would like to continue this rad relationship
lets go
but games u get to keep that
even if it means the bad shit sticks
but the nice shit sticks too
scifi and fairytales are p fun
im in amnesialand myself

[anachronologistics]

Whoa there, cowboy. [Raising an eyebrow.] This stuff doesn't just grow on trees, and I ain't so keen on just dishin' the goods. You gotta work for it.

[anachronologistics]

yeah
that was my muns reaction too
like jades hot mom is ok
and who seriously wants terezis sharkmaw anywhere near their junk
but then my ghostly ass pops up on there and all of a sudden were having to roll her tongue back into her mouth like wiley coyote getting his dynamite boner on with the delivery of the multiverses biggest pile of tnt
shows over thats all folks
lets roll up the red carpet and get the fuck home
someone get a mop over here
oh my god its so fucking embarrassing

basically the only thing you need to know about me and real dave is that daves the alpha
and thats all there is to say on the matter

whats amnesialand

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

the teeth are pretty terrifying for makeouts ngl
janey is awesome tho
u shouldve seen tumblr
its kind of hilarious actually
and adorbs
everyone wants to romance davesprite with the pretty wings
squee lvls are overloading
gonna need to order extra buckets to hold all these extra squees
leaking all over the goddamn place
gonna bet right now
ur route is gonna be the one most people try first~

honestly the alpha thing confuses me
because then everyone calls my dave alpha dave
my dave being the dave who is dirks older bro
there are two alpha daves
which is why i say fuck the real dave thing
we already got other timelines going on
converging together
no one is any less real
actually why r there so many ppl with that problem
being real and not real
ridiculous really i think existing is a pretty good indication of real

it means that i got all my memories ganked out of my head
and skills
and i haveta earn them back
one by one
by playing games and winning with my team
and by playing games and earning this shit all back
i am reviving our universe because it apparently exploded and i am a fragment of whats left and fixing myself fixes it
along with tavros not that we have figured that out yet
but eh its not so bad
i get to socialize with a bunch of people
not like games that are potentially traumatizing are new to me that stuff just got ingrained so i could give no fucks about some of this terribad stuff
and i get to live in a place with a sweetass ballpit
overall i would give kyriakos a nine out of ten

[katydids]

Trees are exactly where apple juice comes from.

[She is having none of your nonsense Davesprite, give her some juice.]

[gavehead]

_{[ sure, he'll bite. ]}

hey.

_{[ nice, short, vague Bro greeting as per usual. ]}

1/?

[anachronologistics]

...

2/?

[anachronologistics]

....

3/4

[anachronologistics]

[keywords]

4/5

[anachronologistics]

[Jesus fucking Christ he should have expected this sort of bullshit.]