on finishing app for poly_chromatic;

[onlydancing]

A place like that... Is it like Heaven or is it like Hell?

The choice isn't mine or yours. It is up to God, where I will go. But will you rather send me to that place than let me receive judgement? You must trust in God's plan for me and not interfere with it!

I beg of you. Let me stand before God instead. I beg of you...

Comments

[thelesserman]

Judgment. Think you'll be forgiven?

[onlydancing]

I have committed many sins. Lived a sinful life, but still... in that last moment... I was able to extend forgiveness. Perhaps God will also forgive me.

[thelesserman]

That's an awful lot of negatives, though. What's your worst sin?

[onlydancing]

I gave up my belief in God's grace. It was so dark behind my eyes... I couldn't see...

[thelesserman]

So you lost your way.

[onlydancing]

I stumbled and I fell. In the darkness.

[thelesserman]

And if she brings you to that place, you might just fall again.

[onlydancing]

Do you know the darkness, Monsieur?

[thelesserman]

Depends. What's darkness to you?

[onlydancing]

To be unable to see the light ever again. To have no hope. That is true darkness.

[thelesserman]

Alright. Sure, I know it.

[onlydancing]

I can't see the light anymore, because of what happened - and because of that, I came to know of the true darkness. Not just the darkness before my eyes.

[thelesserman]

So, what changed?

[onlydancing]

I came back to Paris... to see that person so dear to me... But I didn't have the strength for a reunion. I only found out I was sick and dying. Knowing that... All of God's plans for me... I realised I could never know them, I could only accept... it all.

[thelesserman]

That's hope. One minute it makes you strong, the next you realize your dreams are all gonna turn to shit. Fucking classy.

[onlydancing]

But still we would be nothing without hope!

[thelesserman]

Guess not. You ever wanted something you couldn't have?

1/2

[onlydancing]

2/2

[onlydancing]

I used to be a ballet dancer. My brother, he choreographed pieces for us to dance. Now... I can't dance anymore.

[thelesserman]

Oh, shit. Bet you miss it like burning.

[onlydancing]

When I danced... It was the only time I felt God's love. It shone down on me like a warm light.

[thelesserman]

The only time?

[onlydancing]

Because we were born into a family without love, we only knew God's blessings from ballet.

1/2

[thelesserman]

[thelesserman]

At least you knew it, baby.

[onlydancing]

Has God's light never been shining on you? So that you felt like you were bursting from happiness?

[thelesserman]

Don't think God's all that happy with me, no.

[element_wizard]

I think it's more like limbo.

And it could be said that your mun is being controlled by the gods to send you there.

[onlydancing]

Do you believe? That it is God's plan for me, to go to that place?

[element_wizard]

I believe in my gods, if that's what you mean.

If you believe in predestination than yes it probably is your god's will that you go there. I know that muns have a sick sense of humor so they probably think it's funny to send you there. Make you question your faith and all those sorts of fun things.

[onlydancing]

I have already faced many trials. If it is God's will that I face more, then I will do so.

[element_wizard]

It must be nice to have that sort of faith.

[Alec believes in his gods but he doesn't Believe in them. He's far too jaded. Honestly, when you spend most of your life aware of the fourth wall... But he is being sincere with that statement.]

[onlydancing]

Once, I lost my faith. And as a result, I nearly took my own life... nearly committed such a great sin against God...

[element_wizard]

Well... at least you can die.

[onlydancing]

It is the only way, isn't it? To be finally reunited with God. It is why all humans can die and why they all will - but when God wills it, not when they themselves decide.

[unflagging]

Perhaps this, too, is judgment.

[onlydancing]

A part of God's great design? If my mun must send me there, I would like to believe that.

[unflagging]

And will you believe it?

[onlydancing]

I believe in God's kindness and mercy, despite everything I've been through. The harsh life I've led. I will believe in this as well.

[tenshinohikari]

What was the point of free will if you're always thinking everything's a part of God's plan?

Why do you assume He even cares?

[onlydancing]

It was my own decision, to try taking my life, but I want to believe that it was God's will that I didn't succeed. Yes, I want to believe that. So that I believe in a loving God...

[tenshinohikari]

Because you want to believe...

The human capacity for self-delusion never fails to astound me.

[onlydancing]

I could believe in an angry and vengeful God, but then I would be ignoring all the gifts that he has still bestowed upon me... Despite how I am carrying a demon's name and living a sinful lifestyle, he has given me Jean Paul for a brother... and He let me dance, feeling His light.

[tenshinohikari]

You're the one choosing what parts of your life are gifts from God and which aren't. I suppose what ever gets you through the day.

[onlydancing]

I suppose you're right. That all parts of my life are blessings from God, some just in the shape of trials that I must go through and learn from.

[son_ofpain]

Perhaps such a thing is part of your destiny, to not yet be judged but to... be part of something else first.

[onlydancing]

I'd like to think so, too. That if I am sent to that place, it is to learn something new first. Something that I must know before being judged.

[son_ofpain]

Something to lead you toward redemption?

[onlydancing]

Yes. Something to lead me... towards redemption. If a person like myself can be redeemed. When I am trapped in the darkness.