voicetesting and lecturing at the same time!!

[laundrysheriff]

There is a very distinct difference between humoring and encouraging, that I think you would benefit from learning. For example, actually registering this particular- what is it?

[ ... this is the woman that still needs to ask her nephew how to check her cellphone's voicemail inbox sometimes okay just give her a second ]

- username. Registering this username for me, it's only going to encourage his bizarre behavior. And the last thing Peter Parker needs is encouragement to carry on the way he does.

[ huffing and maybe muttering laundry sheriff, honestly under her breath as her mouth presses into a well-practiced Aunt May is Displeased frown. and then she adds; ]

Honestly, nobody washes the American flag. [ because it's serious freaking business ]

Comments

[murica]

With all due respect, ma'am, I'm fairly certain he'd carry on that way no matter what.

mashes mcu and not-actually-mcu together

[laundrysheriff]

[ oh Steve Rogers hello you're a nice man a good role model so instead of getting huffy she just gives him a quiet sigh ]

He wouldn't be my Peter if he didn't strive to drive me out of my mind just as often as he reminds me why I love him, I know. [ ... ] But it would be nice if he would just give me a straight answer every once in a while.

just like every fanfic ever

[murica]

To be fair, ma'am, it's not precisely an easy job. I'm sure he's just trying to spare you the worry.

cept this aunt may would never let anybody adopt her peter >:[ nope >:[

[laundrysheriff]

I'm always going to worry, there's no stopping that.

omg no never peter just swings around stark tower for free soda

[murica]

Mm.

[A beat. He offers, a little hesitantly:]

I can promise you we'll do our best to protect him. But I can understand if that doesn't help at all.

better be soda :|

[laundrysheriff]

[ AUNTMAYHUFF.GIF ] I know you will, and I trust you. It's nothing personal when I say I'm still going to worry. Especially because that worry extends to all of you. [ and before he can protest!! ] It's inevitable, and unavoidable. I've come to accept it, so you should too.

always. *always*.

[murica]

[He smiles softly, knowing when he's beat.]

I think Ms. Potts will appreciate the allies on the worrying-about-us side.

[500men]

...What, Peter Parker is doing something he shouldn't be? [color him surprised. seriously.]

For what it's worth it could have been a lot worse.

[Like his for instance]

[laundrysheriff]

Oh, it's not a matter of 'should' and 'shouldn't', he's alright. [ or right or wrong or anything like that, Peter's a good kid, she'll stand by that always ] He just has this habit of talking circles around me to avoid just answering me.

[snowstormed]

Least you didn't almost get something like "winteriscoming". [Thank god that one was taken.

And--excuse him, he's just going to snicker over here, that is literally his only comment to the American flag part.]

[laundrysheriff]

[ .................... she 700% doesn't get it but she gives him an appreciative smile all the same ]

Her first idea had something to do with "oh my god, meatloaf", I think. [ she looks concerned for a second ] None of it makes any sense to me. Why couldn't it have just been my name? Or my email address?

[ 1) it was omfgmeatloaf, and 2) her email is probably something like mbpparker36@yahoo.com which is super lame ]

[snowstormed]

[Lady, it's okay, he didn't get it either till someone told him.]

I think they just like it better if they can have a laugh at our expense every time they log in.

[bings]

( OMG AUNT MAY YOU'RE EMBARRASSING HIM he loves you a lot but oh my god. ) ...I can do my own laundry, Aunt May. Don't worry about it.

[laundrysheriff]

No, you may not. [ !! she's not shouting, like her voice isn't even raised, but it doesn't have to be. very very firm on this!! ] My favorite white blouse. It's purple now. Purple tie-dye! How-? [ rhetorical question - Peter just makes that kinda stuff happen, she's learned by now. it was probably something he left in his pockets, or some new detergent alternative he felt like using. something crazy!! ]

[bings]

( shit she didn't believe the american flag excuse like why is that so hard to believe it really shouldn't be. it's perfectly normal for him to be washing a flag right? patriotism. something like that. now he's got to get a better excuse. )

I left a....pen in my pocket last time. I'm sorry, it won't happen again. So can you pass the detergent back?

( aunt may you can't hold the laundry detergent hostage!! how is he supposed to get his suit cleaned )

[bings]

And -- I bet purple looks good on you. Why don't you like purple? I like purple. It's a good color.

( lOOK AT THIS LITTLE SHIT RIGHT HERE )

[laundrysheriff]

[ gdi peter you little shit she can hold the detergent hostage all she wants and she will because maybe she likes doing his laundry :||| ]

I like the color purple just fine, it's not th- oh. [ more like a hup! sound, like she's caught herself ] Flattery will get you nowhere, Peter. Not even the laundry room. And if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to hide something from me.

[ A POINTED PAUSE ]

Did you tear through the knees in your good jeans again? You know I don't mind mending them, if you would just tell me-

[bings]

( he's just going to kind of...squirm uncomfortably. though, he's gotten pretty good at lying over the past couple of months, and that makes him sad too )

I just fell off my skateboard again. They built a new park near Midtown.

[laundrysheriff]

Peter.

[ are you okay / what did i tell you about doing flipthingss and ollieloops / do you need a band-aid / are you okay / do we need to go shopping again / are you okay ]

[bings]

( nervousssssss smile, yep. )

You can fix them, right? ( because money's tight anyway, and he'll wear them with rips in them anyway if she can't. that's trendy or something, isn't it? )

[laundrysheriff]

You're just very lucky there's no rip that I can't patch.

[bings]

You're the best. ( 1000000% serious, though. )

[puny_parker]

I can promise you it'll all make sense eventually.

And if my younger counterpart's reading, you should probably just tell her what's going on already.

omg

[laundrysheriff]

[ just..... this..... face... ???? ]

Re: omg

[puny_parker]

...right, this is one of those times where I need to ease into the concept of alternate universes, isn't it?

Guess it's a little late for that now. Um...surprise?

Because clearly what we need here is MORE PETERS

[wallcrawler]

Wait, who washed the flag? Isn't that against the flag code?

[Peter Parker: Latching onto the most important parts of a conversation since never. also, technically it's not, but disagreements exist on whether or not it should ever be machine washed /themoreyouknow]

YUP

[laundrysheriff]

I always thought they were supposed to be hand washed. [ yo aunt may will talk about laundry all day ] But I don't think there's anything wrong with throwing it in the washer. Unless it stains all my good shirts red and blue, then there is something very wrong with it.

[busdriver]

[Oh, hey, Aunt May.

Melinda was literally just referencing Peter's parents in a conversation with Nick Fury the other day. That doesn't have to make this awkward at all, but the timing's interesting.]

Colors don't run.

[Though in practical terms that probably depends what the flag goes into the wash with.]

[laundrysheriff]

The colors of the American flag? Now see, that's what I thought. But you should have seen it- all of our clothes, red and blue.

[busdriver]

You have problems besides the flag, if he put all your clothes into one load.

Should've separated, read the labels. [Tch, boys.]

shh shh ignore the icons chrissy i got left with crap

[websling]

[oh, aunt may. it doesn't matter what universe you're from, your presence is always going to have the same effect on him. namely-]

Heeey. What do you mean "bizarre behavior"?

[yes, even in his thirties, he's reduced to acting like a kid. what can you do]

[laundrysheriff]

[ she laughs, at first, an oh you kind of laugh- but that stops once she realizes he's seriously asking her that, and maybe she should be more caught up in the fact that he's older and taller but nope, she just- ]

Oh, sweetheart. I didn't mean it in an entirely bad way.

[ which is Aunt May's way of patting him on the shoulder, more or less ]

You're always a little bit bizarre, aren't you?