old school muse came back or something

[toldyouitwasstupid]

You're a rather fickle woman, you know.

It's been, what, at least three of your planet's years since I was last acknowledged? With such fleeting loyalty the resistance has no use for the likes of you! Might I ask how long before you turn your back on us again?!

If you really are serious this time, then you're going to have to prove to me that I can trust you! Although I won't be holding my breath.
... Alright I will, but only to preserve oxygen aboard this ship. Bloody reserves are running out again...

Comments

[awesmazings]

Man, three whole years? Well gee, what have you been doing all that time? It's almost never quiet for that long for me..

[Well, Jimmy, you're a special case of a muse that will probably never shut up.
...also you haven't even been around for a year yet, so you don't count.]

[gazlookaliens]

Wow, another alien!

[Oh no, look who you attracted.]

Wait, according to the data I've retrieved from Zim's computers... you must be a Vortian! This is amazing! So you breathe oxygen too? Is that true of most alien species? Are there some who don't? What kind of makeup does your blood have? Do you HAVE blood? Is...

[Whoa wait a minute.]

...Hey, what resistance?

[toldyouitwasstupid]

Nothing, essentially. That's what's so frustrating! At this rate the Irken Empire will have conquered the entire universe before the resistance even has a chance to retaliate!

[toldyouitwasstupid]

Wuh--

[WAIT A MINUTE INDEED. Seriously Dib, slow down, you're kind of blindsiding him here.]

"Alien"? You aren't aware of species outside your own planet? Hm, your world must be highly underdeveloped...
Yet, you know of the Vortian people...
Who is this "Zim"? Tell me and I will answer your questions!

[gazlookaliens]

We're not THAT underdeveloped...

[But then, he asked about Zim. Fortunately, Dib is all too eager to talk about Zim. Unfortunately, it means uncorking yet another overeager rant.]

Zim is an Irken invader sent to conquer Earth! That's my planet! Fortunately I saw through his disguise and have managed to foil all his plans so far, but who knows what he'll come up with next!

[toldyouitwasstupid]

You've been holding back an Irken invader?! That's incredible! Even some of the most advanced races in the universe haven't stood a chance once their planet was marked for conquest!

[At least he's impressed. He'd probably be less so if he knew exactly what kind of invader Zim was, though.]

I must ask your name!

[gazlookaliens]

Really?

[Because even Dib has to admit that Zim's got a lot of really stupid ideas. And a horrible disguise. He's too ecstatic over the recognition this guy is giving him to ponder it for long, though.]

I mean, yes! I have! If Zim wants to conquer Earth, he'll have to do it over my dead body!

I'm Dib. What about you?

[toldyouitwasstupid]

Dib of Earth, it's an honor to make your acquaintance! Lard Nar, as you're aware of the planet Vort, but you may refer to me as Captain.

Captain of what, you may ask? Why only the finest resistance against the Irken Empire in the known galaxies! Dib of Earth, we would be humbled if you were to join us in our rebellion!

[If recognition and priase is what it'll take to recruit him, he'll give it to Dib in spades.]

[irkenmindtrick]

Don't fool yourself Vortian scum, Zim is hardly an Invader. He's actually kind of stupid, really.

And lucky there was actually a planet for him to stumble across. Most of us were hoping he'd just keep flying until he crashed into a sun or a black hole, or something.

[Seriously Zim if you can hear this just go die somewhere. Anywhere. Preferably painfully. And if you get a chance, repeatedly.]

1/2

[invasive]

... Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey.

[gazlookaliens]

Tak!

[Great, he just got invited to join a rebellion against Zim's entire empire and someone like this shows up.]

Hey, don't act so high and mighty! We stopped YOU from destroying the Earth too!

[invasive]

Shouldn't you be like, enslaved or something??

[toldyouitwasstupid]

[Wait, who is this? What's going on?? WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW, SOMEONE FILL HIM IN HERE]

Another invader...? Do you have more than one assigned to your planet?!

1/2

[toldyouitwasstupid]

Oh, you'd LOVE that wouldn't you?! Vile Irken scum! Mark my words that soon you will RUE the day you--

2/2

[toldyouitwasstupid]

... Wait, do I know you?

[You seem vaguely familiar to him, Zim. Like he's met you somewhere before, a long time ago...
He can't quite put his finger on it, though. Give him a minute here while he tries to remember.]

[irkenmindtrick]

Not sure how you managed it, considering there's about half a brain between you, Zim, and that stupid robot of his.

[irkenmindtrick]

STOP talking! Pay no attention to the pathetic human dirt-monkey, okay?

Planet EARTH has no real Invaders assigned to it. That idiot Zim only found that pathetic rock because we wanted him sent so far away from the Armada that he would never be seen again. Unfortunately, he found a PLANET out there.

[invasive]

You SHOULD! I am THE ALMIGHTY ZIM!! THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ENTIRE RACES ENSLAVEMENT!!

[Okay, no. Technically that was Invader Larb, but-]

HAHAHAHAhaha no but really, go back your subjugation, Vortian.

[gazlookaliens]

You're just sore that we DID manage it!

[If only because Gaz soda-cannoned Mimi's memory disk out, but.]

Thanks for the ship, by the way. I've already got it flying again!

[Dib turns back to Lard Nar for a moment.]

No, she just showed up to steal Zim's mission or something. It's kind of a long story.

[toldyouitwasstupid]

LIES! DISGUSTING LIES! Invader Larb was the one who conquered my people's homeworld, not--

[Oh. Now he remembers.]

... YOU! IT WAS YOU, BACK ON VORT RESEARCH STATION 9! WITH THE ENERGY ABSORBING CREATURE, AND THE INFINITE ENERGY PRODUCING THINGY! YOU CAUSED THE DEATH OF YOUR OWN LEADER WITH YOUR STUPIDITY!!

[irkenmindtrick]

You mean the one I literally built out of garbage, correct?

Remind me to blow it up.

[invasive]

Man, good times, good times...

I MEAN. THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR PITIFUL RESEARCH STATION! Tallest Miyuki is fiiiiiine. You know, just on vacation. Chilling out. Somewhere.

[toldyouitwasstupid]

[Between what Dib is telling him and what Tak is saying, Lard Nar's honestly getting rather confused, not to mention disoriented. He's not sure who to believe or listen to, although despite the fact they just met he's more inclined to take Dib's word over that of an Irken. So he turns to the human, rubbing his head in hopes it doesn't start to hurt.]

If it will help me to actually understand what's going on here, take as much time as you need to explain.

[toldyouitwasstupid]

SHE WAS EATEN! BY YOUR OWN MONSTER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!

[invasive]

Nope! Didn't happen that way at all!

[toldyouitwasstupid]

YOU KILLED A TALLEST! You're asking why I'm not enslaved, WHY AREN'T YOU EXECUTED, OR AT THE VERY LEAST BANISHED?!

[Even the Irkens can't be deranged enough to let off someone who caused their leader's death with just a slap on the wrist, can they?]

[invasive]

Oh, I quit being banished. It was getting in the way of INVADING, obviously.

[gazlookaliens]

Okay, well, I don't really know WHY Tak was after Zim's assignment or whatever, but she had this whole plan to pump out the Earth's core and replace it with snacks as an offering to their leaders! She built the pump under the guise of a giant hot dog stand, and I had to team up with Zim - temporarily of course - to put an end to it. We succeeded in switching off the pump and booting her back out into space!

Then her old spaceship crashed right in my yard; I've been working on restoring it ever since!

[That last comment is punctuated by a giddy grin and a bit of an excited little noise of glee. In spite of the trouble it's been, Tak's ship is still Dib's pet project and prized possession.]

[toldyouitwasstupid]

You... quit?
So you escaped?

[At least he WAS banished. Does that make Zim some kind of Irken fugitive?
He seems to think he's an invader though. Maybe he's just crazy.
Yeah, probably crazy.]

[invasive]

Twice! Pretty great, huh? I don't know how they made that kind of HUGE MISTAKE on their side, but it all worked out in the end!

[toldyouitwasstupid]

Good Vort, destroying you would probably be doing the Empire a favor!

[... He kind of still wants to though, only on principle.]

[invasive]

HA! DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH, HORNED-DIRT-WORM! YOU COULDN'T DESTROY ME IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT! GREATER BEINGS HAVE TRIED, AND I'VE RUINED ALL OF THEM!!

[imadeitmyself]

YER HEAD LOOKS LIKE A GOAT!

[irkenmindtrick]

It would be. Perhaps even enough to merit a favor in return!

[Spoilers: no. But hey, his species was conned into working for the Irkens before, right?]

[awesmazings]

Haha yeah, Irken-

...

Wait...what?

[You're gonna have to run that by him again.]