dear_mun | muse isnt sure she wants more attention (muse is AU)

[He shivers, starved of sisterly afection but knowing this isn't the same, and they he'll never have the same relationship with Minacchan again.]

Left her alone. Won't ever be the same. Can't go back to Minacchan. [Because that would mean leaving Ryoji, and he...he can't do that. Ryoji never abandoned him in all those ten years.]

Not on purpose... [Dare she ask?] Why can't you go back? Isn't she still there?

[Me? Aren't I still there, Mito?]

[So many terrible feelings about this. Guilt, shame, loneliness, heartache, pain... He nods, semireluctantly.]

...Can't. Can't leave SEES for Strega. Can't quit now. Can't abandon Ryoji. [Can't make this decision. There are no compromises, and nothing to help him. How is he supposed to choose between his twin sister and his only friend?]

[Strega? Ryoji? Sees? What? None of this makes any sense to her. All she knows is that this Minato is suffering and needs her.

That's the only thing that ever matters when Minato needs her, no matter the Minato.

Maybe she's using this one as some sort of penance for the rage and pain she knows is stuck between her and her own brother, but she almost doesn't even care. She pets his hair and kisses his head and holds him close.]

Can't have both? Can't you explain to both of them why they both matter?

[But... why is Ryoji on one side and Minako on the other?]

[She shakes his head, miserable. He's tried.]

Blames him and Aigis. Won't accept the're my friends. Doesn't think I'm safe in SEES. [And that hurts, more than anything else. That Minako thinks Ryoji and Aigis wanted to hide Minato away, or that they'd hurt him or wouldn't try to protect him if he got into trouble.

Minato trusts them. Minako doesn't seem like she trusts anyone - not even her own twin brother.]

[Poor thing... She doesn't know what to say, how to help. Not having that connection, that trust. That would be the... oh right, that's where she is too.

She hadn't noticed she was crying until the tears were soaking into Minato's hair. She tried to wipe them away, subtly, but he might have noticed. Still, she holds him tight, unable to offer anything but her presence.]

I'm sorry, Mito.

[He looks up, feeling the wetness in his hair. Despite his pain and the responsibility and weight he puts on himself, he isn't crying. His eyes are clear. Worried, troubled, but clear as an unclouded sky.]

Not your fault. No one's fault but mine. Okay? [He reaches up to brush away your tears - his touch is soft and gentle as a breeze.]

[She knows her Mito doesn't cry often, but this one... everything he seems to have gone through, the way everything is going to hell for him... she would expect it of him.

Guess no matter the crossing over she's still the emotional one.

And that touch, that most gentle of brushes he leaves across her cheek, it sparks something in her heart. She remembers how badly she misses her Minato, the one who died for her and everyone else. The stupid idiot who left her alone... Is he hurting as much as this one is?]

Not your fault either. It was an accident. You're so brave...

[She's trying to hold back the tears, for him, but they're coming still. Her own hand moves to cover his lightly, and she kisses his forehead.]

[He's so used to weathering horror and accepting what comes, it's hard to cry. Or maybe he spent so long crying that he can't anymore. He's determined to carry on, and won't give in come hell or high water.]

Never got a choice. Wanted to live. Had to be strong. [Ryoji helped him be strong.] Strong too. Can keep going. Know you can.

[He's trying to comfort you now, seeing you need it.]

[Brave and strong and stalwart, that was her Minato, in any universe. She wishes she could cry herself out. It seems lately that she can't do anything but cry, about anything and everything. She doesn't mean to hurt you more.]

Choice or no, you're so strong.

[God don't tell her that, no, you're going to make her cry more... She does need it though.]

I'm not, though. You don't... you don't know what I've done. Not strong. I'm sorry.

[She can't apologize to her own, so she'll apologize to you.]

[He keeps brushing away any more tears that come. Please don't cry, you aren't her but you're still....You're still Minako. You're still his big sister. The strong girl who was always rescuing him when they were little.]

Yours thinks you're strong. Cheering for you. Believes in you. [Remember who this boy shares a headspace with.]

[To her own surprise, she keeps letting him wipe away the tears, holding his back, letting herself drown in the mix of emotions being near a Minato draws out of her.

... And then he says that and she shatters. She takes in a sharp breath, realizing what's happening, and her eyes get wide.

Oh, god...]

He... he doesn't hate me?

[She really was sure of that, on some level.]

Can you.... can you tell him I'm sorry? [Not enough never enough but she has to try.

Doesn't think he could hate you if he wanted to.

[He's perfectly willing to be messenger. He knows how it feels to be clinging only to an indirect connection to something else - for ten years, Ryoji was his only link to the rest of the world. He's happy to be able to play that role for someone else.]

Knows already. Forgave you a long time ago.

[She takes a deep breath, shaking, trying to hold herself together. He doesn't need to see her break down. Hers doesn't need to hear about her breaking down. She presses another kiss to his forehead.]

Thank you... thank you... I... [What even does she say? How does she say it all? She's so used to not having to speak.]

You're wonderful.

[He wouldn't mind if you broke down. You seem to need it.]

Not wonderful. Not really. [His smile drops. He isn't the wonderful one. He's seen so many awful, horrible things...he's stained. Not wonderful, like Ryoji....]

You're being wonderful to me

[Its true... and it hurts her to the core that any version of her Mito might not know how good and supportive a person he is. She won't break down, for his sake.

He doesn't need to see that.

She pulls him in close again]

I never meant to hurt you. Any of you. Any of me.

Do my best. [A soft smile comes with those words. It's very honest, and perhaps happier than his others.

As much as he's been through, this Minato isn't hardened or bitter. He's still soft. He, like most other Minatos, loves life more than anything.]

Shhh, shh. [He won't say you haven't hurt anyone. That would be a lie, and an empty comfort.] Understand. Okay. Going to be okay.

[Her laugh isn't quite bitter, but it's not as honest as that perfect smile of his.] You always do.

[She loves how soft he is. He's almost softer than her Minato, or at least he seems so to her. Fragile and gentle. It makes her realize just how rough and broken she's become. It... it scares her.

She knows she's hurt people and can hurt people and probably will hurt them again... but deep down she never really wanted that. Especially not him. And oh, god okay there go the tears again with a vengeance.]

[He's a different kind of stubborn. Rather than a rock, which stands resolute against the current, he's more like a reed, bending with the flow and clinging firmly with his roots. That which bends will not break...

He holds you close now. If you can hear his pulse, it's steady and slow. He's here. He knows you need him, and he's right here.]

Believe in you. Both of us. Can do it. Can get through this.

[Minako remembers when she used to be able to adapt like that, to change with the currents and the times and be who she needed to be to survive, to make other's happy... to make Minato happy.

That feels so inaccessible to her now, shattering like clay all over this boy who isn't even her brother. He doesn't deserve the burden of her. Why is he still here putting up with it? Why is he holding her tighter? She doesn't deserve this.

She can't shake the desire to be selfish and accept it anyway, though.]

Th-thank you. I... don't deserve this but thank you.

[His features soften into his most accepting smile yet. He's happy just being here, being able to help you like this. He can tell you need it. And isn't that what he loves most?]

Doesn't matter. Have it anyway.

[That's exactly what Minatos love most. Helping people. And that hurts so much... knowing she's doing the opposite of that. Having lost her brother, she's lost sight totally of what he wanted for her.

It's just... so like him, to give her this comfort and kindness even after all the pain she's caused. Even if he isn't her's... not much changes.]

You really should hate me.

muse isnt sure she wants more attention (muse is AU)

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