SPOILERS IN THE POST AND COMMENTS 9.01 IS A MONSTER

[collegedropout]

[He is not happy, just so we're all clear. Good? Good.]

I let it go. I was ready, I was okay with it.

But I was okay with going with him, too; hell, he's the only reason I bothered sometimes. I just didn't expect this. He had no right to do this to me, after that goddamn heart-to-heart he pulled on me -- so much for thinking I could handle it, lying to my face. About something like this. This isn't some little white lie; this is an angel possessing my body.


[guess you really have to go the extra mile to deserve to die

N O T H A P P Y.

Season 9 is going to be painful ain't it]

Comments

fuck you show, fuck you

[perkynipples]

[ It feels an awful lot like being punched in the gut. Dean closes his eyes, tries to drown out the unsteady thudthudthud of his heart. It might not have been him that said it, but it didn't make it any less true - there isn't any him without Sam. That's just facts.

Hearing Sam's been that close to the edge and not being able to change it, though? That's even worse.

Two deep breaths in, and Dean squares his shoulders, hands fisted. ]

I didn't know what to do, Sammy. I couldn't let you do that- finish the trials but I could just let it all go to shit when you stopped.

[ He's not saying it was a good decision, but it was the right one, wasn't it? It saved him. ]

[collegedropout]

You know I'm not mad because you saved me.

[Jeez, Dean, you're a fucking blockhead sometimes.]

Hope you're ready for the fallout. Because there's always a fallout.

And you'd better pray that this angel won't just keep my body once he's back to normal.

[perkynipples]

[ Hey, lying and saving went hand in hand here, champ, in case you forgot. Add that to the fact that Sam's mad about the lying, and- well, you're mad about both. ]

Nothing's ever easy.

[ And he bristles up at the idea of Ezekiel keeping it. No chance in hell. ]

I won't let him. Cas seems to think he's good people, but - [ lol well CAS. ur judgment so good baby ]

[collegedropout]

[Wow, good logic, Dean. Lying and saving aren't the same shit here.]

I won't be happy. Even worse than now. You screwed up -- I'll learn, and I honestly don't know what'll happen. With my history of possession and my issues with losing my memory? It's not gonna be some hugging session to work it out. You'll need to accept that -- especially if I figure it out before I can live on my own power.

Hopefully it works out. But nothing ever does, so I'm not holding my breath.

[perkynipples]

[ yeah his logic is A+, don't hate. ]

I'd rather have you hate me and alive than dead without trying anything.

[ It sounds so awful when he says it like that (because it is) but he doesn't take it back. He can't look at Sam when he says it, but the words tumble out of his mouth all the same. ]

We'll figure something out. We always do.

[collegedropout]

[He knows. Of course he knows. He'd rather you hate him and be alive, too.

But that doesn't fix anything. And he's still pissed.]

'We'? Yeah, great. Figure something out while you have absolutely zero faith in me, flat out lying to me, thinking I can't handle choices about my own body. I'm sure it'll be a wonderful time for me, thanks. Nothing like having a brother who can't put you on equal footing.

Are we done here?

[perkynipples]

[ He knows.

It's a problem, and they keep running into it - one of them (usually Dean) does something fucking stupid and now he doesn't know how to fix it. ]

You - Goddamnit, don't you dare put words in my mouth. I have faith in you, Sam. I trusted you to do the fucking trials, but faith has nothing to do with what happened.

I did what I could do at the time. I know it wasn't a decision anyone's leaping for joy at, but it was what I had.

[collegedropout]

[ tiredly: ]

Am I supposed to feel like you trust me or have any sort of faith in me right now?

[perkynipples]

[ WOW HOW ABOUT THAT TELLING SILENCE, SAMMY ]

[collegedropout]

... Great.

Because I'm really feeling it right now.

[perkynipples]

There isn't a good answer, okay.

[ And he can't even look at him. ]

[collegedropout]

Didn't think there was.

[He looks at Dean, even if he doesn't look back.]

Guess there's not much to answer to. It's not like I know what's going on.

[That's all there is to it. You left him in the dark.]

[perkynipples]

I'm sorry.

[ There's a real lack of sincerity in terms of what he's sorry about - he's not sorry he did it. He's sorry he had to. That he had no other choice, that this is what he picked. ]

[collegedropout]

Doesn't really matter, telling me here, does it?

It's not enough.

[You let him down, Dean. Let him fall flat on his face.]

[perkynipples]

[ Hey, fuck you, be grateful you got anything at all, okay. Dean bristles in an instant. ]

Yeah, well, 's as good as it gets.

[collegedropout]

I figured.

[What, is he supposed to be in a good mood over here, Dean?

He's just too tired to bristle back.]