SPOILERS IN THE POST AND COMMENTS 9.01 IS A MONSTER

[collegedropout]

[He is not happy, just so we're all clear. Good? Good.]

I let it go. I was ready, I was okay with it.

But I was okay with going with him, too; hell, he's the only reason I bothered sometimes. I just didn't expect this. He had no right to do this to me, after that goddamn heart-to-heart he pulled on me -- so much for thinking I could handle it, lying to my face. About something like this. This isn't some little white lie; this is an angel possessing my body.


[guess you really have to go the extra mile to deserve to die

N O T H A P P Y.

Season 9 is going to be painful ain't it]

Comments

[erikano300]

[Nothing wrong with occasionally borrowing bodies. It happens. What's so wrong with that?

It thinks it's perfectly kosher. The ten foot tall creature chimes in what almost seems like a condescending manner.

Some people are just so sensitive.]

[grandchester]

What happened Sam? What went wrong?

[collegedropout]

[Oh — hey there, grandpa, how're you.]

I, uh. ["I decided to die and Dean totally cockblocked me and lied to my face and let an angel possess me." That might be a bit intense.] Something happened to me back home, and my brother did something he knew I wouldn't like.

[that's it that's the show]

[collegedropout]

[... yeah what the hell are you

stop ruining my angry streak with your condescending ethereal bullcrap]

[grandchester]

[ Not dead so that's looking up? ]

What happened, what did he do? Sam I know things weren't going great when I -

[ When he died. ]

- we last spoke, but if I can help?

[collegedropout]

It's probably not something that can be helped. Unfortunately.

I was -- leaving. I trusted Dean to get me out of it... and now, I've basically got an angel stuck in my body riding shotgun. After they wiped my memory clean of a big chunk of time before the fact. Guess they don't trust me with the info, knowing they tricked me into carrying an angel around in my body.

So much for trusting me to handle things.

[ U G H ]

[grandchester]

That's horrible.

[ Let him think about this for a moment. ]

Leaving- what do you mean by leaving?

And what do they expect to happen when you find out? You seem quite capable to me, why wouldn't they tell you what is going on?

[erikano300]

[No it's going to stand here and be condescending at you until you acknowledge it.

It knows it looks a touch different from your angels, but it believes it radiates the right amount of holy light to be properly considered here.

Hey. Don't ignore it. Look it in the eye. All sixteen of them.

[perkynipples]

You were going to die.

[collegedropout]

It's complicated. But -- I was dying.

[There, he said it. Even if he's strangely embarrassed to admit it. Maybe because he was supposed to let go and hang out simultaneously; stay alive, because Dean needed him. And maybe that's just not in the cards. Maybe he was supposed to actually die.]

They're worried I'll kick the angel out, even though it's keeping me alive.

[Dean was maybe right about it, of course. He probably would have fought tooth and nail and walked into the light, knowing that was their 'plan'. But it still didn't give him the right to trick him, manipulate him like that. Not even a little.]

[collegedropout]

[... Squint.]

The staring is getting uncomfortable.

[collegedropout]

You're trusting some angel you barely met and left me in the dark about everything, after all that crap in the chapel, after all the mistakes and bridges burned.

I trusted you and you manipulated that trust.

You had no right.

it sucks when i think it's a stupid fucking idea too and he should tell sam SIGH

[perkynipples]

I can't- Jesus, Sam. If I told you before you were better and you booted his ass to the curb, then what. Then you're dead.

It's not like I was rolling in options, okay.

[ he's not saying it's right, goddamnit. ]

life is hard man

[collegedropout]

It's not the limited choices in plans that's pissing me off most here.

So you're going to just hide it from me? It's my soul and body, Dean, not some fucking -- hot potato you get to toss around and hope doesn't hit the floor. You should've told me out of the gate, no matter what could've happened. It's supposed to be my choice, not some half-assed manipulated consent!

that whole ending ep was like "dean can u not"

[perkynipples]

I was gonna tell you.

[ Not that it means a goddamn thing. He's going to tell him. He's going to, just as soon as he's better, probably. It's just until he's better, damnit. ]

I'm not saying it was a great idea, okay, but it was the only choice we had right then. And what the hell was all that about seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and then you go and nearly tell Death okay, sure, sounds great!

[erikano300]

[Squint back.

It doesn't mind that it's getting uncomfortable. How well do you understand angel, Sam? It's chiming at you softly, and some of those chimes might sound distinctly like words.

There doesn't seem to be enough of you to possess, to be honest.]

[collegedropout]

[Well... he understands some Enochian but...]

Oh -- So you're angelically judging me.

[Seems accurate in contrast to Sam's life.]

[erikano300]

[A little bit. But not a lot.

It hovers its hand over his head. It is, after all, ten feet tall.

Just seems a bit cramped in there.]

"DEAN NO BAD"

[collegedropout]

You didn't let me make a choice. You decided I couldn't handle it and you wiped my memory.

[IT WAS REALLY FUCKIN' RUDE.]

And I'm sorry if being in a death coma made me consider maybe it was my time to die. I could have gone out kicking and screaming, could've just hovered around until I turned into a goddamn ghost -- or I could have walked away and been at peace with everything for once in my life.

[He sighs tiredly, running a hand through this hair.]

So yeah. I picked the latter. But I also picked you, when you said you needed me back. So I trusted you.

[And you're fucking it up.]

it's too early for this bullshit dean winchester

[perkynipples]

Because you - [ yeah, okay, not the thing to say to him, that he can't handle it. Dean exhales one harsh, shaky breath. ]

Don't you get it, Sam? You aren't supposed to die. [ wait no. ] Not like that. That's not how it's supposed to go, okay, you're supposed to - we talked about this. You should have just fucking trusted me to figure something out before trying to skip off to the great beyond with Death.

[collegedropout]

[He shifts uncomfortably. Angels getting this close, being so clearly in their normal form, isn't something he likes; he's had enough of the looming, right before torture and degradation.]

I'm not exactly a work of art, yeah, I get it. Thanks.

DEEN PLS

[collegedropout]

Don't you dare say I didn't fight hard enough. [He steps up, angry and hurt.] Don't you dare, after all the years I've tried to live because of you. Don't you fucking talk to me about trust when you've lied to my face. I let go; I asked you what I needed to do. I stopped the Trials that could have saved lives, paid for my mistakes, for you. I did exactly what I was supposed to. And then I went into a fucking coma I couldn't just pop out of. So yeah, maybe I thought it was my time. Sometimes we die, Dean; that's what humans do.

But that's not what this is about, is it? So don't you fucking put the blame on me for what you're doing, because this is all on you. The lying, the tricking, that's on you, not me. You didn't tell me what I deserved to know. What I deserved to decide, after all the shit we've been through.

[erikano300]

[I didn't say you weren't pretty.

Just short.]

DEAN PLS NO PLS DONT DO THE THING DEAN

[perkynipples]

[ He fucked up. There's no other way of putting it- he knows he fucked up, but it doesn't matter. Sam's alive, he's not going off to skip through fucking flowers with Death, he's alive and while he isn't well, he's-- Dean has him. It's selfish, it's horrible and selfish and horrifically codependent and Dean feels terrible about it but there's only so much he an apologize for because if given the same chance he doesn't know if he could make any different decision. ]

You think I don't know that? Hell, Sammy, I've watched you die more times than I like to think about.

I tell you and you boot out the angel and you die. I didn't have a lot of options, goddamnit.

[collegedropout]

[He half-laughs, mirthless.]

Try watching someone die over a hundred times. Try burying them twice with your own hands.

[He needs something to drink.]

You should have told me, knowing that. If I wanted to boot the angel, that's my option. You can't just go around deciding how people's lives are going to go for them, Dean.