dear_mun | Fingers crossed for asgardeventide

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Fingers crossed for asgardeventide

Yo. Vault hunter, vault hunter yo. Vault hunter! Vault huuuunnnntterrrr ! HEY YO VAULT HUNTER WORD UP MY GURL!!

Yo, yo, yo Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo... yo!

Y~y~y~y~y~yooooo! Yoyoyoyoh~ yo0o0o~ It sounds so weird when ya say it over an' over, an' over agains~...

Got ya attention yet? Hey look! Vault hunter lookah me! Look at Meeeeee! Its Tiny Tina in the hizzouse! For realz yo, I gots a super fly mission for you!

Finally!~

Okay so, I need ya to hand in d'application for me over at the illustrious world of Assguardevendies.... Say what? That's not what it's called? Gurl! Ya best shut that mouth, I know what it's called! I'm jus' tryin' to add a lil flava to the equator-... Equation... Ugh! I oughta pimp slap ya for correcting me all da time! It's my goddamn post!.... Aww baby I take it back, I can't stay mad atchu, lookit that face, c'mere an' give Tina a lil sugar. Dats better. HM!

You'll need to rewrite some of it, I kinda got tea an' oil on the copy I was workin' on, whoopsie. Come back an' see me when yas done an' I'll give ya some eridium. Now get outta here, I need some time alonez with my main squeeze Mushy Snugglebite~ OH! An' Enrique is huuungy, be a doll an' pick him up some crumpets on ya way back wouldja?

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Crumpets~?

Why it just so happens I have a steaming hot plate right here Gurl!

How'd you like to try some with my special Cotton Candy jelly spread?

Being a connoisseur of the fine-ass things in life, I gots to axe... Du fuck is a cotton candy jell spread?

[Is it like a salad? I hope it's like a salad.]

But sure gurl, lay it on me! Crumpets are cruuunk I ain't had one in fiveeva!

[And Harley, being Harley produces a plate of fresh warm crumpets with blue and pink sticky spread on top of each one. The spread is actually glittery somehow]

It's what all the fancy parties of clamoring for in the parlors of Milan~

[Tina makes a noise, a low warbling, wet drooling sound. Oogling over the pretty girly looking crap spread over the crumpets.]

Damn Shawty, ya just made a gurl real happy. Its like I've died an' gone to the warm heavenly heaven of all thin's warm an' spongy... Spongyspongyspongyspongy~

[Cue the grabby hands annnnnd this will be Tina stuffing one into her mouth right about now.]

[Harley just cackles and pets the girl on the head]

Well elegant ladies like yourself deserve only the best in life! And there's no lady more proper then a lady who knows her way around explosions like you do!

[Why yes, Harley is a fan. Why do you ask?]

[Oh man, physical affection? That's nice, she ain't even hugged no one since Roland was around...]

Yea, I have to agree on agreeing with ya rather agreeable.. Thing ya just said then.

[Oh Tina is using her 'dressy voice' she's clearly flattered and impressed by Harley. Butering her up like those crumpets sure is doing the trick.]

Ya also a lady who enjoys the beauty of splosives? sweeeeeeet~ I gots a few on the go back in ma workshop, top secret an' all that jazz.

Oh ho ho~ Top secret? They must be super important!

[A gracefully twirl and a bow producing what looks like a pack of gum]

Here's a little something Mister J cooked up. He's such a smarty pants! Grenade gum~

[Popping a stick of it in her mouth she chews thoughtfully.]

I'm Harley Quinn by the way. I like to dress up like a jester and cause mayhem.

[Pulling the wad of cum out of her mouth she casually chucks it back over her shoulder. When it hits the wall it explodes with surprising force given it's small size]

They are~ But I'll give ya the scoop. See, they're a pair of hot ass twins~ Bazongazzas that could cause a splosion just from clappin' together.

[Making a gesture at her chest, suggesting her new bombs plush body to be...'well rounded' shall we say?]

Oooh dat candy?

[Tina was caught up in Harley's actions, spreading her own arms she tried to copy her.]

Harley eh? Ya real pretty~ Oh oh! I'm Tina, I like to put a little bomb in the hot ass damsel, blow stuff up and make people die~♫

[Okay, song singing aside, Tina stopped and stared all jaw dropped in awe.]

.... That's the coolest thing I have ever seen, ever... [A grin] Imagine if someone swallowed it on accident, whoopsie~

[Harley grins wickedly and cackles like the madwoman she is]

Exactamundo! I knew you'd appreciate them as much as you appreciate fine food and ladies with curves~

[She gestures with her hands on her own body and shaking her hips just slightly]

[She is a glorious vision of heaven bestowed upon the psychotic 13 year olds eyes~ Someone just found a new role model me thinks.]

..... Oh daaaaaayum, you lookin' good...

[Don't mind her staring! Part of her is just admiring how womanly~ Harley looks. The other half is admiration and jealousy, someday she'll hopefully fill out to become a hot ass babe just like you!]

Why thank you~ Coming from such a classy lady like yourself it's an honor babe!

Here. You'll love this I bet. One second!

[She dashes off around a corner]

[And comes back in her classic costume seconds later]

Ta Da!

Hot damn~ Whatcha do with the sweet sista I was jus' talkin' to?

[She would laugh, if she wasn't too busy trying not to choke on her own drool.]

If Moxxi had a hooter twin, it would be you~... it would sooooo be you... Shit, howja even make curves like that? ...

[She falls to her knees at Harley's feet, staring up all starey-eyed.]

It's like you were made from the same cookie cuter that makes 'em badass chocchips... Mmmmmh~

[Harley soaks up the praise and adoration, reaching down to stroke Tiny's cheek and cup her chin]

I love cookies too! After we finish our crumpets how about we take some of my explosives and go knock over a bakery?

[Owen just looks at Tiny Tina with an expression that blatantly says "really?"]

If I may ask, who is "Mushy Snugglebite?"

[The expression Owen gives her, is met with the rolling of her lazy eye and a slightly crooked smile.]

Hm? She's my main squeeze. Babies got gut stuffed with dynamite and a booty like POW~ Here! I keep her hot ass picture close to my heart, lookit.

[Pulling a crumpled up photo from the pocket of her apron.]

[That...is a stuffed rabbit. Owen decides just to roll with it because sure why not.]

A rabbit stuffed with dynamite? How...interesting.

Aw hell naw! Ya didn't jus' call a fine ass lady such as thee voluptuous Mushy Snugglebite a 'rabbit' didjah?

[Arms crossed and foot tapping.]

'Cause let me a'sure ya somethin' ...

[Hiding her mouth with the back of her hand, leaning in to whisper to Owen.]

She ain't no lady, if ya know what I mean? wink wink.

[...Well. This is new.]

You're planning to go to Asgard?

[Holy crap! Another teenager?! Awesome~ ]

That is correctamundo! I shall be arriving on the back of the majestic Buttstallion~ She's a real diva, jus' so y'all know, a welcome party isn't needed but would be advantages in gettin' on her best side. The world of Assguard will never have seen a bunkermaster as ghetto fabulous as the beautiful Buttstalion~

[The Unicorn is defiantly not going to be heading to Asgard... The news of that is yet to be disclosed to Tina.]

[Well, sorta kinda teenager, sorta kinda ten years old. It's complicated.

Anyways, this... person is the important matter at hand. Ryoji doesn't understand half of what she's saying, but her enthusiasm is definitely contagious. He laughs and offers a nod.]

Then I'll be sure we organize a party for her! It's a pretty nice place, so you're pretty lucky. It's not usually a horror game.

[Yeah, there's that event later in the month, but it could be... much worse. Not that he's speaking from experience or anything...]

[Ten? Well that's only three less than Tina! So much in common already.

Oh it's okay, most people don't understand Tina all that much either. Just pick out the parts you can guess around? That's probably how most people work out what she's saying. The laugh is pleasing though! His chuckle makes her chuckle too!]

Oh get out of here gurl! Ya really gonna throw us a party? Best day ever!~ Okay, okay shawty, ya gonna need crumpets an' salad, is there salad there ins Assguard? Cause it's prolly my main fave at the moment, I mean it's all good if there ain't it's not like I have a problem, I ain't I'm a-dick-ted or nuthin...

[Anything is nicer than Pandora, believe me, it will be a breeze.]

Is it more like a fantasy game? Cause I jus' got dun playin' the shit outta Bunkers and Baddasses!!

[Oh, they'll get along perfectly.

And that's definitely what he's doing! It seems a bit like she's speaking a different language, which makes it kind of interesting. Where did she pick up this kind of stuff?]

I'd be happy to! I mean, I don't really have enough money for a big party, but I'm sure I can figure something out.

[Geez, he's really going to need to find a job, especially if he wants to move in with Minato at some point...]

I think we have that kind of food somewhere. I actually know someone who cooks pretty well too, so I'll see if he can help me out.

Well, it is a lot like a fantasy game! There's gods and giants, and we each get special powers so we can help with the war between the two of them. I think what you get depends on your house, though. Do you have any idea where you're going to end up?

[Awesome~ Collecting friends closer to her own age is probably something that Tina will benefit from.

As for her vocabulary? She's blaming the Vault hunters, yup! Blame it all on them trash talking baddasses!]

Well shit, if cash is what ya need, lets go see Claptrap! He might have some jobs for ya!

[Tina would be happy to stay sleeping in her workshop, but this vault hunter of hers is making a push to get her some place better.]

Hold the phone, didjah just say someone can cook ... Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Thank god for that! Like, just between you an' me, I had all the food dispensers wiped out on account of them supportin' the raisin abominations...

Oh! Uh my house? That's easy, I'll be going to Loki's rad pad. I said who's house~ Loki's house,SAY WHAT! Who's house~

[Don't mind her as she bursts out into a little song and dance.]

[Geez, yeah, she could use some... sane company. Ryoji will be sure to introduce her to some of his friends.

Tiny Tina, are you really sure Vault hunters are the best example for you to follow?]

Claptrap? Who's that? I mean, it's really okay, there's jobs in the city too. I can't be a bouncer like Akihiko-sempai, but there's got to be something that even I can do.

Ah, yeah. He's someone in the Hel house, like me. I think his name is Shinji? [Yeah, he only heard about him from Akihiko, hence the nickname.] I saw he can make ramen from scratch, so I'm sure he can make you something good!

Loki's house sounds fun, though! Maybe you can teach the others your little cheerleading routine.

Oh, good, go get you and your Valut Hunter stuck on some stupid back water planet. In fact, the longer you stay there, the better really. Should I help? I can help. I'll write a fantastic application for you.

Daw~ ya gonna miss me? Dat's okay! I recorded a message for ya should such an incident happen, BREAK IT DOWN. Ahem.

[Fuck you Jack. Fuck you. Have a lovely recording of Tina singing a poem she wrote all by herself for you;]

Kill Jack. Kill Jack. Kill Jack kill Jack kill Jack KIIIILL JAAAAACK! Kill Jack. A poem by Tiny Tina.

[sarcastic clapping. he's got it down to an art.]

Oh man, that's beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye and everything. One tear for Tiny Tina's poem.

[and Tina gives a lovely curtsy~ Please note the middle fingers flipped up on each of her hands.]

You should cry bitch! Me not bein' there blowin' up all ya supplies with my bootylicious splosives, is gonna leave ya with nothin' to do!

Hmm... I shall throw one of my famous ass tea parties in your honor, ya cordially invited so your ass best not be late!

[Note to self: Make a list of awesome ways to kill Handsome Jack]

[Sorry Tina, but you aren't being given an option this. You will now find yourself on Brick's shoulder.]

Goddamn I have missed, you, girl. Shit's been too damn quiet up here without you to liven things up. How 'bout we take a little stroll down a crowded street and blow the ever-loving fuck out of anything that moves.

[He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a Bonus Package Grenade Mod.]

I even got ya one of these bad boys.

[As if Tina minds! Far as she's concerned this is the best seat in the house!!]

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!

[Someones excited~]

Word up Brick! Dayum did you get bigger? It's hard to breathe up here on top of Mt. Slabs!

[Brick just made her day. Have the lil lady hugging that shaved head of yours Brick, nuzzling her cheek into the bristles of his hair.]

Scrichyscritchyscritchy~ For me? Why monsieur, shouldn't have~

...Wherever you get sent, I hope it's far away from me. Must you talk like that? It's very unbecoming for a lady!

[And Remilia may like novelty, but... she finds this little blonde too much.]

[Wow, is... Is this what being chastised sounds like? Tina has no idea what the point they are trying to make is, so~ instead of listening, she decides to slowly reach into her apron pocket... Pull out a handful of dice and rolls them by throwing them at the rater uppity lady.]

You have been cornered by a sexy maid under the influence of the Handsome Sorcerer! To defeat her and her etiquette lessons roll a 6 or above! SURPRISE ATTACK! ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!

[Yea, sorry... Tina is making a game out of this.. Good luck with getting her to take you seriously.]

[If she had any idea who this is, she'd be diving for cover right now. And delivering a Gungnir to the face.]

Gah, what are you...!? What that supposed to hurt me? I've dealt with fairies that are a bigger threat!

[She never got called that before, considering she doesn't look much older than Tina herself.]

Ah, pardon me. Was any of that English?

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Fingers crossed for asgardeventide

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1/2

2/2 This really is just too perfect

I love your Harley~ <3 Tina is far too excited about all this!

Thank you~ If you ever wanna play elsewhere I have three games she's in, one that has no apprequired

aaaah yes I love Tiny Tina so much. c:

And she loves you too girl <3

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Tiny Tiiiiiiina

Oh snap son~ Is that a Ryoji!? ◕‿◕

It is a Ryoji that would be happy to see you at Asgard~

Well shucks, best make sure I get in so these two can hang out!

I wish you luck! <3

Thank you cutie~

Not that cute >///<

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BRICK!!! ♥!!

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