Loki Odinson (
jotunblooded) wrote in
dear_mun2013-09-21 02:02 pm
Entry tags:
Mun just got her hands on "Thor: the Dark World" prelude
Why are you so surprised? Everything happened exactly as I planned it to. Odin's plans for me are well and truly ruined. If victory is impossible, sometimes smashing the game board is an acceptable alternative.
I am even back home at long last! Or at least until he decides that trading me away to my old masters for the good of Asgard is one way to be rid of me without upsetting moth- [Loki bites off the word and hastily corrects himself.] without upsetting the Queen unduly. I would live for a long while yet, if he did, after all.
And as for her... [Loki's jagged smile falters at the edges.] Well, in the end, she is only making things harder than they have to be. At least death would have been a proper end to it, making us free of each other for good and all. But she persists in her affections, all the same. I suppose it must be a hard habit to break, after all this time. Truly, Asgard is stronger for her. I know that. And...whatever happens in the days to come, I wish her well.
...he called me 'Laufeyson'. I would rather be no one's child at all. I killed Laufey by my own hands, for him, so I suppose that I am now. Please don't make that face. You're only making this harder than it has to be, too.
I am even back home at long last! Or at least until he decides that trading me away to my old masters for the good of Asgard is one way to be rid of me without upsetting moth- [Loki bites off the word and hastily corrects himself.] without upsetting the Queen unduly. I would live for a long while yet, if he did, after all.
And as for her... [Loki's jagged smile falters at the edges.] Well, in the end, she is only making things harder than they have to be. At least death would have been a proper end to it, making us free of each other for good and all. But she persists in her affections, all the same. I suppose it must be a hard habit to break, after all this time. Truly, Asgard is stronger for her. I know that. And...whatever happens in the days to come, I wish her well.
...he called me 'Laufeyson'. I would rather be no one's child at all. I killed Laufey by my own hands, for him, so I suppose that I am now. Please don't make that face. You're only making this harder than it has to be, too.

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Loki looks genuinely offended that Thor is even asking this question.] Of course I remember. He was there to pick us up after that explosion.
You were very good at making it look like an accident, by the way. Under any other circumstances, I would have been impressed.
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It was an accident! Had you not set the Bifrost to destroy Jotunheim, I would not have had to destroy it!
[Aaand no. His anger gets the better of him and he reaches for Loki's shoulder, hoping to grasp him and look him in the eye.] Do you truly believe I think so little of you?
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The question stops him, however, just for a moment.]
...yes, I do. I have for a very long time. [Why wouldn't Thor think that little of him? If he doesn't, then he should.] That...obviously bothers you.
[Hopelessly naive, hopelessly sentimental, utterly terrifying fool that Thor is.]
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[Thor is not blind enough to miss that much of Asgard already distrusted his brother before his madness.
He remembers what it was like, in that small human cell, to believe that he had killed his father and been rejected by his mother. He would not have wished that pain on anyone.]
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Odin has made it clear enough that he bears me no love.
[...and then he falters somewhat.]
As for...as for the Queen... [He visibly stumbles trying not to refer to her as "mother".] ...she is the only reason I am not going to be executed, it seems. No, I do not doubt that she cares, for her own reasons. [He just isn't sure that it matters. "You will never see her again". That had hurt to hear, far more than it should have.]
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However-] For her own reasons? Loki, you know our mother. It is not in her nature to use those she loves for her own gain.
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They're probably reasons quite similar to Thor's. And Loki always thought Frigga was the one he had the most in common with.] I never intended to imply otherwise. That was poorly spoken of me.
...does love really matter, after everything that has happened? [Thor seems to be placing a lot of faith in such a nebulous, uncertain, painful thing.]
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While you cannot avoid the consequences of your crimes, there is no need for you to continue down the road which has led you to them. You can take your place amongst our family again- things can be as they were before.
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...he actually believes that Thor is sincere. That's almost worse. Because even if Thor believes what he's saying, things can never be as they were before. Loki didn't know what he really was, before, and Odin would never let things go back to the way they were, even if Loki wanted them to.
There's a part of him that does want that, though. And so, because even listening to Thor talk like this tears at him with a mixture of pity, nostalgia, and even a little regret for how things came to be this way, Loki changes the subject:]
What do you remember happening on the Bifrost, then? When I fell?
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You and father spoke- I do not recall what you said, but father was stern and denied it. And your face- and you. [He frowns, caught up in the unpleasant memory.] It was as though his words tore all hope from you, and you released Gungnir and fell into the void.
Had father and Heimdall not both been there to restrain me, I would have thrown myself in after you. [There may be a little embellishment there. Thor's memory is not free from emotion either.]
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And yet...and yet. Odin again. Especially now, after what he's just gone through, Loki isn't quite so sure he wouldn't believe that of himself, that Odin could possibly drive him to that.
He frowns, momentarily uncertain. "I did it for you, Father! For all of us!" And then he realizes that he's honestly doubting his own mind, which is unacceptable. He tries to visibly shake off the doubt, and smiles bitterly.]
Yes, then we could both have tried to invade Earth. Both of us together might have had a chance at it.
[Which is to say he really hopes Thor is not serious. Even someone as strong as his brother would not have fared well against Loki's masters. And there are a great many things Loki would wish on Thor, not all of them pleasant, but not The Other.]
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Is it truly so important to you, to rule?
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And Thor, that was not his point. That was not his point at all. The point was that all of your high ideals and strength would have been for absolutely nothing if you'd wound up with Loki, and you would have been right there with him subjugating your pet humans in the end. The point was that you are not so high and mighty as you think and the fact that you still haven't learned this is impossibly irritating.
If Thor would just stop and think for a second...
Loki sighs.]
I wouldn't have ruled Earth even if I had succeeded in taking it. [Not truly. He would have ruled it in the sense that Laufey still ruled Jotunheim, which was not a pleasant comparison at all.] The fact that you believe I gathered that entire army together alone is flattering, but false.
Being able to vex you once more was a pleasant side effect. I knew you would find a way to come, if I threatened the humans.
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Then why did you not ask mother for aid, when she appeared to you? Odin would have sent help to you then, and- all of this would not have come to pass.
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You say that as though you would have been able to help. Or that Odin would have sent aid at all. [Thor's faith in the Allfather is staggering, but then again, it also hasn't been shaken to its foundations as Loki's has.]
...you also say that as though I wanted your help. [All right, Loki had been more than a little mad with power at the time. The Tesseract had affected him. And there had also been the threat of impossibly painful torture should he fail to conquer Earth. But that had only made him even more determined to succeed, even if only for the chance to turn around and strike back at his old masters.
He had chosen this. The thought that he hadn't, that he'd just been a pawn, that he'd never even had a choice about what happened, that they'd played and used him and he'd let them because he'd been lost was...unthinkable. Because he'd had a choice. If he'd truly wanted to stop this, he could have, would have.
This is a train of thought he likes even less than what happened the night he fell. So Loki deflects again.]
As for the Queen's attempts to reach out to me, it really wasn't a good time. It was a few seconds before they sent me to Earth, and traveling without the Bifrost is...rather unpleasant. I couldn't afford... [And Loki has the grace to hesitate before he finished, a little more quietly:] ...distractions.
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One day he might even learn to not be deflected by his brother.]
Nor did you wish to be distracted, if your haste in destruction is any indicator. [The more he has time to consider it, the more Loki's behaviour on earth frustrates Thor. Frustrates, because he hadn't been able to alter it in the slightest, and Thor above all else dislikes being useless.]
There are no distractions now, nothing to lose by asking for aid.
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Until that day comes, Loki can content himself with the knowledge that he can still play Thor like a cheap drum. Sometimes it's even for his brother's own good. Even if the number of conversation topics he's ducking is starting to tax even Loki's power for lies.
"Asking for aid"...the very idea makes something in him recoil. Because there is still so much that Thor is just not understanding. Unfortunately, Loki isn't even fully aware of everything he isn't understanding, either.]
There are lives to lose. More than my own. [Malekith and the darkness he brings are a world-shaking threat. But Thanos has a galaxy all his own. And Loki is so very grateful that his master never turned his attentions towards Asgard, because then Loki believes he would have tried to stop Thanos, and suffered for it until he longed for something as sweet as pain.] Not all problems can be solved by smashing them with your hammer until they stop moving, Thor.
And there is no point in any case, because what is there to be done? [The humans, at least, had put up an impressive resistance.] I have committed undeniable crimes against all the Nine Worlds.
[So stop bothering with this, Thor. Loki is ready to say anything just to try and make Thor stop caring.]