strawberry milkshake tastes better than voice tests

[gin_san]

Oi.

Ooooiiii.

Are you listening, Mun-chan? Are you really, really listening?

You are, huh? That's good, 'cuz I've got something real important that I gotta ask you.



WHY'D YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE ME AN ACCOUNT WHEN YOU ONLY BOTHERED TO GIVE ME FIVE ICONS, HUH? You went and made 30 just the other day for H*take K*k*shi and that guy already has over 150! He's not even the main character of N*ruto! I'm in every episode of Gintama and I only get five? Five? That's not even enough to take up all the space in the most basic account setting!

Are you saying Gin-san isn't as handsome as the C*py N*nja? Do I need to wear a mask to make myself more charming?

Maybe I should quit Gintama and join the cast of N*ruto, huh. I bet they make tons of money and have their own personal assistants and dressing rooms and everything, those bastards. They're probably taking up all the budget from TV Tokyo which is why Sunrise never has any money to give us and Gin-san has to do dumb things like talk for five minutes straight without a script to take up time so the production team doesn't have to animate that part--

Wait a minute.

WAIT. A. MINUTE.

You didn't even MAKE these icons! You just went and found them at some icon site! All the other JUMP characters in your head have icons that you made just for them, but Gin-san doesn't get even one?? Is my existence so insignificant that I don't even deserve to have you spend a lot of time making icons to represent me? Am I so meaningless that I have to use some pre-made icons, and only just five??

Oh, this is bad, ne. This is really, really bad. Gin-san is having an existential crisis, now.

I can fire you, right? I won't be stuck with you forever, right? Right?

Comments

[chinagirl]

Ah, yes, Gin-chan?

[ WOW. CHAN. He most be feeling very loving toward her right now. Here it comes. He's going to take her out for sukonbu-- NO! He's going to take her out for bbq! She just knows it... ]

[gin_san]

[ Gintoki gets up and grabs the back of Kagura's head and proceeds to shove it right into one of the fucking robot holes as he angrily screams: ]

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, HAH?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH THE TOILET SO YOU CAN TAKE OVER AS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF GINTAMA? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? Well let me tell you, kusogaki, you're a hundred years too early to oust Gin-san from his seat of glory as the King of Gintama Fighters!

[chinagirl]

[ OH IT IS ON NOW. She pushes back against his hand until she manages to get her head out of the tank of robot leg water. Dripping, screaming like a banshee, and looking insane with rage, she turns and rips her head from his grasp, probably losing some hair along the way.

She seizes him around the waist and lifts him, trying to force him to sit on the robot's leg again. ]

[gin_san]

[ o-oh

o-oh wow there actually was water in there

and here gin-san just thought it was you know, a hole in a hollow metal leg and your shit would drop to the bottom of the foot and eventually fill up and there would be nasty flies and all that but wow, it's a working toilet with plumbing and everything.

oh. okay then.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS FOR VERY LONG, because he's currently in a fight to the death (!!!) with a girl who has superhuman strength and bangs on her back with his fists in an attempt to get her to let him go because holy crap are those his ribs cracking

those are his ribs cracking

his ribs are cracking ]

[chinagirl]

[ It was a real working toilet! A really good one if you ignored the bone crushing hugs! Too bad he didn't honestly try it out!

Realizing he doesn't deserve such a good toilet, she releases him and turns to kick the robot square in its metal crotch. Her foot tears up through it, and in a shower of water and sparks, the robot collapses. Uttering a sad death moan. ]

Whyyyyyyy?

[gin_san]

[ And Gin, while hacking up his lungs and rubbing his sore ribs, just stares in surprise at the thing. Which seemed to have some sort of sentience, or some knowledge of what was happening to it, anyway.

SINCE WHEN DO TOILETS HAVE ANY SORT OF SENTIENCE?! ]

W-w-wait a minute... that thing was ALIVE?

[chinagirl]

I'm sorry Toilet-Robot-chan...

[ She lowers her head and places a hand on the robot, even though it's still spitting sparks and now smoke. ]

I'm sorry Gin-chan couldn't come to love you...

[gin_san]

[ A vein twitches and when he smiles in the way he does when he's in disbelief, it's all crooked and lopsided. ]

O-oi, w-wait, why did you have to go and commit robotcide, huh? Isn't that really overdoing it??

[ this is clearly all your fault Kagura ]

You didn't get him from an Amanto or anything, right? He's just a robot with a data bank like Tama, right? He wasn't really alive, right? RIGHT?

[ because if that thing was alive (WHY IS GIN-SAN REFERRING TO THE ROBOT AS A HE???) then does that mean that she really did just commit

MURDER?! ]

[chinagirl]

Tama is really alive aru!

[ Keeping her hand on the robot, trying to comfort it, she turns around to face Gintoki defensively. ]

How can you be so cruel, Gin-chan?! Why do you hate robots so much?

1/? since gin-san survived 24 hours with 5 icons i rewarded him with ones i think you made xD

[gin_san]

[ GYEHHH!!!! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO MAKE IT OUT LIKE GIN-SAN IS RACIST TOWARDS ROBOTS???! Did you forget all about the various arcs where Gin-san fought really, really hard to save Tama or when he looked for her when she went missing? Or what about that time when Gin-san said that really cool thing to Tama that went something like, "The ability to feel pain... is important to living things. We all live our lives in troublesome machines of one kind or another. Sometimes they leak oil. When that happens, let it leak. If it doesn't stop...we'll help you clean it up."

Na, Kagura, you remember that right? Naaa, come on, don't tell me you forgot all the cool things Gin-san's done for Tama! Don't make him out to sound like a horrible old man who throws away his friends because they're really robots! Oiii! That ain't fair! ]

2/3

[gin_san]

O-o-oi, Ka-gu-ra, t-t-that wasn't what I meant, okay? I wasn't saying Tama isn't alive! [ Tama wherever you are please don't listen to this conversation! Please be on power-off mode! Or sleep mode! ] I was just trying to compare the data banks, just the data banks! Don't make Gin-san sound like a robot racist!

3/3

[gin_san]

Besides...

[ And then he takes a deep breath because he's gonna need it for this... ]

I'M THE ONE HARBORING A ROBOT KILLER IN MY HOUSE, EH! WHAT MADE YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO KILL HIM, HAHHH?

This is bad ne, this is really, really bad, ne. The Shinsengumi are gonna find out all about this and you're gonna be arrested and thrown in jail and then I'm gonna have to pay your bail when we have no money. And then you'll be all, [ in a high pitch voice now ] "Gin-chan, I can't live like this aru, give me some rope."

[ Suddenly, a flashback from when Madao went to jail is played, except Madao's face is cut out and replaced with Kagura's. ]

...something like that.

[chinagirl]

[ She just stares at Gintoki flatly. ]

He's not dead aru.

[ She looks back at the robot, as it starts twitching and singing something very similar to, but not copyright infringing on, Gato's Theme. ]

[gin_san]

Eh?

[ And in the background, a big gong echoes through Gintoki's shock scene. ]

[chinagirl]

He wanted me to fight him!

[ She begins to tear up again, clasping her hands in front of her like a normal jump heroine in distress. ]

He was so brave! TOILET-ROBOT-CHAN! I ALWAYS LOVED YOU! I'M SO SORRY!

[ She bursts forward and hugs the sputtering robot tightly... Only her hands are moving around oddly. She might be searching for those silver points he promised. ]

[gin_san]

[ Annnd Gin just watches as she does this with the deadest fish eye expression possible. Quite possibly, overhead, this song starts playing in the background. ]

Oi, oi, you call that a fight? Didn't you just smash his kintama with your foot as he was sitting patiently waiting for someone to come and put their ass on his thigh?

[chinagirl]

[ She's just ignoring Gintoki at this point, getting down in the water to try to look under the robot. ]

I thought there was silver points aru?

1/?

[gin_san]

[ ... ]

[gin_san]

[ Wait a minute. ]

[gin_san]

[ Wait, wait, wait! This can't be right! ]

[gin_san]

[ Gintoki gets up close to the robot and peers at it carefully. Come to think of it, he does sort of look rather familiar... Gintoki just thought it was a popular robot design or something along those lines (robots all sort of have similar characteristics when they're all big, anyway) and didn't think too much of it. Not even when it played that theme song. But could it be?

Could it be? ]

[gin_san]

A-a-h, excuse me? Robot-san?

[ He knocks gingerly on the robot's helmet. ]

Y-y-you wouldn't happen to be Gato, would you? You're just a toilet robot, right?

[chinagirl]

[ Kagura's eyes widen, then she slowly looks back to Gintoki. Suddenly though, she tries to appear nonchalant. ]

Don't be stupid Gin-chan! This is a normal toilet robot! I did not steal him up from a festival where people fought him for money, then cut holes into his legs, then fill him up with water. He came from the toilet store aru.

1/2

[gin_san]

[ EHHHHHHH?

That sounded way too detailed, way too detailed! That sounded exactly like the sort of thing someone who actually did something like that would say! Which means Kagura actually went and...

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!

Oh this is bad, this is really, really bad. This is even worse than if Kagura murdered a robot, because this isn't just any robot, this is a CELEBRITY ROBOT, and now he's missing from Chr*n* Tr*gg*r and is permanently damaged with holes cut out in his thighs and water filling up his interior.

What if N*nt*nd* find out about this?! WHAT IF THEY FILE A LAW SUIT? Oi, oi, how do you expect Gin-san to pay for this, Kagura??? Don't say Sunrise, because they never have any money, and now Gintama's really gonna stay canceled now!

Having completed his dramatic internal monologue, Gintoki twitches a bit and manages to close his mouth which had gaped open wide enough to fit Gato's entire head in. ]

[gin_san]

[ And then, for the second time that night, Gintoki grabs the back of Kagura's head and forces it down, but this time into a bow, which he performs as well. ]

APOLOGIZE!!

[ Oh what's that, is Gin-san's voice doing that thing where it gets all curdley sounding when he's screaming? ]

APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!!!!