canon is ZHP

[unloser]

[...Really, mun? He means... he knew this was coming, but you're rushing him right out of the gate with only a handful of icons.

Not that he really emotes all that much. He doesn't really need to. Doesn't really need to talk, either; everyone always forces words in his mouth whether he likes it or not.

Which is what you'll be doing, mun.

He should be frustrated about this, but really he's just kind of tired, by now. Just... do whatever you plan on doing.]

Comments

[tyrantball]

"Desco doesn't even know why she's here, Mun. What's so exciting about this boring-looking weirdo?"

Desco is super judgmental.

Super.

[unloser]

[Nothing at all is exciting about this boring-looking weirdo. Nothing. He's even heard the phrase "boring-looking weirdo" before so it's not like it's any surprise.

That said, he's seen Last Bosses before, in all their forms.

At the same time, one like that should be able to sense the power of the Unlosing Ranger even if he wasn't transformed.

Was it possible that last bosses went through training, too? Was this girl training to be the final boss?

He shrugs, as if trying to answer Desco's question. If she doesn't think he's exciting, then that's fine by him.]

[tyrantball]

Desco, eyes narrowed, floats forward and slowly pokes at Latte with one crimson claw.

[unloser]

[She's not threatening anyone, though - well, aside from him - and if any hero knows that sometimes Last Bosses need saving too. He's not gonna be the type to go for pre-emptive attacks on villains just because they're evil.

He's not Pirohiko. Just the thought was enough to draw a sweatdrop out.

He's also not as weak as he was at the beginning of his training; if this'd happened back then, just that single claw-poke would've been enough to floor him. He could feel the power alright, definitely not an enemy to be trifled with.]

[tyrantball]

Slight pause.

"...are you one of those old-school Silent Heroes?"

[unloser]

[A nod.

Really, there's nothing worth saying that actions won't say louder.]

[tyrantball]

And now Desco is excited!

"...Desco couldn't call herself a Future Final Boss if she passed up on the chance to fight a Silent Hero!"

Suddenly serious looking.

"But you're so nebbishy-looking! What should Desco do?"

Ah, the exquisite agony of indecision. But then Desco remembers one of the tricks she doesn't break out too often.

"Oh! That's it! MINI-DESCO! Chew gently on his head until he is sad!"

One of Desco's primary tentacles bulges and disgorges a perfect, three-inch tall replica of her, which flies over to Latte and starts chewing gently on his head.

It makes squeaking noises.

[unloser]

[So she was in training. That answered THAT question, at least.

And now he has a chibi cthulhoid creature ceaselessly chomping his cranium.

This is less anguish-worthy and more mildly exasperating. And, you know, he might actually argue being "nebbishy" if it wasn't true.

He's... sincerely not sure how to approach this. Justice isn't punching little girls in the face for chewing on your head, and she's not threatening the safety of the world... but at the same time, she'll probably get irritated, maybe doubt his heroicness if he doesn't do anything.

This kind of job is really the sort of thing Dangerama was supposed to take care of.]

[tyrantball]

Desco carefully gauges the progress of the Mini-Desco before nodding triumphantly.

"Alright! NOW, Mini-Desco!"

The Mini-Desco snaps to attention and salutes before hurling itself in the air to land behind Desco.

Then it explodes, and Desco poses in front of the explosion.

[unloser]

[...What did he miss?

What exactly was this whole thing supposed to prove?

...now he's got an even worse cowlick than before. Great.]

[tyrantball]

Rather than reply, Desco just looks extremely self-satisfied while slowly hovering away, still in her cool pose.

[eternalcameo]

...It's a good thing I can just read the text; it'd be awkward trying to figure out what you're saying without those other guys doing the talking for you.

[unloser]

[It's not like he's mute, you know. He has a voice actor and everything.

An uncredited voice actor who has a single spoken line and a handful of grunts.

Regardless, he sees you're not playing dress-up today, Asagi. Not sure if that's an improvement.]

[eternalcameo]

Screw you too, asshole.

(Not like he needs a voice to insult a chick, apparently.)

Besides, I don't think you're one to talk about playing dress-up.

[unloser]

[...It is not his fault that Index costume adds +50% to his elemental resistances. You apparently really know your cosplay.

...Oh, wait.

You're talking about the whole "Tripod Ranger" thing.

Sweatdrop.]

[eternalcameo]

Yeeeeeeeeah, that's the one.

I mean to be fair, both of them are pretty bad, but the boobs are a little much, even if they give you a decent defense boost.

[unloser]

[You know, if you weren't so desperate to get attention that you attempted to take over Bizzaro Earth, you wouldn't know the weird ways heroes are forced to train.

Yes, forced.

This whole thing is all Pirohiko's fault. And Etranger's. Maybe Noa's a little bit, too.]

[eternalcameo]

Well hey, if you don't wanna do it, do can pass the belt over to me...or at least tell me which plot convenience store that one guy got the other belt from near the end. I need someplace a little more reliable than Amazombie.

[50percentthere]

[No way. The Unlosing Ranger has wondered what it would be like to interact with himself before. Finally he gets to do it.]

. . .

[Underwhelming.]

[unloser]

[It's one of those things you kind of stop thinking about once you meet your Bizzaro Earth self, though.

At least dragons are kind of awesome.

This, though?]

. . .

[...Yeah this is somehow more awkward than the whole family thing.]

[50percentthere]

[Less traumatic! You've gotta give it that. And hey, being the same person, they've gotta have some common interests to talk about.]

[...So, how's the wife? His keeps asking for sardines.]

I just want you to know that ilu

[unloser]

[...As explosive as always. He never quite got the idea that you could just... swap out who your wife was.]

[It makes things awkward.]

oh, same here. (bro)fist of love!

[50percentthere]

[Indeed, indeed. Real heroes stick to their choices, though. Or the ones others made for them.]

[And hey, we know there's much worse marriages out there, right? Least there's no bickering over their kids here.]



[...Too soon?]

[unloser]

[Pffff. After eight years, he's used to keeping the bitter thoughts to himself. Getting upset about it only made it worse, after all. In some weird way, hero training was a great way to get his mind off of that stuff, nine times out of ten.]

. . .

[We cool, other self.]

[50percentthere]

[Thanks, other self. You're the only one that gets him.]

[unloser]

[No problem. It helps that he's learned to keep his mouth shut, he can be as sarcastic or mocking as he likes in his own head and they usually don't listen anyway.]

[He supposes it helps that Pirihiko and Etranger both have egos big enough to choke a small squirrel.]