Mun's been playing Saints Row 4. Surprise surprise.

[3rd_st_sinner]

Thank you so much for this opportunity, mun.

[Clears throat.]

To everyone who thought some overdressed French fuck could take me out, fuck you. If a fucking alien empire is scared of me, what chance does some dickhead with a cigar have?

My one regret? Not being able to go toe-to-toe with Killbane. Sounded like too much fun to pass up.

Oh, and mun? Get me some fucking better icons.

Comments

[saintinchief]

[Johnny. Johnny. Yo. Hey. Over here. Come on, man, give your old pal The Boss a fistbump.]

They truly did not know who they were fucking with, oui?

[3rd_st_sinner]

[Brofist initiated!]

Well, maybe a little. Zinyak did say I was a threat to his empire all by myself. Just don't think he really understood how stubborn I was. Being trapped in a side-scrolling beat 'em up? Fuck for a year there, I was enjoying myself.

[...Not really, but he'll never say that.]

[saintinchief]

[Aaaw yeah. Bros for life.]

At least you were not trapped in the same place that I was. It was a waking nightmare, to say the least. Poodle skirts... ugh! ...But I am glad to have you back, Johnny.

[Especially after seeing what simulation Zinyak stuck him in. Having to relive Aisha's death over and over? Yeesh.]

[3rd_st_sinner]

I'll be honest, if Zinyak really wanted to break me, that would've been a lot more effective.

Would've found a way to blow my brains out if I had a laugh-track on my life. That's why I only watched shit like NyteBlade.

[saintinchief]

If he expected the Saints to crumble, then he wasn't paying attention.

[NyteBlade? ...Oh god, sorry, having traumatic flashbacks to Matt's little attempt at writing fiction.] It didn't have guns. And the cars wouldn't go fast. It was horrible, Johnny.

[No pedestrians bouncing off the windshield!]

[3rd_st_sinner]

Fuckin' A.

[Hey, Johnny watched it for the violence. You'll not hear him talking about how it was a masterpiece of drama. Hell, Johnny couldn't name half the characters outside "the fucker with swords" and "the chick with the boobs."]

Fuck man... I probably would've tried drowning myself. Did you at least get to fuck Shaundi while you were "married"?

[singsalong]

[ Gat brings all the bosses to the yard. ]

That preening peacock. Plucking him was almost as satisfying as crushing Loren.

[3rd_st_sinner]

[And they're like "fuck yeah, he's better than Pierce."]

Really, my biggest regret about Earth getting blown up? I'll never get to use one of those fucking Shock Hammer things. That looked like fucking fun. A hammer that could send car's flying? Sign me the fuck up.

'Course super powers ain't half bad either.

[singsalong]

They were alright. I liked giving those rollerblading bitches a taste of their own medicine, at least. But nothing beats a rocket launcher.

[ She might have a crush on hers. ]

[3rd_st_sinner]

Of course nothing beets a rocket launcher. Just nice to have a bit of variety. Y'know, really get your hands bloody once in a while.

[There's a reason he had a pair of knives in Saints of Rage after all.]

[singsalong]

Best part about that? Going all 80s movie badass and wearing it like war paint. Some of those reactions! Ugh. Fucking priceless.

[ Speaking of knives, she's pretty sure he's named his. ]

[3rd_st_sinner]

[Have a grin.] Shit, if Zinyak hadn't shown up to spoil my fun, I was gonna show up wherever you guys set up shop in Steelport wearing Loren's eye as a necklace.

[Fuck yeah he's named them. Stabby and Slashy are important parts of the Saints family. Anyone who says otherwise... well, they get visits from Stabby and Slashy.]

[singsalong]

With his teeth as the chain? [ She grins in turn. ] Classy shit right there, Gat.

[ If she ever bothers to ask, she's gonna suggest Merciless and Vendetta because, hello, video game reference. Boss loves her games. ]

[3rd_st_sinner]

Fuck, I was debating taking his nuts and turning them into earrings for ya.

[...Okay, no he wasn't. There's no way in hell he was going to look at Phillipes's dick. But hey, he's trying to be funny.]

You know me. I ain't nothing if not classy.

[He might actually go for that. Slashy and Stabby were just the first things to pop into his head.]

[singsalong]

Classy and knows how to treat a girl.

[ Snark snark. As a general rule, she always finds him funny. Sometimes even when he's not trying to be. ]

Man. All that crap, though. It wasn't the same without you. And I'm only saying so 'cause I don't think your head could possibly get any bigger.

[3rd_st_sinner]

Always been a gentleman. Shit, T 'n' A always said I was their best tipper.

[Yeah, but thankfully Pierce is unintentionally funny enough to keep some of his more awkward moments from glaring too much. Can't have people thinking he wasn't 100% badass after all.]

Just so long as you don't try to test that theory and keep that fuckin' Inflato-Ray pointed away from me.

[singsalong]

Watching them all gyrate your way like they'd rehearsed it was always a fucking sight.

[ No amount of Pierce could distract from his dancing skills. Or lack thereof. So much glaring! She was still recovering. ]

Please. You know I never do anything in the name of science. Now hilarity, on the other hand...