on jumping the gun

[notmonsters]

You'll get off that computer and stop lookin' for a community for me if you know what's good for you.

You're so in over your head you're about to be six feet under. There have only been three episodes of my show. Ya need to take a step or ten back until you get to know me better before you start making commitments. 

And besides, I ain't going nowhere without my family, understand? They need me.

Comments

[notmonsters]

[ABORT ABORT HULK DOESN'T KNOW THAT SKAAR IS HIS SON...SKAAR DOESN'T KNOW THAT EITHER, FOR THAT MATTER.]

Wha--? Well, we sort've adopted Skaar. I meant more Rick and Skaar. Red's a lost cause.

[Rick is a lot younger than the one you know, too. I have no idea why.]

Who's Lyra?

[undoubtable]

Who's we?

[ Which one of the many wives is it this time? Caiera? Jarella? She can hardly keep track. ]

Lyra's your daughter from the future. Or from some alternate reality, I don't know. Wait. Red? Red who?

1/2

[notmonsters]

Me, Jen and Red.

[He doesn't have a girlfriend and he probably never will in the show. He's too busy being Team Mom.]

Red Hulk. Looks like me. 'Cept red. And a jerk. He's kinda hard to miss.

My...what?!

2/2

[notmonsters]

Oh-- ha-ha. You got me there for a second. Very funny. I don't suppose you're from the future too, huh?

[Stranger things have happened, Hulk.]

[undoubtable]

Your cousin Jen? The two of you getting along doesn't surprise me. Both of you getting along with my father does.

[ As far as she knows, there's only one Red Hulk aside from her and that's Ross. ]

I think I'm from a different universe, Hulk. One where the family didn't work out so well.

[notmonsters]

Yeah well when it comes to Red, 'getting along' is kinda a str-- your WHAT now?!

[Hulk may have just BSOD'd on you. Rebooting...]

Y-yeah. I think so. I'm--I need a minute.

[Trying to wrap his head around the fact that this beautiful, scary woman he's been talking to is Red's daughter. Sorry Betty, but so far it looks like you never existed in his universe. Probably so they don't have to bother themselves with depressing backstories or talk about Bruce. The assholes.]

[undoubtable]

[ She sighs, though really, this is better than the reaction the Hulk she knew had upon learning that the Red Hulk was her father. That involved a lot of smashing. And a great deal of arguing. This is nominally better.

Still, she can't resist having a little fun with him. So she waits for a moment, then decides to drop another bomb on him. But hey, at least she does it with a smile. ]

Where I'm from, you and I were married too.

[notmonsters]

[He's kinda curled over with his head in his hands when she lays that one on him. RED HULK. DAUGHTER. I mean-- it makes sense with the skin and the eyes but... Married? Aw cripes, he's gonna find some way to make Hulk's life hell with this particular ammunition.]

You're... joking.

[You are joking, right? Right??]

[undoubtable]

Relax.

[ She can't help feeling slightly offended at the reaction, but that's the ancient history between herself and Banner that's rising to the forefront of her mind. ]

We're not anymore.

1/2

[notmonsters]

You... weren't joking? So, we... were?

[It's not that he doesn't believe that he married you, it's that he doesn't believe you married him.]

I... I'm sorry.

2/2

[notmonsters]

[He looks back up and silently searches her eyes.]

Why?

[Why him? What happened to end it? Why to a lot of things. This is all very foreign to Hulk. He's just recently gotten control over himself-- he's never even thought about having a relationship.]

[undoubtable]

[ He's never told her that he was sorry before. Not the Hulk she knows. It's a strange experience and she's not sure how she feels about it. ]

Why what? Why were we married? Because Bruce and Betty were, so we were too.

[ Because she's still not quite on the same page as her not red and angry self. ]

Why'd it end? Lots of reasons. But mostly Banner's lies.

[notmonsters]

[This Hulk is an overgrown teddy bear compared to the one you know. He's...softer. His heart hasn't been hardened by having everything he cared about torn from him time and time again. His psyche hasn't been shattered into fragments and messily cobbled together again. His existence has been full of fighting, but he made the decision to be better, to prove that he wasn't a monster anymore and make up for all of the collateral damage he has done in his life. It seems like he needs to make up for things he did in other lives too now. It's not technically his burden, but he still feels the need to fix it. The self in the other universe seems like he was ruining lives even before he turned into a monster. Hulk feels a surge of self disgust. It seems all he's good at is breaking things, no matter where he's from or who he is. Hulk bows his head and gives her a determined stare.]

Doesn't mean much coming from me, I'm probably not the 'me' you wanna hear it from-- but...

I'm sorry.

[And he means it. Betty. What a beautiful name. But if there ever were any memories of his Betty, they're blocked from him.]

[undoubtable]

[ She's never see that particular look on Hulk's face before, and just like the apology, she doesn't know how she feels about that either. Or the second apology. Two in as many minutes. It's surreal. ]

Don't apologize.

[ In the end, she decides that it isn't something she likes on him. He's too strong and self-assured for apologies. Especially when it isn't his fault. ]

It's not your fault. [ It doesn't kill her to smile and she gives him one. It's small, but it's there nonetheless. ] Don't worry about it.

(Sorry this is so late, I was getting settled in at the dorm!)

[notmonsters]

[He hesitates for a moment like he wants to insist, but at her small smile he backs off.]

Alright.

[He defers to her. He doesn't want to push an issue he knows nothing about. But dare he tease her about the smile to lighten the mood? Or would that be considered flirting with your alternate selves ex-wife after discussing such a heavy topic and be completely uncouth? Well, he's about to find out. His solemn expression widens to something you could almost call a leery grin.]

Careful, there. Smiling like that, you almost looked sweet.

[It may or may not be completely obvious that he's completely new to this and terrible at it. She should hopefully get a laugh out of it at the very least. Or he could get a good solid punch to his right cheek out of it. Either would probably be pleasing to her.]

no worries! I love your Hulk. Totally worth the wait!

[undoubtable]

[ Although she can deal with serious issues, she doesn't like to do it. It's stifling, almost stressful. It reminds her of her former life, trapped in the well-intentioned but ultimately wanted cage her father and her ex-husband built around her to keep her safe. She's done with safe.

Safe isn't fun. ]

That right?

[ Eyebrow rising, she flashes him a knowing smirk. He's not like the Hulk she knows. He's better. And he looks like he doesn't have a clue what he's doing, making it impossible for her resist rising to the bait and flirting back, curious to see how he'll react.

She steps in closer, reaches out to skim the very tips of her fingers over his arm. The smirk deepens as she leans in, voice dropping to a whisper. ]

Careful's for puny humans.

djfhkdsjfa *covers face* I love your Red She-Hulk too!

[notmonsters]

[Hulk relaxes minutely when she banters back at him, relieved. He didn't mean to bring up bad memories. Based on her reaction, she has no ill will toward him. He's glad.]

That's right.

[Her smirk sends a sudden jolt of anxiousness worry through him. He's not anxious. Why would he be? He's the Hulk. He's the Hulk, and she's just a very... beautiful, strong woman who happens to be touching his arm. It's not like this is a big deal or the first time he's ever been flirted with or anything, whatever, his head jerks back reflexively and he forcibly suppresses a shiver, clenching the fist but not moving away. That would be retreat, which would not be manly or smooth at all. Which he is. Maybe. She might be able to tell his arm hair is standing up where she ran her fingertips across it, though. Okay, so his distraction tactic worked almost... too well. That was a lot more physical contact than he was prepared for. ...What's she saying about puny humans and being careful, now? Hulk suddenly can't remember what they were talking about.]

I... guess it is.

[Shit. He hopes she thinks that's thoughtful pause and not "you're pretty and my brain just went stupid" hesitation.]

thank you! I'm glad you like her!

[undoubtable]

[ This is turning out to be more fun than she’d anticipated. He may not be stumbling and stuttering all over himself, but she can tell that she’s flustering him. And as it turns out, Hulk’s awfully cute when he’s flustered.

It’s new territory for her too, this deliberate flirtation. She’s hardly subtle in this form, doesn’t have the patience for it, and this requires a sort of light, subtle touch. But she doesn’t back off from a challenge, and the payoff is worth it.

So she draws the tips of her fingers along his forearm again, ruffling the little strands of hair that she’s seen rise in response to that first touch. ]

Then let’s not talk about being careful. Let’s have some fun instead.

I SWORE I REPLIED TO THIS ON WEDNESDAY I'M SO SORRY

[notmonsters]

[Oh, he was in trouble. She noticed. She noticed and she was toying with him rather than calling him out on his naivety. Hulk's not sure whether it's better or worse that she didn't. This woman might be the most dangerous he's ever faced--He has no defense against this kind of attack. Hulk can't remember ever feeling so powerless. He gives her a wary look.]

Fff-- uh. Fun? What... did you have in mind?

no worries!

[undoubtable]

[ He's so different from the Hulk she knows that she can't resist smiling. It's with amusement this time, not as an attempt to rile him further. ]

You're a Hulk, the Hulk, and you're asking me how to have fun?

[ She punches his shoulder, the strength of it light as far as Hulks are concerned. ]

Now who's teasing who?

[notmonsters]

[He returns the smile a little sheepishly and thanks his green skin for hiding his flush. When she hits him playfully he exaggerates a flinch at her fist.]

Ow, hey now. I was just trying to be open to any suggestions.

Though apparently your idea of fun is teasing me and then beating me up, I take it?

[undoubtable]

Oh, now you're open to suggestions?

[ She can slide in and out of flirtatiousness much better than her human form can. Perhaps because she's not hampered by self-consciousness. ]

Make up your mind, Hulk. A girl can only take so many mixed signals.