canon is (heavy rain)

[handydandydaddy]

Look, I'm not very good with this sort of thing. Let's be brutally honest with each other; I'm probably the last person you would want to have a "voice test" session with. You make it seem so casual...

Really, I really don't think I should be here.

Comments

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

I'm not sure why we need our voices tested in any case. We obviously don't have Horrible Throat Scorpion Syndrome or anything, since we can still speak.

[handydandydaddy]

[Huh... That can be cured with some TheraFlu, right?]

I'm sure my mun isn't worried about that. If anything, this is just an exercise to get us out in the open.

It's...just not working as well as they want.

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

Then why do they call it a voice test? I'm a radio anchor, the thought that my voice might be considered defective is hardly pleasant.

[handydandydaddy]

I don't know ahh--figure of speech, I suppose? I'm hardly an expert on this.

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

City Council won't like that, confusing figures of speech are banned for today.

[handydandydaddy]

Wha--What are you talking about?

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

It's Simple Speech Day today.

[handydandydaddy]

Never heard of it. Must be a local thing.

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

Most things that happen in Night Vale are Night Vale things, yes. We are the most inexplicable town in the USA!

I should know, since I announce the news on the radio.

[handydandydaddy]

That's...good to know, I suppose.

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

*He smiles, as dorky and sweet as teeth like razor blades can manage.* The third eye helps too.

[handydandydaddy]

Right, I get it. It's all apart of your performance. Wouldn't that be something more for theater than radio?

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

What performance? *And yeah, that was a tentacle that just writhed out of his sweater. Sorry about this.*

[handydandydaddy]

[And this will be Ethan's cue to take a few steps back. Where did that even come from?]

Y-You...

[threeyesandmovingtattoos]

What? *He blinks confusedly. With all three eyes.*

[shinra_dog]

Maybe yer Mun wants t' make sure it's still there after all yer screamin' for Shaun?

[handydandydaddy]

[RUDE RENO. SO R U D E.]

Maybe. I'd prefer not to dwell on it.

[shinra_dog]

[ XD ]

*shrugs* Fair enough. Seems t' me, though, yer voice is there just fine.

*bites back a quip about "all his fingers," thinking he's done enough damage*

[handydandydaddy]

Thanks for the confirmation...

[shinra_dog]

Y' don't seem too "confirmed."

What's up? Isn't everythin', like, okay now? Got the kid, got the bad guy, happy ending an' rainbows?

Or... well, then again, now yer here.

[handydandydaddy]

You've seen the news. I rather not tell it all over again.

My son is safe and that's all that matters.

[shinra_dog]

*rubs the back of his neck, feeling some remorse now. He had seen the tickers when he had time to glance at a television*

I, uh... I ran inta' that one guy -- Jayden, I think 'is name was. Seemed a li'l off at first -- okay, definitely off, but I get it -- an' he's ... *not sure how to put it. Obsessed? Dedicated? Delirious?*

Look, somethin' like that won't happen again.

[handydandydaddy]

Not sure what you're getting at. Agent Jayden was simply trying to do his job. A little bit unorthodox, yes. But he knew what he was doing.

[He takes a breath.]

I know. I'll make sure of it.

[shinra_dog]

Yer not alone in that, Ethan. Not anymore.

Look, I'm... sorry about what I said earlier. *has difficulty apologizing, period* I might jus' be a thug t' you, but really, doin' that t' kids... That's just unforgivable.

[handydandydaddy]

I haven't even met you before yet you think you know what exactly happened. Just keep that smart mouth of yours out of my business. I got enough commentary out from it already.

[shinra_dog]

*any remorse is gone, replaced by a dark glare*

Have it yer way, Origami Dad. I got my own shit t' deal with, don't need yers.

*distinctly flashes his middle finger as a farewell*

[leanonstuff]

Hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be here whether you think you should be or not. Might as well try to make yourself comfortable.

[Come have a cup of coffee. It's perfectly safe.]

[handydandydaddy]

You make it sound so casual. Is this considered normal protocol for the FBI?

[leanonstuff]

We try not to make people panic... so yeah, I guess it is.

[handydandydaddy]

[Good on the government to hire such cool-blooded fellows. These tax dollars are being put to somewhat good use.]

Not the kind of place I had in mind to kick my shoes off, Agent Jayden. [He murmurs to himself.] Far from it...

[leanonstuff]

[Norman wholeheartedly agrees. And of course, the American taxpayers don't have to worry about him using his salary to pay for anything that he, err, shouldn't be buying.]

Yeah, tell me about it. Does your mun plan on bringing you somewhere else in particular?

[handydandydaddy]

Somewhere else? No, I don't think so. This is just a one-shot deal they had in mind. I really prefer that I don't travel anywhere else.

[dimeliora]

Welcome to the jungle, chief.

You're gonna be here a while.

[handydandydaddy]

Thanks but the welcome party already stopped by. That's if you want to call this a party.

[dimeliora]

Not exactly my idea of a shindig when the door's that wide open.

[And then she has to ask, if only to assuage her conscience.]

...You're Shaun's father, right?

[handydandydaddy]

Yeah, that's right. I guess I don't need to ask you how you know that. The local media can't seem to stop talking about it.

[dimeliora]

If it makes you feel better, I've... seen him running around this place before.

I mean it was a while ago, but still.

[At least he's not waiting to drown somewhere, right? :c ]

[handydandydaddy]

[He sighs.]

It could be worse. [Much, much worse.] I really should get to him before he wanders too far off.

But thank you.

[dimeliora]

I think he was in that Pokemon game, last I checked. [The Shaun she talked to, anyway.] But he seemed okay.

...If you don't mind me saying so, it's kind of amazing what you went through. For him, I mean.

[justlikehim]

[It's almost like a mirror. it's been so long since he's seen him, but Shaun would know him anywhere.]

...Dad?

[And if his voice cracked a little, well, that wasn't his fault.]

[handydandydaddy]

What?

[He pauses for a moment, inspecting the young man in front of him.]

Look, whatever mind game this is, I don't have time for it.

[justlikehim]

[Right. Shaun tries not to look disappointed.]

Look-- it's me. Your son, Shaun. I, uh...

It's been a long time since I've seen you.

[handydandydaddy]

Stop it. Please.

[He says simply and to the point.]

I had enough to go through recently. Just stop this act right now.

[justlikehim]

[There's genuine hurt in Shaun's eyes. He gives a small whimper of distress and shrinks as if his father's words cut him a physical blow.]

I know I'm not... a little boy anymore, but... Don't you recognize me?

[handydandydaddy]

My son is 10-years old. He's my only son. I don't know what you're trying to get from me but this is not the least bit funny! Now please, stay away from me and my family.