minor 3.11 spoilers.

[burninhale]

You're the one "sitting on a throne of bone, drinking the tears of shippers from a golden chalice." Describing me as "loitering in the background like a jackal" sounds far less ominous in comparison — I just thought I'd point that out.

Did I really never get around to sending Lydia that fruit basket? Must've slipped my mind. Actually, before we all die, I should try to make whatever amends can be made. One for Melissa, of course. One "sorry your life has basically always sucked and I didn't help by stabbing you in the neck" basket for Isaac. One "sorry just about your entire pack died, abandoned, or otherwise betrayed you" basket for Derek. And one "sorry for biting you and starting the hideous domino effect that effectively hijacked your life and has led directly to the current shitty state of events" for Scott.

I think that about covers it. There, now everyone can go to their heroic deaths with one fewer thing burdening their minds.

Comments

[wracked]

Is there anything about you that's actually not ominous?

[burninhale]

Well, I'm not sitting on a throne of bone, drinking tears out of a golden chalice. I thought I made that clear?

[wracked]

You say that like we know whatever the hell it is you do in your spare time. I mean, for all we know, you dance around on a big cliffside like Scar from the friggin' Lion King, singing about how all of us need to [ Air quotes: ] "be prepared".

[burninhale]

That's — unnervingly specific, Stilinski, I'm going to pass over that and hope this weird projection/confirmation bias thing never veers into Disney territory again.

Seriously, though, at this point you could watch me butter a slice of toast and you'd think it was creepy.

[ It would be, though. All food-related activities become creepy if you never break eye contact with someone observing you. ]

[anamlia]

What are you missing about no one wanting you around?

[burninhale]

Your son fell on me out of a laundry chute, Melissa, after I risked my life helping him at the hospital. You're right, next time I'll just kick back and let the alphas and a revenge-crazy druid eat his liver.

[anamlia]

Remind me of something I am sure I've forgotten. Oh wait, no one's quite told me this.

How did my son get involved in this again?

[burninhale]

Let me just pitch you something, here. Do you think any of this would've gone better if I'd bitten Stilinski?

Please, take your time. Imagine that.

/polite family of werewolves bothering scott's mum together.

[smilederek]

Hey.

Trade baskets with me.

[YOURS LOOKS HEALTHIER those cookies will go straight to his perfect abs.]

[anamlia]

Don't you dare. I'm not much happier with you.

Not when I have one of your brutalized teens now living with me.

[Besides, she likes fruit.]

[smilederek]

As opposed to one of your brutalized teens, which is what he used to be. At least now he has--

[Friends? Pack? A fruit basket? The world may never know, because Derek stops himself.]

I'm not talking to you about Isaac. Trade Baskets with me, or I'll find someone who will. Someone who likes cookies.

[Protip: Isaac is his backup here, but Derek isn't sure that he should be giving Isaac a full basket of cookies. Can such a hungry looking youth be trusted with them? Probably not.]

[smilederek]

You forgot Cora. You owe her one for murdering her sister.

[burninhale]

I'm waiting to see if she survives. Dead people can't eat fruit.

[smilederek]

You're just saying that to avoid eating your five a day.

Get Cora a fruit basket.

[packpapa]

[ Deadpan. ]

Because nothing fixes things quite like a fruit basket.

[burninhale]

Exactly my thought process. I'm glad we're on the same wavelength here.

[packpapa]

If we're on the same wavelength, what am I thinking right now?

[mccallmemaybe]

Why does mine have a face?

[burninhale]

There's not really a deeper meaning here, Scott, I just picked whatever seemed appropriate. I don't know, I think there's kind of a resemblance.

[mccallmemaybe]

[ It lacks the uneven jaw. ]

Thanks for reminding me why I didn't bother to wait ten seconds.

[lefthandedgenius]

A little less plastic fruit and a little more Cristal and expensive chocolate, considering the superior quality of the brain you just had to work your mojo on.

A bottle and some chocolate for Scott's mom too, while you're at it.

If you're going to be some kind of werewolf diabolical evil overlord, at least do it with some class.

[burninhale]

Lydia, come on. Keep up. The role of diabolical evil werewolf overlord is being played by Deucalion now, and I'm clearly angling for a redemption arc, a primary factor in which would be no more inappropriate romantic overtures. And honestly, in the context of our — former working relationship, shall we say — I think champagne and chocolate would strike exactly the wrong note.

Whereas a fruit basket says we've both moved on. Obviously.

[lefthandedgenius]

A for Effort then, and D for execution.

I would argue that at the very least for the hell you put through you could manage some expensive champagne so I could get drunk enough to not have to think about it.

I'll concede your point about the chocolate though, considering the chemical reactions involved.

[Grudgingly] And you didn't try to strangle me.

[mamanurse]

...Now where did I put that "Return To Sender" stamp I save for my ex-husband's mail?

[burninhale]

Good luck with that.

[ HE TOOK IT

No he didn't. But that would be funny. To him. ]

To be fair, I'm not sure vegetable dip will make it through the mail in the first place, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.