minor 3.11 spoilers.

[burninhale]

You're the one "sitting on a throne of bone, drinking the tears of shippers from a golden chalice." Describing me as "loitering in the background like a jackal" sounds far less ominous in comparison — I just thought I'd point that out.

Did I really never get around to sending Lydia that fruit basket? Must've slipped my mind. Actually, before we all die, I should try to make whatever amends can be made. One for Melissa, of course. One "sorry your life has basically always sucked and I didn't help by stabbing you in the neck" basket for Isaac. One "sorry just about your entire pack died, abandoned, or otherwise betrayed you" basket for Derek. And one "sorry for biting you and starting the hideous domino effect that effectively hijacked your life and has led directly to the current shitty state of events" for Scott.

I think that about covers it. There, now everyone can go to their heroic deaths with one fewer thing burdening their minds.

Comments

[wracked]

Is there anything about you that's actually not ominous?

[burninhale]

Well, I'm not sitting on a throne of bone, drinking tears out of a golden chalice. I thought I made that clear?

[wracked]

You say that like we know whatever the hell it is you do in your spare time. I mean, for all we know, you dance around on a big cliffside like Scar from the friggin' Lion King, singing about how all of us need to [ Air quotes: ] "be prepared".

[burninhale]

That's — unnervingly specific, Stilinski, I'm going to pass over that and hope this weird projection/confirmation bias thing never veers into Disney territory again.

Seriously, though, at this point you could watch me butter a slice of toast and you'd think it was creepy.

[ It would be, though. All food-related activities become creepy if you never break eye contact with someone observing you. ]

[anamlia]

What are you missing about no one wanting you around?

[burninhale]

Your son fell on me out of a laundry chute, Melissa, after I risked my life helping him at the hospital. You're right, next time I'll just kick back and let the alphas and a revenge-crazy druid eat his liver.

[wracked]

Well, I mean, — yeah. Probably.

I don't know if you realize this, but it's kind of a thing you do.

[ And Stiles' case? Is rested. Can that just never happen? Great. Awesome. ]

[burninhale]

You're a strange little man.

[ It's funnier to pretend he has no idea what Stiles is talking about, though. :') ]

[wracked]

See, but at least I can embrace my trope.

[ Unlike Peter who just so happens to be the Good, Bad, and Ugly. ]

[burninhale]

Don't you have friends to nerdspeak at...? Wait, are you mad you didn't get a fruit basket? Is that what this is about?

[wracked]

Because when I woke up this morning, my first thought was 'gee, why didn't I get an arsenic laced fruit basket from my favorite Uncle Peter'.

[burninhale]

Don't be bitter, Stiles. It doesn't suit you.

[anamlia]

Remind me of something I am sure I've forgotten. Oh wait, no one's quite told me this.

How did my son get involved in this again?

if he wants to be better, WHO ARE YOU TO TELL HIM OTHERWISE PETER.

[wracked]

I don't know whether to heckle or congratulate one of you Hales on finally having a sense of humor.

[burninhale]

Let me just pitch you something, here. Do you think any of this would've gone better if I'd bitten Stilinski?

Please, take your time. Imagine that.

really isn't it all he ever tells anyone, in a sense (by "anyone" I mean "Derek")

[burninhale]

Just because you don't like my sense of humor doesn't mean I've never had one. Speaking of which, here, I found you a cake for your dad.

[anamlia]

There is option C. The one where you didn't brutalize any of the teens in this town.

[burninhale]

There really wasn't. Psychopathy — not very rational, I must admit.

/polite family of werewolves bothering scott's mum together.

[smilederek]

Hey.

Trade baskets with me.

[YOURS LOOKS HEALTHIER those cookies will go straight to his perfect abs.]

[smilederek]

You forgot Cora. You owe her one for murdering her sister.

[anamlia]

And you're hiding behind that for what you did to me as well?

[burninhale]

I'm waiting to see if she survives. Dead people can't eat fruit.

[anamlia]

Don't you dare. I'm not much happier with you.

Not when I have one of your brutalized teens now living with me.

[Besides, she likes fruit.]

[burninhale]

I've never done anything personally to you, Melissa. And I wouldn't. After all, I'm on Scott's side now, and besides, you're much too exceptional a person.

[smilederek]

You're just saying that to avoid eating your five a day.

Get Cora a fruit basket.