( the tinman's rusty, be gentle. )

[ex_starks385]

Alright, hey. Look, listen — focus up here, funsize.

You're not looking. You're — great, okay. Hey. Remember me? Of course you do. You wanna know how I know? Because every time you get a funky little e-mail telling you that my, uh — "paid services" are running out? You renew 'em. Now, correct me if I'm wrong — which, let's be honest here, when am I ever? — but usually when one renews said services, they intend to, I don't know use? Said services.

What have you done for me so far? Oh, right. A good, heaping helping of absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate whatever it is you think you do for me, but how about we get a little something going, huh? Whaddaya say?

Done deal. Dish out some of that hard-earned money of yours and you and me, we'll make a little magic happen.

Comments

[desk]

[ Tin-Man, Dorothy says hello. ]

Being attached isn't a crime, Tony.

[ex_starks385]

[ Oh, good, so it's a reunion on the Yellow Brick Road. Not that he's complaining, because wow, why would he ever—? Look at her. He is. ]

Uh, actually, gonna have to agree to disagree there, Pep. I mean, it is me we're talking about here. If she was so attached, uh, c'mon — she doesn't call, she doesn't write. There's no excuse.

[desk]

[ Down, boy. Heel. Good dog.

Calmly, arching a brow: ]

—but she does pay for your things. That's worth something.

[ex_starks385]

[ Please, Pepper. Let's not provoke the tail wag — it's not a good look. ]

I — Are you taking her side? Is that what this is? It feels like you're taking her side on this. Don't take her side on this.

[desk]

I, [ Pepper starts, very diplomatically, through years and years of intense Stark Training TM. ] I'm not taking anybody's side. I'm laying out the facts, Tony. She likes you enough not to keep you benched. Isn't that worth a little vote of confidence?

[ex_starks385]

[ Tony's face scrunches and he looks more like a petulant (because there's other kinds, right?) teenager than a genius billionaire. So, in other words, it's just another day ending in 'y'. ]

If I tell you how much I hate when you're right, do you promise to hold it against me in a very professional, very diplomatic way that is by no means suitable for the workplace? I mean, really, weirder things have happened, right?

no promises.

[widowing]

Just keep in mind that you might not enjoy whatever she has in store.

touche, I earned that.

[ex_starks385]

You know, this right here? Is why you can never get Avenger of the Month. No optimism — whatsoever. You're killing me here, Romanoff.

And no, by the way, that is so not an invitation.

[widowing]

I'm just warning you now so that when the inevitable 'I didn't sign up for this' entry comes, you can't complain when people say 'I told you so'.

[ex_starks385]

You do realize that when Everything Comes Up Tony™, that what you're doing right this second is essentially reserving yourself to an 'I told you so' of the Starkest degree, right?

[widowing]

I like to plan ahead.

[ not that she'll actually be saying 'i told you so', but expressions can say plenty when one wants them to. ]

[ex_starks385]

Oh, is that what you're calling it?

[ Bring it, Romanoff. ]

[widowing]

Says the man who just trademarked the phrase 'Everything Comes Up Tony'.

[ it's already been brought-en. ]

[brazenly]

Shouldn't you make sure she'll be using said services before you encourage her to continue buying more?

[ex_starks385]

Oh good, Peanut Gallery's here. I don't actually remember inviting you to the party.

[brazenly]

Well, gosh. If I'd known this was a party I might not have come empty handed.

[ex_starks385]

Okay, hey, question of the hour: If you had known, hypothetically, that this was a party, what, exactly, might you have filled your hands with? Get creative. Points for imagination.

[brazenly]

[ your money, valuables, and/or your tech, more likely than not. ]

I'm told I make a killer bourbon punch.

[ex_starks385]

Uh — huh. Six points for the execution and about a five-ish for the actual idea itself.

[brazenly]

Looks like somebody's not getting any punch.

[functions]

People do things like that all the time. It took me two years to cancel my New Yorker subscription and I only ever read the first issue I got.

[ex_starks385]

You wanna tell me how there are now four of you here gracing me with your presence and approximately none of you has offered me any decent advice? Seriously, why do I even come here? The service is lousy, no decent drinks, taste in media [ New Yorker? Seriously? ] — questionable.

[functions]

The magazine's not so bad. You might even do well in the caption contest.

Anyway, where advice is concerned, there's not much that runs by way of decent — too much divine will pulling us around, if you will.

[ex_starks385]

I'm not buying what you're selling, buddy.

The fact of the matter is, she's stubborn. A little flighty. Impulsive. We're either a recipe for disaster or expensive booze.

[ki3t]

I believe that we are not in the position to truly make demands of our muns.

[ex_starks385]

Says Hal-nine-thousand with a rear-view mirror.

[broke_harlem]

...you're mun sounds an awful lot like you, Tony. [In the best possible way. Because, cm'on - pot, kettle.]

[ex_starks385]

Are you trying to give her a bigger complex? I mean, seriously, she's small — I don't need her toppling over from the weight of her own ego before we even get to Phase Two here, buddy.

[broke_harlem]

And you haven't? [An amused smirk. Sorry, bro, he can't resist.] If you've survived the size of your own ego for this long, why can't she?

[satanlawyer]

He's not the only billionaire I've met with a huge ego, hell half my clients have egos like Tony here or worse..