V-voice test oh gawd

[nodogpark]

Hello and good evening, listeners, mun. It appears I have been transported to a featureless white room with nothing in sight but a microphone and a table. And a single wooden chair.

Normally I would just call this 'Tuesday', but I've recently been informed it's going to last longer than the usual twenty four hours and ten minutes.

But, you take the good and the bad as they come, dear listeners, and as it seems I will be fed and entertained through this mandatory kidnapping, I find very little reason to panic.

And now, the news.

Comments

[badhaircut]

[ well, he's taking it well enough. then again, it's cecil, so that's no surprise. ]

I suppose it could always be reeducation. Still, I'm being kept from my work, and I can't always just call you while we're here.

[nodogpark]

[Of course he's going to take this well.]

No, reeducation is much darker. With much less leg room and no promises of oreos later. But, there is also no HBO in here, which is unfortunate.

Well... you could just stay in here. With me. That seems to take care of the calling problem.

[badhaircut]

.. Oreos? I hope you're getting a proper meal first.

[ oh. he's blushing, now. ] I don't think I can do that, Cecil. Though I wouldn't mind if I could, necessarily.

[nodogpark]

The mun mentioned 'oreos' on the list of foods that must be procured. I agreed. Nothing quite hits the spot like a good oreo.

[Carlos you look so nice when you blush]

Well you are in here right now. I certainly hope you won't be sucked out into the white void any time soon. I could use my belt and secure you to the chair, if you're worried.

[leg_fu]

...you are alright with this kidnapping, as you call it.

[There's a lot of things wrong with you, apparently.]

[nodogpark]

Oh you know. These things happen. If I was to get upset over every kidnapping I've ever experienced, why, I'd never leave my recording studio.

[leg_fu]

You must not be good ransom, then.

[nodogpark]

Ransom? No my friend, mandatory reeducation sessions. Unfortunately, this does not appear to be the old abandoned mine shaft, so there's no HBO to be found here.

It looks like I'll have to make my own fun.

[leg_fu]

...

[What are you talking about.]

Mine shaft...right. How is candyland in that head of yours?

[nodogpark]

Oh I haven't played Candyland in years. That takes me back to a simpler time, when the air was cleaner, and Radon Valley glowed softly under the moonlight. Of course, that was before the city wide ban on board games, but if the council says they're nefarious tools of the world government, I'm inclined to believe them.

[leg_fu]

Yeah, sure, that's right world government...

[Ok that was smirk-worthy.]

You know, it'd be god to pay attention to the danger around you. But that's just me.

[nodogpark]

I do. I've become very good at identifying dangerous things when I run into them. Just the other day I smashed a wasp.

Still haven't figured out a way to get rid of Steve Carlsburg, but that will come in time, gentle viewer.

[leg_fu]

Steve...Carlsburg.

Tell me more about your...Steve.

[Yes distract yourself as he tries to figure out a way to sink in the blade.]

[nodogpark]

[OH MAN]

Steve Carslburg is a government basher and a party killer. He really deserves to be in Desert Bluffs, where all his kind belong. Did you know he opposed the town building a draw bridge? The nerve of that man! He really gets my goat, sweet listener, I rarely wish ill on another human being, but he is really something else. I hope that when the subterranean city under the bowling ally rises to combat us, that he is the first that is run through or captured or stubs his toe very badly.

[leg_fu]

[Xever whistles.]

Loco puto. You know what he needs?

[He produces a knife from his pocket.]

A few good cuts.

[nodogpark]

[Hm.... hmmmmmm.... No, he's a good guy.]

I would agree with you, except that as Steve has not been formally charged with anything, vigilante justice would be frowned upon in this situation. I would be more inclined to do something, if he were actually, say, a charge criminal. Unfortunately, all I have are my suspicions, and while suspicions can be occasionally taken into consideration by the council, I'm afraid that there is no council here for me to report to.

[leg_fu]

You're right. I guess you'll just do.

[Glint, smile.]

[nodogpark]

[Wait what]

Oh... now you don't want to stab me!

[Oh look he can get scared!]

I'm very unstabworthy. I've done everything I had to this month to get out of the 'get stabbed in a dark alley way' lottery, I earned immunity this month!

[leg_fu]

Oh? Why's that? Are you worth something?

Or maybe you have something of value.

[Don't disappoint him. It's entertaining to watch a potential victim.]

[nodogpark]

[Well lets see]

Well I don't get my paycheck until Friday... but I think I have a few dollars on me somewhere.

I'm a radio personality, I have my own show, you know. Widely listened to and watched in the Night Vale area. I think they would be rather upset if I stopped showing up to work one day.

[leg_fu]

Maybe I can be your replacement. I have a voice for radio.

[Now he's just screwing with Cecil.]

[nodogpark]

As I am very sure you do, but radio announcers in Night Vale must go through some pretty trying tests in order to become Night Vale radio announcers.

[... was that something blinking on his forehead]

Trust me, I don't think you'd want to get involved.

[leg_fu]

Try me.

[Go on give him the details.]

[nodogpark]

Well there is the mandatory reeducation sessions, taken place in the undisclosed location of the council's choice. It's normally the abandoned mine shaft, and if you're good and learn quickly, they won't have to use any of the torture cubicles on you.

Then there's the meeting with HR in The Dark Box. The less said about The Box the better. If you want my position, you will learn all about it, my friend.

Then there's getting to know Station Management. Of course, you will never actually know Station Management, as they are Unknowable, but you are expected to stand outside their office to receive notes, and occasionally yell back at them about what your official duties are for the day. Do no enter Station Management's room. Do not think about Station Management often. Do not speak of Station Management or Station Management's office.

And that covers the first month.

[leg_fu]

...

[Dear god.

You have bored him. You bored the thug into a near coma.

How can he even live after this. How. Xever just throws the biggest shrug a human could possibly muster.]

Keep the studio.

[nodogpark]

Why thank you. I will. It is quite enjoyable to me, so getting the chance to live and see it again is something I welcome.

[leg_fu]

...do you listen to half the things you say?

[Cause Xever sure isn't.]

[nodogpark]

Yes, in fact. I do. I listen to everything I say. I find I have a soothing, melodious voice that is enjoyable to hear.

[leg_fu]

I do agree that you have a smooth, buttery voice.

But I still, what kind of person would I be if I didn't rough you up a bit?

[On that note, Xever goes to sweep the broadcaster's legs with a kick of his own.]

[nodogpark]

Yes, it is quite buttery and relaxing, isn't it? And so much more enjoyable when it isn't screaming in pain.

[Which is... where this seems to be going. OOF]

Hey! Careful now! I haven't done a thing to you, you jerk!

[idkworldruler]

But Tuesday doesn't even exist.

[nodogpark]

Oh no, it exists this week, I have checked, gentle listener, and they did not cancel Tuesday this week.

[idkworldruler]

My calendar says otherwise. [Your calendar is also filled with the fnord as well. So you shouldn't be talking, Mitch.]

Besides, Tuesday is not bowling night. That spot is reserved for Wednesday. The contemporary world should get rid of Tiesday.

[nodogpark]

Well your calender doesn't match my calender. I would suggest fixing that, before the secret police find out.

Bowling night is Friday, sweet listener, as all good citizens should know.

[idkworldruler]

I are teh secret police.

Well then we are on two different wavelengths. Which is possible as I am in New York.

[nodogpark]

You are? You don't look like the secret police to me. Are you wearing a new uniform?

Oh in New York! Well then, it is entirely possible that this is a freak, random broadcast. I apologize, dear listener, as it is entirely possible Tuesday does not exist in New York.

[idkworldruler]

That is because we are secret for a reason. And I am in New York.

I can assure you that it does not if you own the right calendar. But as you said, it will be longer as well.

[nodogpark]

Oh, you're New York's secret police. Well everything is explained then, carry on about your day, sir.

I'll have to contact the council and see if they are following New York's policies at any point in time. Perhaps they might want to update, just to be with the times.

[idkworldruler]

My thanks sir.

Perhaps, though I am positive that they are. Though I am also certain that it maybe different in various places of the country. Fnord.

[nodogpark]

Oh I wouldn't say so. Usually I am informed immediately when there is a change to the calender. I am Night Vale's most respected radio personality, after all.

... Fnord?

[idkworldruler]

Of course, and I would not expect any less from you.

I would use the actual word, but I am afraid that neither my mun, nor yours, would be able to see it.