dear_mun | On IC burnout - plans for towerofanimus and beyond...

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On IC burnout - plans for towerofanimus and beyond...

"Burnout", that's what you mundanes call being worn down. I see its roots, a dying flame.

*Enoch closes his eyes for a moment and takes a few deep breaths. Eventually, he nods.*

I suppose...with the information needed to continue in the hands of the tower at large, I...there's no need for me to act alone or with a small group anymore, my current plans even use as much.

But it also means there's no need for me to act at all anymore. And saying as much, acknowledging that...I suppose it came with acknowledging my fatigue too.

*He opens his eyes and looks down at his chest, raising a hand to rest over his heart. (Was his "heart" his soul, or part of the construct?)*

But...I am as old as I am because of the need to act. What good is this old soul if I do not?

So...so then...I refuse to rest, until I am not needed.

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[She places both her hands on the one resting over his heart, looking up at him with concern.]

I'm sorry that I can't help you...

*Enoch looks down at the small hands covering his own, like so many human children before her (all their hands smaller, none her age). And down into a face so like his it's eerie. But reflected there is all his determination, too.*

I'll...I'll be fine, Galiel. Lucifel is there. I'm only...tired.

I still wish I could take at least some of this burden off you.

I know... Thank you. But I'll be fine. I just need to keep going... *Like he always has.*

Please don't push yourself too hard.

*He'll try not to, but given all that's at stake, there's no guarantee at all. He just lifts his other hand to pat Galiel's.*

[She moves her hands so that she has a hold on both, squeezing them.]

I'll be fine. I've been doing something like this for a long time.

I'm aware of that but still... take care of yourself.

I'll try...it's hard to, where I am. But I'll do my best.

[And Tohko would just..sigh here.]

Enoch, Mundanes and people in general usually fight being burnt out by resting for a little while before going back to it. We all need to act in the Tower, but we also have to rest every now and then, or we'll face something massive and be unable to deal with it.

As your friend and partner-in-crime, ah, comrade-in-arms, I'm telling you that it's okay if you need to rest for an hour or two, or even longer! Read a few books, swim for a little while..take a breather. Because you're not acting alone, you can put some of the pressure on everyone else every now and then when you're tired. You deserve it.

*Rest for an hour or two? Hah. Rest for an hour or two, it will cure three hundred years of fatigue. Enoch runs his hands down his face, his patience worn down like the rest of him.* You're thinking too small again...

[..At that reaction, Tohko sighed and scratched her head. She knew that an hour or two might not help, and it was only a example but..two weeks, or even a month was all the time she could see anyone take to rest. There were quite a few things going on, even if muns and the people they worked with were getting exhausted.]

I probably am..but you know, it was just an example. Take a week, or even a month if need be. I'm sure you would be better off with a year or two to relax, and I would be more than happy to help out..but, right now, in our current situation, we can't afford a year or three months, as much as I would like to suggest that. But we can at least work hard so that you can rest for a month or a month and half. It's not much time, but it might be helpful somehow.

No, you don't understand...

*He can't rest. He can't stand by while people are needed. He's not supposed to be alive now, except for his mission, and in its absence he needs a use.

Besides, no rest of any living, Earthly nature would erase this fatigue. He takes breaks like those all the time, when there's nothing more productive he can do.*

[At that, Tohko sighed and bit her lip. She didn't like hearing something like that..but it was probably true that she was missing something in Enoch's thought process again. She kept thinking that his fatigue could be cured by an Earthly nature, if he would only let other people step in for a month or so.

She knew that he trusted her to run things if necessary-at least, she thought he did-so..she was having trouble here.]

Then, please, help me to understand! You're my friend, and if I'm not getting something here, I would like to know, if you're willing to tell me.

*There's a long silence while he tries to put it to words, tries to gather all the bits and pieces of pain and tired into something coherent.

In the end, he falls back on example.*

...You've noticed I'm already taking several such breaks, haven't you?

[Tohko watched Enoch as he collected himself, not looking away for a moment. When he finally spoke again, Tohko sighed, thinking.]

I did see you at that party, and you replied to my network post. And while my Mundane has seen more, I imagine that you probably did take a few more, if you were able to write more to me. I'm guessing that they're not helping?

[..All this time, Tohko was thinking about physical fatigue. The possibility of his fatigue actually being emotional was dawning on her, and she knew a few solutions..that helped her and her friends. Who knew what would help stop the pain of three hundred years and everything else?]

Of course not.

*If he heard that...well he didn't know what he'd say, really. He knows she can't be blamed for not understanding, but when their bond began based on uncanny understanding it was frustrating when she showed even less than most at times.*

[With that, Tohko sighed and thought for a moment, a finger raised to her lips. Mentally, she was trying to put herself into the same mindset as Enoch might have been. In times like these, stories helped..but Chia had needed more than just one tale to help-after all, one tale had almost ended her life.

But, after a moment, she nodded and..smiled to herself. Whether this was a mask or not was hard to tell though. It was never nice putting yourself through the mental wringer, even if she could see hope at the bottom.]

I guess, in this situation, it wouldn't. However, bear with me for a minute, alright?

[Because she had a plot that would make Konoha sigh and facepalm in the middle of it's execution..but she thought this might help. So, for starters, she tried to hug Enoch in an attempt to calm him down-since she knew that physical help could sometimes affect one's mental state, and Enoch did seem to be calmed down by it whenever she patted him on the shoulder or head.

Whether she was brushed off or not though, Tohko would sigh before speaking again.]

Tell me, have you ever heard the story of The Little Mermaid?

[She is going somewhere with this.]

*Enoch's posture is tense, stiff. He knows Tohko is genuinely trying to help, which is why he leans into the hug, but in his current state it feels as if these attempts are insincere in some way, some other way. Perhaps "insincere" isn't even the right word, but this feeling is one that eludes proper description.*

I haven't...

Edited (random tense change wtf) 2013-08-04 14:33 (UTC)

[The only reason Tohko was hugging him right now was because Enoch was much too tall to pat on the head while they were both standing up, and asking him to bend down a bit would have made this whole situation even more tense. She wouldn’t have called her attempts ‘insincere’..but this was uncomfortable.
Not that feeling a tad uncomfortable was going to stop her from trying to connect to her friend.]

Alright then. The story is about the king of the sea, a merman-a half-man, half-fish creature-who lives with his proud, vain mother and his six daughters, who were allowed to go up to the surface whenever they wished when they were fifteen. Whenever one of the daughters came of age, they would swim up to the surface and look about for awhile before coming back down and telling everyone about what they had seen. Her elder sisters much preferred the ocean than the surface and, as they got older, the surface world lost its splendor in their eyes.

However, the youngest sister loved the stories that her elders told, and longed to go and see the surface when she was fifteen and always listened to the stories her sisters and Grandmother told her. She even put a statue of a man in her sea garden! So, when she finally turned fifteen and swam up, she saw a ship on the surface. Curious, she swam closer to it and saw that the whole crew were having a birthday party for a Prince. It was getting late, but she just couldn’t stop looking at him. The weather grew ugly though, and the ship was sunk. The Mermaid suddenly realized that the crew was in danger as they fell into the sea. Not wanting the Prince to die, she quickly found him and rescued him, putting him on the shore of a nearby island and kissing him on the forehead, hoping that he would live, before diving back in the ocean and watching as a girl led a huge crowd to him.

However, since the Prince didn’t know that he had been saved by her, the Prince didn’t even glance at where she was hiding, which made her feel sad when she dived back down. The Mermaid always returned to that island, and though she saw many wonderful things, she never saw the Prince there, as he had gone back home while she wasn’t looking. She was so depressed that she couldn’t see him that she stopped tending to her flower garden until a close friend showed her where the Prince lived. When she found out, she felt better and watched him and the island he was on every day, and her love for mankind just increased with each day, which meant more questions for her Grandmother.

One day, when her Granddaughter asked about how long humans lived, she replied that humans had an immortal soul and could live forever after they died while Mermaids lived for three hundred years before turning into sea foam. The Mermaid, upon hearing this, wanted an immortal soul, but the only way she could obtain one was to have a mortal person fall in love and be married to her. Then her spouse would be able to give her a soul while keeping his own. However, to even walk on land and be with people, she would need legs.

The Mermaid, already in love, placed her wishes on the Prince and snuck out of a late night party to see the Sea Witch, who could give her legs..but in return, she would have to give up her voice, each step would feel like knives were stabbing into her feet, and if she failed to be married to him, she would instantly turn to sea foam at dawn. The Mermaid agreed and had her tongue cut off in exchange for a magical potion that would give her legs.

The Mermaid then swam up to the shore of the Prince’s island and drank the brew before passing out, due to the pain of obtaining feet. Luckily, the Prince found her, and even though she was deaf, he grew fond of her and clothed her and allowed her to stay with him. They were close, but his heart belonged to a woman who lived in a temple a few islands away, one who he thought had saved him. Even though he had only seen her twice, he had fallen in love with the woman and was to have a wedding with her on one of his ships, and the little Mermaid was going to attend the wedding and celebrations with him.

It was pure torture for her to keep smiling during it all, knowing that she was going to die in the morning, and after everyone had went to bed, she came out of her cabin and wept on the deck. However, her sisters, who the Mermaid had spoken with a few times during the night during her stay at the Prince’s castle when no one was watching, came out of the sea and gave their sibling a knife. If she stabbed her beloved with it and let the blood wash over her legs, she would gain a tail again and wouldn’t die. However, when she saw the Prince sleeping happily with his wife, the Mermaid threw her knife into the sea and dove after it. She couldn’t do it.

She didn’t die though. Instantly, she saw that she was in the sky, above the clouds, surrounded by spiritual beings. They were the daughters of the air, mermaids and other creatures like herself who had no immortal soul, but could become a daughter of the air by enduring suffering and doing good deeds. If she kept on doing that for three hundred years as a daughter of the air, she too, could earn an immortal soul.

[Here, Tohko paused to catch a breath and to make sure that Enoch made sure the whole story stuck in his brain. In order to drive home her point, it was important to tell him of the whole story, thus this long synopsis. Hopefully it would all work.]

However, Enoch, the time could be shortened or lengthened if she saw good or wicked children. If she saw children performing good deeds, a year was taken off, but the daughter of the air would always weep whenever they saw naughty children, and a day was added on for each tear they shed. I’m sure the Mermaid sometimes had moments of doubt, frustration, and sorrow. She probably even got tired of trying sometimes and tried to rest alone, not wanting to see another brat again.

But I’m also pretty sure that the other daughters of the air wouldn’t let her give up and encouraged her. Not just with words, but with games or stories, or simply with their company. You’re like a daughter of the air, trying to reach your goal..but you’re hoping to just walk through it, after resting alone and socializing sometimes haven’t helped. You’re still exhausted.

But..in our story, we have a pretty unique group of daughters of the air. We’re all working towards the same goal, but instead of just working for ourselves and leaving the others behind, we can help each other reach our goal. We can shorten the time for everyone. So, even though you’re still feeling drained, and even though resting hasn’t helped at all, a lot of joking, story-telling or talking with your friends might help! And, if it doesn’t, you don’t have to worry.

We’re all in this together, working as hard as we can and trying to stop brats from lengthening our time. I’m sure, eventually, through yourself or the right story, person, picture or song, you’ll regain your strength..but until then, you can shoulder a lot of the work on us!

After all..we’re working with you, even if some of us seem a little distant or clumsy, we’ll be fine because we want to help you and the rest of the daughters! We’ll do our best because we know how tired you are and because we don’t want to make you disappointed or let you down!

*Tohko, you picked the wrongest story.

At the first mention of the little mermaid being enamored by her sisters' stories of the surface, he stepped out of Tohko's ineffective embrace, looking down at her with unnerving intentness as the similarities continued to pile up: becoming interested in one person in particular, the interest in that person fueling a desire to live on the surface instead of just watch, the bargain with powers that should not be bargained with, losing her voice.

It's a good thing Tohko hadn't mentioned the part where she was the best dancer in the Prince's court.

And then the very subject of her interest betraying her with no intent to betray, and she giving herself up for him.

Enoch doesn't wait to hear Tohko's weak hypothetical analogy. It reaches him but he barely registers the words, only understands all this was for something Tohko thinks would have probably happened, not actually an analogy within the story itself and it could have been any other story.

He walks away.*

Edited (that could have done with a little elaboration) 2013-08-08 23:10 (UTC)

...Uncle. You really ought to think more about yourself.

If you bend an object just a little, it will return to its former strength soon. But the more you bend it without stopping, the longer it takes to recover, and if you bend it so much that it breaks, it's much harder to return it to its unbroken state.

*For a moment, he doesn't speak. He thinks on what Zett said and why it rings so hollow. As he comes to the realization, his lips twitch and haltingly curl into a humorless, empty, broken smile.* Oh, Zett. Look at this. I've broken already, a long time ago.

There's no rest for me while I know there's something I could be doing. I wouldn't be able to... I need to keep going. That's what you do, when you've overstayed your welcome, you make yourself useful somehow, until you can leave.

But, if you have to look at it that way - whose welcome are you overstaying? Everyone who is alive or even just still moving have the right to take care of themselves. There's no 'supposed to be' or 'other people come first' or anything like that - taking care of yourself is doing something, is of use to yourself and you are as important as anyone else in this tower.

And if you don't agree with me, I'll kick you in the shin so hard that you have to rest.

You'll find that hard to do, but I suppose you'll have to try.

*Because he doesn't agree. There are both of those things, especially the latter. Other people do come first, because he's hurt them. He's hurt them, and for a cause, so he has to see that cause through to make it up to them. If he lets other people carry it, not only is he doing nothing with immortality granted to keep him doing something and for no other purpose, he's simply letting everyone else do the work for the pain he's caused...*

[Zett approaches more closely, as if he actually is going to kick him... but he just leans his head into Enoch's chest and hugs him instead.]

It's not fair...

*And Enoch wraps his arms around the demon boy in return. How strange it is, after suspecting so many nonhumans of being demons in Meridian, that when he meets actual demons it almost doesn't matter.

Then again, none of them would really be all that demonic in his worlds.*

I know it isn't. That's...unfortunately the way of the world. Particularly under mundanes.

Why can't I do anything to help someone I care about? I hate this...

[Sniffle. He'll deny that he's crying if asked, though.]

*Well, he's not going to ask because he doesn't think it warrants asking. Instead, Zett will get headpats.*

I know. I don't think it can be helped...

That's not a good enough answer for me.

I don't think there is another answer to give.

Then I'll keep looking for a better answer. I'll work for it, because I'm not satisfied giving up.

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On IC burnout - plans for towerofanimus and beyond...

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It's moments like these where I just have to facepalm at the muse..

Good thing this isn't happening ingame or it might just be the last straw....

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