on having seen pacific rim at last

[atallcost]

Of course I could have done it. In the end, there's not much difference, except in the scope of our destruction.

It's enough. Over for them, over for me. I did what I was trained to do, so leave me alone. A re-read doesn't mean I'll cooperate. I don't want to fight any more wars.

Comments

[empath_wiggin]

Your wars are over, Ender. Now it's time for what happens next.

[atallcost]

[ he twitches, fingers curling at his sides. he doesn't really remember how to soften up, to just be 'little brother' again. ] .. Valentine. There doesn't have to be a 'next'. [ it's not pleading, because he knows better. it's just.. tired. ] She could forget. If she wanted.

[empath_wiggin]

There's always a next, Ender, but what happens next doesn't have to be world-changing or life-altering. It can just be re-learning how to be. [Her tone is soft, gentle, always smiling.]

[atallcost]

I don't think.. that's what she has in mind. What's your next? Are you okay?

[empath_wiggin]

I'm fine. Truly fine. Peter is the sumbitch he always is, but I know how to handle myself. The place my mun is likely taking me is a good place. Safe enough, and blissfully without Peter.

[atallcost]

[ a small, stiff nod. ] I'm glad. You shouldn't have to-- [ he trails off, then shakes his head once. ] You were always better at dealing with Peter, anyway.

[empath_wiggin]

I also have a few more years of dealing with Peter under my belt than you do. Once you really know how he ticks he's not that bad. [She pauses, shaking her head.] Ok, that's a complete lie. He is bad, but he's controllable.

Are you... I can't ask if you're alright, because I know you're not, but are you at least getting by?

[atallcost]

To some degree, at least, I suppose.

[ he's quiet for several moments before dipping his chin in another nod. ] A little at a loss, though, I think. I don't want to fight any wars, but it's what I'm good at. So.

[empath_wiggin]

Oh, Ender. I know there is more to you than that. [She reaches out to put a hand on her brother's arm.] I've always known that, and I always will.

[atallcost]

[ he glances down at the hand on his arm, for a moment or two not sure what the gesture is supposed to mean. ]

.. I'm not really sure that there is anymore. [ he takes a shaky little breath, eyes burning suddenly, fighting the faint tremble in his limbs. ] Maybe you won't recognize me the next time you see me, Valentine.

[justlittle]

[Bean smirks.] My mun had the same thought. Our two worlds aren't so drastically different, really. Just inscale and location. We could have commanded jaegers to victory just as wwell.

[atallcost]

Better. Some of the losses they incurred shouldn't have happened. Wouldn't have, had we been there.

[justlittle]

Or if their PPDC had half the funding our IF had.