What am I doing!? (Canon is Twisted Metal)

[twisted_paw]

Yes, just what are you doing? You know very well that this little arrangement of ours won't last long. Soon, I'll be on my way, and you'll be back to your normal and boring existence.

...You want me to do what? Now? It's not even December! Nor do I have any way of gauging just who is worthy here. I cannot exactly hold my contest without drivers, now can I? But, I suppose I could grant a few wishes, just so long as we're clear that my methods are my own, and not even you can change that.

Agreed? Good.

[OOC: Step up, one and all. Have your deepest, darkest wishes granted... but with a twist. Calypso here kind of prides himself in turning wishes against people, so keep that in mind when talking to the demonspawn.]

Comments

[psimera]

...
What kind of wishes can you grant?

[twisted_paw]

Any kind of wish you desire. The only limitation placed upon me at the moment is the escape of our current... 'mun' situation.

So, tell me, what is it you desire?

[psimera]

...
There is nothing I desire personally. Master Porky may want to wish for a speedier retrieval of all the Needles, however.

[twisted_paw]

Hmm, well, I'm afraid I cannot grant wishes for people who are not before me. Call it a quirk of mine.

...I could retrieve Needles for you, however.

[Griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.]

[psimera]

[The Commander immediately jumps to the conclusion that -] You know PK Love?

[twisted_paw]

I suppose I do, in a sense.

[He lifts one hand, shooting lightning from his palm to strike the ground. A small portal appears, from which a psychotic looking clown claws his way from, brandishing a large scrap-metal blade.]

Here you are. Meet Needles Kane.

[Insert sinister laughter here.]

[psimera]

...

[Well then.]

...
It seems you are flawed. Your wishes cannot grant things outside your frame of reference. I assume that is the problem. [Not to mention he didn't actually wish yet.]

[He will stay out of reach of Needles Kane, though. He doesn't trust the looks of that one. Which isn't exactly surprising.]

[twisted_paw]

[He just laughs as Needles lunges forward, swiping his blade.]

Oh no, my power knows no bounds. I simply chose this. You wished to retrieve Needles, and so Needles Kane was retrieved. Count yourself lucky. I could have summoned a cloud of poisoned acupuncture needles.

[psimera]

...
Your wish granting is still flawed. It does not produce the correct results. Whether it is your choice makes no difference in the flaw, it just makes the flaw have a different cause.

[His eyes widen slightly when Needles lunges forward - right, he was justified in being wary about that one. Luckily he's prepared enough to jump away, pulling out his own sword from his side to block further swipes. Depending on how good Needles is, the Commander might be distracted enough to miss Calypso's next words - assuming Calypso does respond, that is.]

[twisted_paw]

[Calypso, for his part will just take a seat on a throne of broken and twisted car parts that materialized out of nowhere. Needles, while possessing above average strength, does not have any formal training and as such is rather feral in his movements, swinging in wide arcs with little thought to accuracy or finesse.]

Tell you what. Defeat mister Kane in combat, and I'll give you a second chance at wording your wish a bit better.

[psimera]

[That makes it - rather easy for the Commander, actually. He's probably not as strong as Needles - even with his cybernetic upgrades, he still has the body of a child. On the other hand, he was programmed with training.]

...

[Most likely, what he'll spend his time doing is avoiding attacks more than blocking them. If he gets in serious trouble, he still has his PSI attacks, and meanwhile, this isn't distracting enough that he can't hear Calypso - it would have been much harder for the Commander if Needles had normal or even less than normal strength, but was more skilled.]

I will have to decline. With what you have confessed, I assume I would have to catch every possible twist in the wish to obtain a favourable outcome, while you would only have to find one loophole.

[With nothing else he's interested in here, and no way of knowing if Needles has more stamina than him, the Commander's goal becomes retreat instead. He'll change his strategy to attempting to get far enough away from Needles so that he can safely activate his jet pack.]

[twisted_paw]

Quite the contrary. I am confined to the wording of the wish itself. The simpler the wish, the tighter the loops are pulled. For instance, there is only so much I could do should you wish for power.

[The kind of power, well... you get the idea. Kane, however is single-minded in his attack. Unfortunately, the Commander is much faster than him, making maintaining attack range a near impossibility. Despite his calm and even amused demeanor, Calypso is very close to lashing out in his own rage. He hates it when people don't take the bait. Even so, his rage would be limited to Needles, as no contest had been won and no wish made, and Needles was conjured by a 'wish' of sorts.]

[psimera]

I don't believe any of the wishes I would make are simple. [Well - he can think of one. But he's still experiencing what he obstinately thinks of as errors in his programming that are preventing him from wanting to make it. Master Porky would have to come make it himself.]

[There - that's far enough. It's a very close squeeze, but the wings of his jet pack unfold and he shoots into the air just fast enough to avoid damage from Needles. Lucky - if it had hit, he doesn't have quite the durability that would prevent it from causing a lot of damage.]

[He'll just be leaving now, after giving Calypso the chance to offer one or two more words.]