Voice testing; series is Chew

[fdaterminator]

Really, lady? We're seriously going to do this? You just read the fucking things today.

...Fine, you know what? Whatever. Do what you want. I've seen the other freaks you got up in that messed up little head of yours, and if they can't stop you I'm not even gonna waste my time.

[Then again... Here comes the smolder.

Or not.] Ow. Owowowowow. Fucking bitch.

[Yelling at the sky.] IF YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME SOMEWHERE, MAKE SURE IT'S GOT SOME ACTION--AND CHICKEN!

Comments

[cibopath]

John.

Don't hit on your goddamn player.

[fdaterminator]

Ton!

[Drapes an arm around Tony.] Why not? It worked with Applebee.

And Director Peñya.

[cibopath]

[His shoulders go stiff oh my GOD he does not need to imagine either of those things happening.]

That doesn't make it okay!

And when did you screw Applebee?! Wait-- no, I don't want to know when you screwed Applebee, please don't answer that question.

[fdaterminator]

[Oh Tony lighten up a little!]

Huh? But I thought you kne--What did you think I did to get him off your back? Or get us back in the good graces of the FDA? I sure as hell didn't buy him a box of chocolates, then take him out to a nice restaurant! He usually did that for me.

By the way, do you notice a connection with either of those things, buddy?

[cibopath]

["tony" and "lighten up" don't belong in the same sentence like ever.]

Talked to him?! [Tony shudders. Applebee. REALLY.] You didn't need to-- to have sex with him to do that, did you?

...Should I be noticing something?

[fdaterminator]

[He really should know by now but he's still going to try.]

Oh come on? What was practically the first thing I told you when I became FDA? Everyone's gay, except you because you're an asshole who can't multitask.

[Pokes Tony square in the chest.] You, dumbass. I did it for you, both times, so stop giving me shit.

[cibopath]

Ow!

Wait. [Tony recoils a little when prodded in the chest, until the weight of what Colby's just said starts to set in.] Really?

That's. That's simultaneously the sleaziest and the nicest thing that anybody's ever done for me, John. Thanks.

[fdaterminator]

Don't be such a wimp, Tony, only my face is all Terminator. That shouldn't have hurt.

[That's John Colby for you.] Better. Glad we could reach an understanding.

So how long have you been stuck here?

[cibopath]

Poke lighter when you're trying to make a point, then. [EYE ROLL.]

Yeah. [more convincingly this time.] Thanks, partner.

A while. I've been sitting in the background for almost all of it, though-- it gets really boring really quickly. I haven't had to eat anything decaying since she picked me up, though, which is always a good thing.

[ex_stormglass998]

You have some interesting priorities. Is chicken the only requirement, or will any meat do?

[fdaterminator]

Nothing illegal about any other meat.

[ex_stormglass998]

Illegal? I had no idea that food could be illegal.

[fdaterminator]

Yeah well after the Avian flu outbreak--Which I still call bullshit on, by the way--chicken became a no-go. Though with all the other bullshit going on right now it's pretty low on the totem pole.

But more importantly, why don't you know this?

[ex_stormglass998]

I am unaware because nothing like that has happened in the world I come from. Sounds horrible though. Whenever I'm on land, I usually have a chicken dinner with my crew.

[fdaterminator]

Different worlds. Right. Still getting used to that level of "oh come on, really?"

Before the prohibition, I didn't give a good goddamn about chicken. That shit is delicious.

[ex_stormglass998]

It is a bit unnerving, but I am sure it is something we all will get used to in time.

Ah. That sounds like a familiar story though. Always wanting what you can't have.

[fdaterminator]

I guess different Earths or whatever is a step down from freaky alien writing that appeared in the sky during Thanksgiving.

I guess so. Or you don't know what you got 'till it's gone. [Snorts.] Look at me, all philosophical.

[ofdrumsthesound]

The mun says that you're from a weird comic about people with stupid superpowers.

Also that food is involved.

[fdaterminator]

Hey! Don't you lump me in with all those food weirdos! You see this handsome face? [Vanna White's his cyborg side.] This was from a butcher knife.

TO THE FACE.

It was either look like some terminator reject or be six feet deep--it was really a no brainer.

[ofdrumsthesound]

I suppose it would be. Still, powers like really descriptive writing and food-based clairvoyance? Stupid.

[fdaterminator]

[Colby's eyes narrow.] That's my partner's girlfriend and sister you're talking about. They may all be food freaks, but it isn't like they asked for it.

[ofdrumsthesound]

*He shrugs.* I suppose it could be worse. Like being able to levitate, but only when in an airplane.

[fdaterminator]

You fucking-- [Throws a punch. He's not exactly known for his even temper.]

[ofdrumsthesound]

*The punch never lands. Not because the Master moved out of the way, but because he's not entirely there at the moment.

*Hope you don't mind a few energy burns on that fist.*

Don't try it again. I get hungry when I do that. Really, really hungry . . . *He grins in an unhinged sort of way.* I never said my powers were any better, after all.

[fdaterminator]

[Colby immediately recoils and brings his stinging hand to his chest, hissing.] MOTHERFUCKER!

I. HAVE. HAD IT. WITH ALL OF YOU GODDAMN WEIRDOS!