because enablers

[psychomagnet]

Alright, so let me see if I'm catching what you're throwing at me sister, because even if I am right, I'm still pretty sure you're fucking tinfoil hats and conspiracy-theory crazy. You've got me up here dangling like bait on a motherfucking hook so you can see if you can land some weird-as-shit alien kids for me to swear at?

Oh, excuse me, swear with?

Holy shit, you're seriously fucking insane. Or bored. Sometimes they come pretty close to being the same, you know that?



...whatever, I hope you're ready for a whole lotta disappointment.

Comments

[acrotomophile]

[Shakes his head and says chidingly,] Now, Debra, you don't really think you're a disappointment, do you?

Chin up.

1/2

[psychomagnet]

...Oh fuck me.

[psychomagnet]

You? You don't get to tell me who is or isn't a fucking disappointment.

[acrotomophile]

Harsh. Okay, here's an idea-- I'll be your swear buddy while we wait for the alien kids to show up.

Just think how cathartic it'll be for you.

[psychomagnet]

Cathartic? You know what'd be real cathartic for me, you raging douche? Taking you out at the kneecaps and kicking you a few dozen times while you're writhing on the goddamn ground- that would be motherfucking cathartic.

[acrotomophile]

Funny how I feel exactly the same way. But you don't see me giving into the urges, do you? Practice some self-control; you're supposed to be made of stiff moral fiber.

[crabtankerous]

IN CASE YOU MISSED THE MEMO ABOUT SHIT THAT BECAME A THING WHEN NO ONE WAS LOOKING, THEY'RE ALL FUCKING MORONIC WRIGGLERS WHO CAN'T SHUT THEIR PROTEIN CHUTES FOR TEN GOGDAMNED SECONDS.
ALSO, FUCK YOU FOR POSTING THIS AND FUCK MY MUN FOR INSISTING I REPLY.
WOOPDEE FUCKING DOO.
EXCUSE ME WHILE I PREPARE TO FLIP MY SHIT OFF THE NEAREST HIVE ROOF.

[psychomagnet]

Okay, first- holy shit you're a little gray kid, what actual motherfuck?

Second- that's a whole lot of goddamn text to say these folks are crazy assholes and that you're not here of your own free fucking will. Because guess what genius, I didn't exactly start jumping up and down to volunteer for this bullshit dog and fucking pony show this dame thinks she has going like a little kid at a fucking magic show, alright?

Try not to land on the grass when you hit the ground, it's hell for the lab geeks when you shitheads don't hit the concrete.

[crabtankerous]

BRILLIANT FUCKING DEDUCTION THERE. IS IT MY TURN TO SAY SOMETHING REALLY GOGDAMED OBVIOUS?
WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO DUMB IT DOWN FOR YOU?
IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB TO WRITE SHIT SO THAT RETARDED NOOKSNIFFERS CAN UNDERSTAND THEM.
AND OH LOOK. THERE GOES MY SHIT. FLIPPING OFF THAT ROOF LIKE A SUICIDAL LOVER LEFT JILTED AFTER HIS MATESPRIT HOOKS UP WITH HIS MOIRAIL.
AND THEN THE CREDITS ROLL BECAUSE IT'S THE STUPIDEST GOGDAMNED MOVIE EVER MADE.
WEEP UNTIL YOUR WEIRD FUCKING CLEAR LIQUID DUCTS DRY UP LIKE A PUDDLE ON A HOT ALTERNIAN DAY.

[psychomagnet]

Kid, I seriously don't think you could make it any dumber than it already sounds dribbling out of your goddamn mouth like someone broke the fucking faucet. Never said I didn't understand it, by the way, just said you talk too much which- oh look- ya fucking do!

Jesus, do yourself a favor and never become a lawyer, if you guys even have those. The prosecution would eat you alive faster than a fat guy at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

[crabtankerous]

I'VE HEARD WORSE INSULTS OUT OF A STONED OUT OF HIS THINKPAN JUGALO RETARD THAN WHAT YOUR CHURNING OUR RIGHT NOW.
AND REMIND ME WHICH ONE OF US HERE IS THE ONE WHO CAME LOOKING FOR A VERBAL THRASHING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OH FUCK.
WHAT'S THAT?
IT WAS YOU?
NO SHIT.
LOOK HOW ASTONISHED I AM.
ALL THESE PINK GOGDAMNED WRIGGLERS ARE ALWAYS LINING UP TO GET THEIR WASTE CHUTES HANDED TO THEM.
THIS IS NOTHING EVEN REMOTELY NEW OR UNEXPECTED.
AND HERE I AM. IN ALL MY MAGNAMIMOUS BRILLIANCE.
I JUST GIVE AND FUCKING GIVE.

[electricjesus]

Why are you supposed to be swearing at aliens?

[psychomagnet]

You know if I knew that, I mighta been able to stop her from doing this.

[electricjesus]

No, you wouldn't. Don't kid yourself. They're sadistic, they'll always be sadistic, whether or not we understand or like it.

[psychomagnet]

Buddy, I think you need to reexamine the meaning of the word 'sadistic'. I'd go with 'delusional' and maybe 'egotistical', but I dunno, maybe mine's a different kind of nucking futs than yours is.

[frustration]

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE HAVING ANY TROUBLE WITH THAT ONE.
CONSIDERING YOU JUST SWORE YOURSELF ALL THE WAY INTO NEXT WEEK.
WE FLOCK, YOU KNOW.
WE FLOCK LIKE EXCITED LITTLE PROFANITY WINGBEASTS TO EVERY SINGLE GRACEFUL 'FUCK' THAT LEAVES YOUR LIPS.
TWEET TWEET DAMN.

[psychomagnet]

Fuck me, maybe I should've been a little more goddamn eloquent then, kept the fucks to a minimum.

No really, fuck you- like I care what draws you batshit little freaks in like flies to a shit sale at the county fucking dump, Christ. What the hell are you douchebags supposed to be, anyway?

[frustration]

YEAH, THE FUCK POLICE. THEY'LL BE ONTO YOU PRETTY SOON.
IF THEY'RE NOT ALREADY. I SHOULD GET OUT OF HERE.
THOUGH BEFORE I LEAVE, I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU A LITTLE QUESTION.
HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU SPEND ON YOUR LITTLE PRIMITIVE INTERNET?

[psychomagnet]

Gotta say, if it's taken them this long, I'm not gonna hold my breath for them to get their sweaty, desk-jockey hands on me. Or you, for that matter, since you're probably more there taste there, Lolita.

...what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

You clearly needed even more Karkat in this post.

[adoraglubthirsty]

ATTENTION, WASTE OF BREATH-FLAPPING MONKEYS EVERYWHERE, THIS IS THE VOICE OF YOUR FUTURE TYRANNICAL RULER, BELLOWING FROM ON HIGH
NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
WHY THE GLUB IS THIS GETTING BEAMED INTO MY CARTILAGINOUS NUB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING DAY, LIKE I'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN EXCHANGE INSULTS WITH SOME FECULENT PIECE OF DUST-SUCKING PEONSHIT?
WAKE UP, KARKAT! COME AND SENSE THE BLOOD IN THE WATER WAFTING ACROSS YOUR SWEET EXALTED GILL RECEPTORS! IT SMELLS LIKE FLIPPED SHIT! I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO! I CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE ANYTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO DO THAN TROLL THE CLUSTERGLUB OUT OF MAMMALIAN NOOK-SCRATCHING HAIR-BEASTS!
FUCK YOU. ALSO? FUCK YOU.
NOW WHO THE GLUBBING HELL ARE YOU AND WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

[psychomagnet]

Okay, wow- someone has some serious delusions of grandeur going on, let's just get that out of the way before I really get started, alright?

Now- do you always ask yourself rhetorical fucking questions when you're pissed, or is that an all day, every day kind of thing for you? Also- the really weird biology references sound kiiiind of dirty, not to mention a little kinky, so you might want to doublecheck those before you hit send next time, alright cupcake?

Now, who the fuck are you to ask me who the fuck I am like I'm supposed to just answer to your megalomaniacal power-trip bullshit on goddamn command?

also a Karkat that isn't a Karkat

[krabhammertime]

OK bitch here's what you need to do.
You need to
calm your tits
the fuck down
deep breaths with me can you do it
OK. Did you do it?
And then you need to accept their your current exist is now total forfeit to the laws of fucktards.
Do you feel better now?
Have you reached internet nirvana?

[psychomagnet]

And you need to shut.
Your fucking mouth.
Before I do it for you, junior.
I've got a badge, a gun, and I'm pretty sure I can pull probable cause out of my ass like a goddamn street magician if you push your luck too far, am I making myself clear? Or do you need a couple of servings of pistol whip before you catch on to the idea?

[krabhammertime]

W o w.
Fat chance, fatass.
I've got a friend in law school and I'm pretty fucking sure that if you pistol whipped me and/or shut my mouth for me without provocation that'd be assault, or worse.
And we all know how much people fucking loooooove cops abusing their power, am I right?
I haven't done a goddamn thing except let off a few choice f-bombs at you, and I haven't done shit to make you question your safety.
Unless you're that piss scared of some asshole cussing at you like a little pussy, but then if that's true why the fuck are you a cop?
That's probably not the case seeing as you just threatened to pistol whip me for it.
There isn't a jury on this fucking planet that would rule in your favor.
Except maybe China's.
Fuck China.

[psychomagnet]

Eyes off my ass junior, ain't gonna do you any good.

Nice for you that you got a friend in law school- what do you wanna bet you still wouldn't stand a chance if I really wanted to do it? Now, if you don't want to get your ass beat within an inch of your sad little existence, why don't you try a little fucking respect when you're talking to someone? Fucking hate shitheads like you running their goddamn mouths off without a fuck given in the world just because you watch a little SVU and know a law geek. And FYI? I don't threaten people when I'm scared- like I would be, of some bitch hiding behind some eye-searing fucking text on a computer- I threaten them when I'm pissed.

But hey, if you really want to make this a thing, I'm sure I can arrange a trip to China for you, let them hear what you think of their country in goddam person, tough guy.