[on upcoming apping to Poly]

[buysthegoodshit]

A city in the middle of fuck knows where, that just turned into a sandcastle, and you think it's a good idea to send me there. Right.  Have you seen the people they have there?  They've got vampires.  Vampires.  As in plural.  And I'm pretty sure there's a zombie.  That's movie shit right there, not reality.  Planet Terror levels of movie shit.  We're talking... disemboweled bodies, limbs thrown around with reckless abandon.  And you want to put me in with those freaks?

You're insane.  Clinically insane.  I don't even care that they've got that other crew.  Whatever, they can deal with it themselves, have a fucking party; I've already got a life, okay?  And it would actually be going pretty good if this kind of shit didn't keep happening.  I'm sitting this one out, I don't care what you've got to say about it.

Comments

[charring]

Who the fuck are you calling a freak?

[buysthegoodshit]

Are you serious with that? What part of "vampires and zombie" doesn't spell out freak to you? Listen, they could be great fucking people, I'm not debating that. But at the end of the day, they both kind of break whatever your definition of "normal" is.

[charring]

So do I. Hence my question.

[buysthegoodshit]

...Hang on. What?

I was right. I'm in the fucking Twilight Zone. Weeks early.

Okay, lay it on me before I decide to fuck this shit and go back to bed. What's your deal?

[charring]

Fire. Lots of it, just at a thought.

[buysthegoodshit]

...You're shitting me.

[charring]

I shit you not.

[buysthegoodshit]

I already know I'm gonna regret this, but prove it.

[charring]

[Charlie turns her attention to a small trashcan nearby, focusing for a moment and hey! Fire. She lets that go for a moment or two before pulling it back and the fire is out.]

See?

[buysthegoodshit]

[You...that...No. Just no. That is not how the world works.]

I am fucking dreaming. Or possibly going crazy.

Where's the trick?

[lovesgod]

I, uh.

I don't really think she cares about your valuable opinions.

[buysthegoodshit]

Yeah, kinda got that impression, thanks for the tip. I'm just saying.

It would be nice to be listened to for once.

[lovesgod]

Now I know you're definitely in the wrong place.

[buysthegoodshit]

Is it really that much to ask for? I mean, come on. Throw me a bone here, I'm not asking for the moon and the stars.

[lovesgod]

Well, if you're not getting, it's too much to ask for. But given as that, you know, you just exist for her entertainment, and this is how she wants to entertain herself..... no bones allowed.

[buysthegoodshit]

I'm not saying I won't go, I know I don't have a choice; she just sent off the damn application. I'm just saying it would be nice to be consulted even if she's not gonna listen.

[lovesgod]

She just likes the way you complain, I bet.

[buysthegoodshit]

I wouldn't be surprised. She seems like the type.

[lovesgod]

Humans.

[buysthegoodshit]

Uh-huh. Like you're not part of the group.

[lovesgod]

Actually, I'm what your tiny ape mind might think of as the devil.

[buysthegoodshit]

Because clearly this day needs to get more fucking surreal.

[lovesgod]

Step right up!

[buysthegoodshit]

What are you, a carnival barker now?

[lovesgod]

Might as well add that one to the resume. I'm a lot of things.

[buysthegoodshit]

Jack of all trades, master of none?

[lovesgod]

Jack of all trades, master of all.

[buysthegoodshit]

Cocky of you.

[lovesgod]

I am the second or third most powerful being in the universe.

[buysthegoodshit]

Right, right. Of course you are, 'cause you're the fucking devil. Hate to break it to you though, I don't have a fiddle.

[lovesgod]

If I wanted your soul, no stupid human song would keep me from it.

[therosensaint]

Freaks? Excuse me?

[buysthegoodshit]

Fucking christ, what is it with redheads and that word today? You'd think I was going through the whole alphabet of slurs, the amount of noise you're making. You gotta admit, vampires and zombies are kind of freakish.

[therosensaint]

Maybe it's God's way of having karma bite you. Amount of noise? What is that supposed to mean? I'm a freak to you?!

[buysthegoodshit]

No, karma biting me in the ass is a dead guy in my garage. This? I don't even know what this is. Somebody's idea of a sick joke.

[Pause pause]

...What?

[therosensaint]

Whatever. That's good. Because your obviously blind.

What? Never seen a real vampire before?

[buysthegoodshit]

Considering I live in the real world, no.

...You're serious.

[therosensaint]

And I don't? Just because I'm from a different world doesn't mean it's fake.

Believe what you want.

[buysthegoodshit]

If you're a vampire, aren't you supposed to be a bloodsucking fiend?

[therosensaint]

That's a stereotype. I'm not a bloodthirsty like in the movies. I do have manners and everything.

[buysthegoodshit]

Clearly, since you're having a conversation and my blood's still contained. Obviously you're a well-behaved monster.

[therosensaint]

I'm not a monster! Geez.

[buysthegoodshit]

You're a vampire, by definition that says "monster". I'm not saying it's an insult or anything, I'm just saying.

[therosensaint]

I hope the vampires and zombies eat your brain. [Leaves with her arms crossed]

[buysthegoodshit]

Real nice. Thanks, I really appreciate that. Great sentiment to have going into this. Very fucking classy.

[Not that he expects her to answer, because...he doesn't.]