dear_mun | (no subject)

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I refuse to call you supreme fleshy one. You are clearly attempting to be funny, and I don't find it so. It's bad enough I am forced to share residence with your fleshy brainmeats when you would obviously be better served if I just took over. My robot brain is superior, and much less likely to be compromised by your unhelpful squealing. You sound like a pig. Or maybe a rabid bat. I don't know how anyone takes you seriously.

I suppose the one benefit to this boat suggestion of yours is that after all of S.I.L.E.N.T.'s attacks, comparatively speaking it doesn't actually sound that daunting.

Facing a talking Tyrannosaurus, attack koalas, and M.O.D.O.K.s that look like Elvis tends to broaden your horizons that way.

And I doubt this Admiral could possibly be any more psychotic and insane than Anger.

I suppose asking if you could at least have the decency to NOT let me walk into this probable madness with a gaping hole in my sexy robot chest would be too much.

...At least tell me I will be allowed access to the bar. My robot brain needs beer if you're going to insist.

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...Someone built a robot that can drink beer? About bloody time.

It is one of the few hoo-man creations that I've found is actually worthwhile.

[Aaron you were created by one of those hoo-mans. Be nice.]

Oh, bless. Some of 'em are terribly clever. You should do well on the Barge, by the sound of it.

...you are not a fleshy one.

[Calculating. Please hold. His voice actually gets a little more distant, a little more tinny.]

Two hearts. Much more complicated respiratory system and nervous system than standard humanoid.

What are you? I am not familiar with your composition.

I'm fleshy in all the right places, thank you very much.

...but aye, per'aps a little bit nonstandard.

[If he had eyelids, now would be the time where he blinks. As it is he just gives her a blank look for a few long seconds.]

Yes. You are.

But too old for me.

[Questioning headtilt.]

Explain, binary mammal.

Vintage, if you don't mind. I'll be younger next go-round. I've 'ad a sneak preview.

[All the smugface.]

Oh, I'm unique.

"Vintage" is a word fleshy ones call things to make them seem more desirable when they are functionally obsolete.

[So there.]

...unless you're describing wine. For some reason.

Are you wine?

Proportionately? More likely gin, sweetheart. But I definitely improve with age.

...I fought broccoli men once. It was very unsatisfying. They turned to ooze when you hit them.

I find that unlikely. Biological organisms by definition do not do well when you age them. They die and rot.

My name is Aaron Stack.

You could've just steamed and ate 'em.

Iris, lovey; Iris Wildthyme. Lovely to meet you.

They were trying to kill us, it wasn't practical. Also they didn't look like broccoli until you hit them.

What are you, Iris Wildthyme?

Unique, sweetheart.

...What'd they look like before that? I once knocked someone out with a marrow, but it seems you've one-upped me in the vegetable combat arena.

Edited 2013-05-20 21:44 (UTC)

That is not an answer. Unique is not a species. Everything is unique and the same.

Robots. Fleshy ones. Fleshy ones in metal suits. Fleshy ones in capes and spandex.

[That's a lot of acronyms.]

Human humor is a complex concept, though you appear to have a better grasp on its nuances.

[Yes. Yes it is. He's just gotten started.]

Of course I do. I am a superior model, equipped with advanced learning protocols and cognitive reasoning servos. I have spent many years among fleshy ones, it would be an insult to my fancy robot brain if I did not understand their humor.

Although I still wish they would stop the ones involving the sounds they make. Even fancy robot brain parts can't make those pleasing.

Perhaps the fancy robot brain can acquire a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

[Dry.]

It's more efficient to turn off my audio sensors.

But their fleshy mouthparts keep moving and they make stupid faces. And the last time I attempted it someone threw a disarmed grenade at my head because I wasn't paying attention.

You are speaking nonsense, Aaron.

[...o-oh. Hi. Cue a sheepish look; he supposes it could be seen that way from an outside party.]

Jocasta.

[No, do not have hopeful emotion undertones, Aaron. That's not helpful.]

My writer thought it would be beneficial to send me to an interdimensional prison. For some reason I can't parse. Her fleshy brain appears to be faulty often in that way.

...how are you?

My systems are running as well as ever. Thank you for asking. And yourself?

Aside from being sent to an interdimensional prison. I imagine that must be frustrating.

[That's not...okay. That'll work.]

The hole in my chestplate was inconvenient, as was the general insistence that I must be dead because of it. And it is frustrating being told repeatedly that my programming is compromised. But otherwise it has been more tolerable than I would have expected, if highly disorganized.

[ okay there's the concern in her sound bites now!!! dammit aaron ]

You have found someone to do repairs for you, yes? Surely there must be someone there who has been able to help you. [ a beat ] As much as -- I'm sure -- the robot women must enjoy the sight of your "sexy robot chest".

[ she smiles a little under that presumably cold robot demeanor!! ]

[You can't resist him, Jocasta. Just accept it. He's way better than Ultron, you know this.

Her concern and the smile, no matter how slight, seems to cheer him in turn.]

They have a cybernetic repair shop, which made the process easier. There have been two females and an alien who seemed interested in volunteering their knowledge, but I doubt they would do more than poke their grubby fleshy hands in there and make things worse.

[A beat.]

There are only two other robots there. Only one is female, and she does not seem impressed by much of anything.

[ okay lbr everyone's better than ultron. ]

I would not turn them down, regardless. You shouldn't reject everyone who comes to call, Aaron.

[ a measured pause and a coy smile ]

So I have no reason to be jealous then.

[Doesn't mean he can't make sure everybody knows! ...he's got a complex okay he's sorry.]

...I don't reject everyone who comes to call.

[No he's not sulking that would be ridiculous.]

I just don't want them ruining my complicated systems with their attempts to "help".

[The coy smile gets a teasing smirk in return.]

I wouldn't say that, the game is early still; it's possible she will eventually change her mind.

[But he kind of doubts it and he likes his robot girls with more emotions anyway.]

What will you do when there is no one to help you, Aaron? I do not mean to sound like I am nagging -- I am just worried that something worse will happen to you and you will have turned away anyone who could help.

Your complicated systems or not.

[ she hehs a little, tilting her head to the side ]

I suppose I am lucky that jealousy must be out of my emotional spectrum then. [ it isn't ]

I have already died by their definitions, Jocasta, I don't think there is much worse they can do to me here. But your concern is logged and appreciated.

There is a simple solution to this. Both your allegedly non-existent but nonetheless evident jealousy as well as the problem of having no-one reliable there to ensure my continued maintenance.

[It trails off into almost a question at the end, smirk turning impish; yeah. He noticed that.]

...Although if what I have already experienced of this place is any indication I doubt it's even passing familiar with "simple".

Are you trying to say what I think you are saying?

Edited 2013-06-12 02:41 (UTC)

You have to admit, it would be an elegant solution to both of the problems. And I am fairly certain if the universe has any idea of how it should be operating you will not have my particular indignity.

[He misses her okay. Also he is surrounded by humans and it's worrying and annoying.]

What about the Avengers? And Mister Jarvis? I cannot up and abandon them.

Unless... you perhaps... might need me more?

I have been told we return to the exact moment we left from; the fleshy ones won't know you've gone anywhere.

I am serving time for allegedly faulty programming on a ship in space I'm not allowed to leave and surrounded by inane meatsacks. I have already considered driving the ship into a black hole once I figure out how. Your presence would not go unappreciated, and would probably cut the urge in half.

[So...interpret that how you want, Jocasta. ...At least he's not threatening to break people?]

Also you are much more attractive than the other robot female here so the scenery would be vastly improved. And you wouldn't need to worry about my continued well-being so much.

["Need" is very subjective.]

Ah.

Well, you certainly make a rather good argument, Aaron. I will have to consider it, at the very least, to make sure nothing happens to you.

And to protect the humans to ensure that no harm comes to them by your hands. [ another quirk of a smile ]

Of course I make a good argument. I am full of good arguments.

[Nope nope not a derpy smile Aaron stop.]

I have been behaving so far; I'm still a hero, you know.

Yes, I do recall someone assisting me in battling against zombies.

Assisting? As I remember it I did most of the battling.

Your memory units must be malfunctioning then.

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