dear_mun | today's episode in 'I play REALLY minor characters'...

[That's all he needs to hear. Koltira was happy to see him, despite all that darkness around his brother's heart. Faltora smiles, but he can feel the warmth of tears on his cheeks. For a moment, he expects his brother to put him in a headlock and make merciless fun of him for that fact.]

Don't apologize, chinfuzz.

[A weak attempt at normalcy, even if it was a little shaky.

A couple of minutes ago, he had wished Koltira would vanish into thin air for making a fool out of him in front of Merriel. Now he couldn't bear the thought of him leaving.

...and to see that pain. How could they have raised his poor brother alone?]

We knew it was dangerous, Koltira. I don't blame you for anything - I never will.

[ faltora had always been the more.. sensitive of the two. koltira had been rough around the edges, even then, and since his death he has only grown colder still, more distant, more rigid. feelings were never a thing he had been comfortable expressing even in life, and now. now he keeps them tightly locked away, now he ignores them, and does what he can not to think of them.

but the tears shining on his brother's face are almost enough to break him.

koltira grimaces, hisses through his teeth, tears his gaze away and glances aside because he cannot handle this. faltora does not blame him and that is his right, but koltira will always blame himself. his baby brother, slain before his eyes, an'owyn, quel'thalas - surely it is absurd to think that one elf could have made the difference and yet.. and yet koltira will hold himself responsible nonetheless. big brothers are not supposed to outlive little brothers.

he opens his mouth to speak, but soon closes it again, and heaves a rattling sigh; koltira is ill equipped to handle this. a shame one cannot slay their beastly feelings with a sword. that would be much easier. ]

Please. Don't--

[ in life he might have reached for him, grasped him and hugged him and teased him, gently, for his overabundant sensitivity. but now.. ]

[He was so different. So withdrawn, so cold and almost sharp in his movements and reactions. That hiss and the way he turned away told Faltora everything - Koltira would blame himself for this, no matter what he said.

The younger elf sighs slightly, stepping closer. Part of him is terrified - he had stood face to face with one of these before after smacking the man off his horse.

...but that man had not killed him. Koltira wouldn't hurt him, either.

They were brothers.]

Don't, what? Cry like a stupid child?

[He smiles - or tries to. Then Faltora tries to reach out for his brother, a bit hesitant both due to the general deadness and the fact that the armor Koltira was wearing looked like it could impale him.]

[ it's not often that koltira struggles so intensely with his emotions. they are frozen in the back of his black heart, and no others - not even thassarian, most times - ever seek to stir them. oh, of course the human doesn't know when to shut his trap about some things but thassarian knows to keep his distance when he needs to, he knows how to give koltira space.

but faltora? he can hardly hope for such a thing from him. but in a way he.. craves it. somewhere deep below the surface he struggles with it, with the urge to touch him, to hug him tightly, to feel that he is real and not some cruel illusion. to tell him all the things he would have told him, had he known that that terrible day would have been the last on which he would see his brother. and faltora pushes him, goads him even now, with words and actions alike. ]

Yes, that. [ he hisses just a little too sharply, and offers no further explanation because now faltora is reaching for him, with all of that desperate warmth in his face, and koltira is frozen solid. his expression tenses, his brows crease, and his voice drops to something quiet, a harsh, echoing whisper. ]

.. you shouldn't.

[ because what good could come of it? koltira would not inflict himself upon anyone, least of all faltora. ]

[It was harsh, cold. Faltora didn't expect to hear that tone from his brother, and now it surprised him every time. Sure, he had never been the emotional one, but seeing him like this and hearing that cold voice was like someone stabbed the younger elf in the guts.

It wasn't right. He had to do something, fix it all. Koltira had always supported him, even if it was mostly in his own annoying way that usually made Faltora embarrassed. Fighting together, training together - hell, who took care of skinned knees when they were really small?

Shaking his head, he grabs on to his brother's shoulder and pulls himself forward to a hug.]

I should.

[ it's..

.. entirely foreign. koltira isn't even certain he remembers how to hug. how to interact in a healthy way. and with the living. had he a beating heart it would be pounding in his chest, and as it stands he is tense as a pole, and rigid with shock.

but this.. it is faltora, his brother, and to feel him so near again is disarming in a way that koltira can't even begin to describe. everything rails within him to stop, to push him away, to extricate him from all of this painful nonsense and yet he cannot bring himself to do it. the war within him drags on and on until at last, despite his own misgivings and uncertainties, koltira's arms rise as if by rote, closing around faltora, hugging tightly, perhaps too tightly, but now that this dam has burst he cannot stop the flood. ]

Brother..

[There was a 'oomph' sound of Faltora's air leaving his lungs at that tightening grip, but he only smiles and returns it almost as hard.

Koltira.... he is so tensed, stiff like the corpse he resembled. Their armor was in the way, but Faltora didn't care. Hard, rigid, spiky - it didn't matter. Right now, this was the best hug in his entire life.

His brother had accepted it. He couldn't be a monster.

All he needed was to remember that, right? Then he could be happy again. They could be happy again - at least in this place, where his impending death didn't matter.]

Koltira.

[This was almost too much in a short time - his brother was undead, he was about to die, Merriel had been murdered... the scourge had come for the moonstone.

Yet this was more important than anything. Somehow, it made up for everything.

Koltira still loved him.]

[ happiness, well. surely faltora is reaching a little far on that one, but seeing his brother alive, alive and content - it's surely something good, though it is painful too, in many ways. koltira has never forgotten him, and never would, yet seeing him before his eyes again stirs up so much pain, things old and buried and scarred over are being torn open again. after all, when had koltira ever had the time to properly mourn his family? his home?

never. and he never would, now, it's far too late. those bones have mended, awkwardly and incorrectly, but what is done is done. still koltira holds to his brother for many long moments, as if he could keep him here indefinitely with his grip, as if faltora will melt away from him the moment he lets go.

never has he felt so joyful, and anguished, all at once. ]

.. I've missed you -- [ he says quietly, as he finally disengages, though one gloved hand remains clamped tightly on faltora's shoulder. something like a cutting smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth. ] -- you little brat.

[Happiness might have been a bit much to ask, but how could Faltora not hope for such things? There was too much pain, too much alien feeling around the man that was his brother. The movements weren't right, the tone was cold, the wounds so obvious to someone who knew the real Koltira.

...or the one he used to be?

Oh, he couldn't make sense of this in his head. It was better to just follow his heart and make a face at his brother at those expected words. Yes... this he could deal with. This was normal; brotherly love in the best of ways.

Awkward, trembling. But still there.]

Hey! You're the one growing a beard so people will stop thinking I'm the older brother.

[ this teasing, this.. easy banter, hasn't been extinguished from koltira entirely. though he speaks with few people - and makes friends with even fewer besides - this air about him was not driven away by undeath. often he would tease thassarian, needle him mercilessly, and though they see much less of one another since their faction split, koltira still enjoys the sport.

it reminded him well enough of faltora; thassarian is like a brother to him, though surely no replacement. perhaps he helps to fill the void. ]

Please. [ a cold scoff, and koltira lifts his chin, one eyebrow arched high. ] How could anyone think you're the elder? Look at you.

Hey, now! I've had a growth spurt these last ten years. Fit into the armor, didn't I?

[Faltora measures himself compared to his brother with a hand, smiling. This up and down in emotions hadn't left him unable to, at least.]

Ears are the same size and everything!

[Because that is seriously awkward for growing elven kids.

He grins, punching Koltira's spaulder in jest.]

Yours are still uneven.

[No they're not but shut up.]

Edited 2013-05-11 23:46 (UTC)

Barely. It's all but hanging off of you.

[ yeah that's definitely awkward, though it feels so long ago that he was ever that young. for emphasis, koltira reaches to flick his brother's left ear at the tip. ]

As any rate, you still look lopsy to me. Perhaps someday you'll grow into it.

[ he's only teasing, of course - and it's surprising how easily this comes back to him. the banter, the closeness, as if no time at all had passed between them, as if faltora had never --

well. nevertheless, if fills him with a strange, foreign sort of warmth, a thing he has not felt for many years. ]

[Faltora flexes his arm with another grin, and the shoulderpads might be a little big, but he did fill out to fit the rest of the armor. Hell, he could swing that huge sword around without issue.

~~Especially when maxed out on rage.~~

The earflick has him chuckling slightly, the offended ear twitching in reply to the touch. Yes... this was good. This was healthy.

Never mind that the touch had been cold. Koltira was warming up in other ways, acting more like his old self.

Someday you'll grow into it. Maybe not, now that he learned his impending death. It still digs a pit into his stomach, and part of him wants to ask if dying hurts, but he cannot. Not now.]

Heh. You're just saying that because your armor was getting tight around the midsection.

Edited 2013-05-12 10:36 (UTC)

Nice try.

[ koltira's smirk is sharp and hooked, teasing, confident, a mirror of days long past perhaps and yet it comes to him so easily still. sorry, faltora, you'll never win. big brothers will always be big brothers. they're undefeatable.

once he might have hooked him with an arm, pulled him in and tugged at his ears, or driven his knuckles into his hair, but koltira is no longer predisposed to such affections, even with faltora. especially with faltora. it's still too soon, it's still too fresh, and koltira is casual but he is shaken still, and reeling, in a way. so instead he gives only a sharp shove to his brother's shoulder, then crosses his plated arms over his chest. ]

Sorry, little brother. You can't win this.

[He takes the shove in stride and throws his hands up in the air, as if exasperated.]

Fine, fine. I yield.

[Big brothers always win. This is a fact, even if Faltora had always secretly planned to win at least one thing - getting married before Koltira. Then he could tease him for ~~being forever alone~~ that. Maybe even shove children in his brother's face with senseless fatherly pride.

...it really didn't work any more. They had both lost.]

[ .. both lost, indeed.

at any rate, koltira falls still again, and silent, for it seems somehow that this is coming to a close. and yet he lingers still, because he doesn't want to let go, because he can't bring himself to turn his back. koltira stiffens, his brow creased, his arms crossed loosely over his chest. ]

.. This is it, then, I suppose. This place.

[ he wonders, painfully, if he shall see him again, but already he knows the answer. ]

...yes.

[Because if he was not here, he would be nothing - and that is a sobering thought. He looks at his brother, wanting desperately to say something that would make it all alright.

He cannot.]

I'll be here. If you need me.

today's episode in 'I play REALLY minor characters'...

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