on chapter 629

[ura_no_ura]

Obito...

I'm sorry.

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[shatteredwithinillusion]

You keep saying it, but saying it will never fix it.

[ura_no_ura]

I know...

[shatteredwithinillusion]

So you can stop, because everything will be resolved soon enough. I don't care for your apologies, and your guilt is pointless.

[ura_no_ura]

You don't have to be like this, Obito. It's not too late...

[shatteredwithinillusion]

Kakashi, you still don't get it do you? I don't have to, but I made this choice. This world has to go, and any arguments you have to the contrary are futile and ill informed, don't you think?

[medinin]

That's not something you're meant to apologize for, Kakashi.

[ura_no_ura]

[ But see, that's the thing.

In the end, it comes down to a stupid, foolish decision Kakashi made when he was thirteen. When he would rather sacrifice his teammate for some stupid rules and regulations than save the girl who bandaged his wounds and healed him with soft, gentle hands. And it was that decision that cost him everything.

That decision he made was the first domino to fall. The first of many. ]

I am responsible for this...

[ Because not only did he make that terrible decision that day, but he also couldn't keep the only promise Obito ever asked him to make. ]

[medinin]

So you asked the Mist to kidnap me and try to destroy Konoha? I see, that makes sense. That's clearly all your fault.

[ That's not deeply sarcastic at all, is it? ]

I'm not saying all your choices were the right ones, but you're taking responsibility for things that aren't yours to take responsibility for. Neither of us could have stopped what happened, and if we had, things would be worse. That was a choice I made, because I knew you wouldn't.

You and Obito really did need Sensei and I around to stop you from being so stubborn, didn't you?

[ura_no_ura]

[ It isn't that Kakashi is stubborn.

It's that he knows the truth. He sees far too clearly just how deeply he failed everyone he's ever cared about. ]

I should have been able to stop them from taking you.

[ That was his failure, in the end. He couldn't protect Rin. He failed her in the most terrible way. It never should have happened, not the first time, and not the second. ]

That... That was my failure.

[ And he should've somehow stopped when he sensed Rin's chakra coming his way. Should've withdrawn his hand. Should've never sent his fist right through his chest. Should've stopped. Should've found a way. ]

[aflashoffaith]

[Oh Kakashi.]

I hope he hears you.

[That wasn't quite as sure as it should be, was it? And maybe he should have been giving an optimistic pep talk instead- Minato liked to believe he knew the right things to say, that faith would bring about change, was something to hold and cling to in hopes that it would get better.

One by one he'd failed his children. He watched them break. He lost them. A man praised for his speed, he'd never been quick enough.

Too little, too late.

It never should have been like this.]

[ura_no_ura]

[ Another ghost from his past.

Another reminder of what his decisions had resulted in: death.

His sensei, taken from this world far too early because Kakashi drove Obito insane. Because he wasn't strong enough to keep the promise he made. Because he made a decision when he was thirteen that was the worst decision of his entire life. A decision that ultimately ended with Minato in the ground and only a memorial to remember him by.

Kakashi closes his eye, letting out a trembling breath. ]

I caused this, Sensei...

[ Barely a whisper. ]

[aflashoffaith]

No.

[His tone was a little sharper that time, firm. The burden of guilt, the weight that bore down heavily from loss, from broken promises, it wasn't Kakashi's alone to carry. Funny, when Minato wanted to take it on himself, spare them from it.]

We've all contributed to the state the shinobi world is in, this cycle of hatred.

[He'd offered similar words to Naruto, a world corrupt and bleak that asked too much of it's people and broke them, leaving people like Pain and Obito to struggle in it's wake.

He still had faith that his son, Kakashi, his remaining children, would finally be the ones to stop it. To succeed where he and so many others had failed with their idyllic dreams and words and too little action.]

And to find the end of it, peace, you have to keep going.

[ura_no_ura]

[ It's difficult to keep going when there's so little left to live for.

When the boy whose memory you kept alive with your own existence turned out to be a man who'd much rather destroy the world, and all because of you. Because you are a failure who could not keep a promise to a dying friend.

And Minato can try to dress it up in pretty words and say that it isn't his fault, that he wasn't the one who caused this, who made Obito the way he is now, but Kakashi knows the truth. ]

Obito's given up on peace... and this world. I don't know how to make him see otherwise...

[notmygenes]

Senpai...

[There's not exactly much he can do to offer comfort. And he's not exactly Mr. Social Graces, either.]

[ura_no_ura]

Yo...

[ Quietly. Not quite as brightly as usual. ]

[notmygenes]

[Of course he's not as cheerful as usual. Why would he be?]

You didn't do anything wrong.

[ura_no_ura]

[ Why is Tenzou trying to talk to him about this. This is inappropriate and unnecessary and Kakashi doesn't want to talk to him about it at all. Talking about it is the last thing Kakashi wants to do when words clearly have failed him in all the worst ways. ]

Tenzou?

[obstinates]

Hey, Kakashi-sensei?

inc hold me i cant take all these feels :(

[ura_no_ura]

Hey Naruto...

[ Yeah, Kakashi's not exactly in the best of spirits at the moment. ]

it's what i'm here for y'know

[obstinates]

Hey, c'mon! Don't get lost on the road of life or some crap like that. It's not about the words anyways, right?

[Well, not in Naruto's experience at least.]

It's better to show than say.

sob T_T

[ura_no_ura]

[ Ah, yes, that's right. Kakashi needs to be strong for Naruto. He gathers himself up and nods, eye arching into a smile. ]

Mm, you're right.

[ Though he's not exactly sure how he can show Obito anything. ]

[scarysnakelady]

Welp. Looks like all that ended up pretty fucked.

[This is her way of saying that she is sorry that shit is tough right now. Sort of.]

[ura_no_ura]

That's putting it lightly.

[ Though shit sucks for you too, Anko, so yeah, let's commiserate or let's just not talk about it at all. That's probably a good idea.

Kakashi fishes a flask out of his utility pouch and he takes a swig of the stuff through his mask. And then another. Then, he takes a look at Anko and passes it over to her.

It smells like top shelf whiskey. ]

[scarysnakelady]

So business as usual then, I guess. [You are a good man and a good friend as much as she has 'friends' anyway.

She'll take a nice long pull of it herself--she'd drink more, but it's rude to be greedy with a friend's whiskey when they need it themselves too.]

[ura_no_ura]

Mmn.

[ Noncommittal as usual.

Kakashi takes another long pull from the whiskey when Anko hands the flask back, but passes it back to her again. There's plenty of whiskey to share, and things are pretty shitty for them both right now. ]