shut up bruce. i do what i want

[whatidodefines]

Well, look who remembered I exist? I was beginning to wonder.

And while your attention is flattering, I don't think I need it nearly as much as you think. Really, Gotham is where I belong and where I'm needed.

What would Alfred do without me?

Comments

[attheheart]

He might take a vacation.

[ She went there. ]

I KNEW IT.

[whatidodefines]

[Scoffing rn tbh]

He can't take a vacation, he's Alfred.

[And yes, he's been hearing all about everything and he hates his life]

oh come on he mentioned alfred

[attheheart]

Are you saying that because he's never told you about his vacation plans, or because you know he'd worry about you the whole time?

ಠ_ಠ w/ew/e

[whatidodefines]

He won't because he can't. I've never seen Alfred take a vacation.

[Bruce. U R SO WRONG.]

Besides, who else would make my bed?

[attheheart]

That doesn't mean he hasn't.

[ Let me tell you about coffee breaks. ]

Assuming you have him do that for you in the first place.

[whatidodefines]

He hasn't. Trust me, I would know. [no one else could put up with his whiny cranky ass. or get him up in the morning. or stitch him up. or allow him to function.]

I wouldn't know how to even put the sheets on. Really, it's his job.

[He's not kidding, pep. He was homeless for 7 years, living in a prison for part of that and was a major brat before that. He really doesn't know how to make his bed.]

[attheheart]

Oh you would?

[ HOW MANY TIMES HAS TONY SAID THAT?


She doesn't believe him, because that's kind of sad. Not quite pathetic, but sad. ]

It's not hard to figure out you know; the elastic goes over the corners and the flat sheet goes on top.

[battroll]

It'd be simple if it were that easy.

[whatidodefines]

[...This has happened before.


Way too often for his liking. --OH WELL.]

Honestly, I'd almost rather deal with the charity balls than my mun.

Almost.

[Ouch, Bruce. I'm hurt :,C]

[battroll]

[Bruce smiles, easy and charming.]

Honestly, I'd take the charity balls. For one, they'd probably mean I was back where I belonged.

[whatidodefines]

[hmmm... valid point self.]

I'd rather ... enjoy other parts of Gotham's nightlife. [Aka beating the snot out of people] But if the party had a quick escape route I'd be more inclined to agree to it.

[Even if alfred gave him an earful B|]

[battroll]

Well, that goes without saying.

But even they'd give me - us? - a chance to be doing something. That would be a welcome change.

[whatidodefines]

[A hard and forced laugh, really he wants to be doing something for his city, but even when he's there it doesn't seem like anything is changing.]

At the very least she hasn't planned on putting me in a game. I've heard through... my sources that you aren't anywhere near a dance. [This is a telegraphic look of sympathy and an implied pat on the shoulder, batbro.] I don't think I could manage being in your shoes right now.... even if I already am. [...RPland is weird.]

[battroll]

That's... one way to put it. Technically there are some parties, but... the attendees don't tend to be the sort I'd normally socialize with.

[His whole situation is basically a prolonged study in him losing his mind. There's so much and he can do so little.]

[allucinator]

Yeah, cuz they always pay attention when you say you ain't interested in playin'.

[Hullo, facetwin.]

[whatidodefines]

[Well. today has been a day]

In general she leaves me alone. I don't bother her, she doesn't bother me. Other times she just gets bored. [Shrug] Fortunately, she doesn't have any plans for me so this won't go beyond this post.

[allucinator]

Oh, well, lucky you. So ain't nothin' to complain about, right?

[whatidodefines]

Not entirely. [There may or may not be a pointed glare to a certain other billionaire playboy genius philanthropist.] I'm entirely aware that I have it better than most muses.

[allucinator]

Damn straight. Least you don't get mistaken for a prissy rich boy.

[A beat. Dryly:]

Then again, if I always knew about the Batman bit o' it, I might not mind that so much.

[whatidodefines]

[He ain't even bothered. Seriously, people make such a huge deal about knowing that, yeesh.]

Well, we all can't be Batman.

Besides, it could be worse. You could have the same face as Jesus or a serial killer.

[...wait. Wait.]

[oldbat]

Maybe instead of worrying about Alfred or flattery, you should worry more about getting the job done and getting back to where you belong.

[whatidodefines]

[aaaaaaaaand old him. Good. This wasn't already aggravating.]

That's exactly what I'm worried about.


[8| He just doesn't make it a point to go around shouting I'M BATMAN. I'M BATMAN.]

[oldbat]

Then stop whining about it and get the job done. All the worrying in the world is useless if you just sit there complaining.

[emergencymedic]

Does your mun often forget you exist?

[silvestris]

Gotham will go on rotting no matter where you are, Bruce. But Alfred wouldn't know what to do with himself. Probably just sit in the kitchen making gazpacho...