shut up bruce. i do what i want

[whatidodefines]

Well, look who remembered I exist? I was beginning to wonder.

And while your attention is flattering, I don't think I need it nearly as much as you think. Really, Gotham is where I belong and where I'm needed.

What would Alfred do without me?

Comments

[attheheart]

He might take a vacation.

[ She went there. ]

I KNEW IT.

[whatidodefines]

[Scoffing rn tbh]

He can't take a vacation, he's Alfred.

[And yes, he's been hearing all about everything and he hates his life]

oh come on he mentioned alfred

[attheheart]

Are you saying that because he's never told you about his vacation plans, or because you know he'd worry about you the whole time?

ಠ_ಠ w/ew/e

[whatidodefines]

He won't because he can't. I've never seen Alfred take a vacation.

[Bruce. U R SO WRONG.]

Besides, who else would make my bed?

[attheheart]

That doesn't mean he hasn't.

[ Let me tell you about coffee breaks. ]

Assuming you have him do that for you in the first place.

[battroll]

It'd be simple if it were that easy.

[whatidodefines]

He hasn't. Trust me, I would know. [no one else could put up with his whiny cranky ass. or get him up in the morning. or stitch him up. or allow him to function.]

I wouldn't know how to even put the sheets on. Really, it's his job.

[He's not kidding, pep. He was homeless for 7 years, living in a prison for part of that and was a major brat before that. He really doesn't know how to make his bed.]

[whatidodefines]

[...This has happened before.


Way too often for his liking. --OH WELL.]

Honestly, I'd almost rather deal with the charity balls than my mun.

Almost.

[Ouch, Bruce. I'm hurt :,C]

[battroll]

[Bruce smiles, easy and charming.]

Honestly, I'd take the charity balls. For one, they'd probably mean I was back where I belonged.

[whatidodefines]

[hmmm... valid point self.]

I'd rather ... enjoy other parts of Gotham's nightlife. [Aka beating the snot out of people] But if the party had a quick escape route I'd be more inclined to agree to it.

[Even if alfred gave him an earful B|]

[battroll]

Well, that goes without saying.

But even they'd give me - us? - a chance to be doing something. That would be a welcome change.

[whatidodefines]

[A hard and forced laugh, really he wants to be doing something for his city, but even when he's there it doesn't seem like anything is changing.]

At the very least she hasn't planned on putting me in a game. I've heard through... my sources that you aren't anywhere near a dance. [This is a telegraphic look of sympathy and an implied pat on the shoulder, batbro.] I don't think I could manage being in your shoes right now.... even if I already am. [...RPland is weird.]

[attheheart]

Oh you would?

[ HOW MANY TIMES HAS TONY SAID THAT?


She doesn't believe him, because that's kind of sad. Not quite pathetic, but sad. ]

It's not hard to figure out you know; the elastic goes over the corners and the flat sheet goes on top.

[battroll]

That's... one way to put it. Technically there are some parties, but... the attendees don't tend to be the sort I'd normally socialize with.

[His whole situation is basically a prolonged study in him losing his mind. There's so much and he can do so little.]

[whatidodefines]

...Elastic? Flat?

[Okay. I'm pretty sure he's fucking with you.




PRETTY SURE.]

[attheheart]

[ SHE'S PRETTY SURE HE IS TOO, LOOK AT THAT FACE. ]

[whatidodefines]

[:|yup. Definitely glad he isn't going to a game. fuuuck that shit.]

At least you have some help. Even if it isn't Alfred. [....] Not that I think Alfred being there would help matters much.

[He'd be the most overbearing bodyguard ever.]

[whatidodefines]

I told you this is why I have Alfred around.

[See? Flawless logic]

[battroll]

Don't even mention Alfred being here. Alfred's capable of taking care of himself, but he's one of the last people I'd want to have to, somewhere like this.

[whatidodefines]

We'll just have to hope he remembers to dust the cave before we get back.

[Stop it bruce. Alfred will murder you.]

At the very least, I've heard that none of Gotham's less savory citizens are there. One less thing to worry about.

[battroll]

[Bruce actually raises an eyebrow at him...self...? at Bruce because really Bruce.]

Well, there's Harley. Luckily her boyfriend hasn't shown up to join the party.

[whatidodefines]

[.....]

Harley?

[He hasn't met one yet.....]

And who would her boyfriend be?

[oh bruce....]

[battroll]

[WELL this must be an early him. Or one from an odd universe. But Bruce explains with no further fuss because Bruce.]

Doctor Harleen Quinzel. She was the Joker's psychiatrist before he twisted her. She's his accomplice now - she's tried to break free a few times, but every time something ends up stopping her.

[attheheart]

So I'm sure that Alfred makes all the cool armor executive decisions and stuff too.

You're just the pretty face, right?

[ GOING THERE. ]

[whatidodefines]

No, running the company more Lucius' job.

But you are right on the pretty face front. Someone has to keep all of the ballerinas in Gotham happy.

[AND HE'LL GO FURTHER. NO FUCKS GIVEN]