HAHAHAHA NERVOUS

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Before I even start babbling, what exactly am I supposed to do here? Or there? Any... number of 'where's will do. In fact--

Right. No babbling. Getting right to the pointiness of it all. [BIG BREATH IN] Me Slayer. Me need... Too many flashbacks, I as in Buffy, need... slayage. That's my motor fuel; without it...

Without it I should be here, slaying my own demons. Keeping Sunnydale safe from. You know, something about a Hellmouth.

Tell me again how there's no decent TV, that'll convince me to go real quick.

Comments

LMAO I AGREE WITH UR KEYWORDS

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Exactly! I'm glad you agree. I'm all grown up now, I have to be more responsible about that sort of stuff. Uh.

Sorry, I'm making this all about me. What do you do?

it's the ONLY ONE I NEED

[unsanguine]

[ Hal's face does something resembling a thousand lemons. ]

I work in a-- [ DAMN it ] a burger barn. [ Such disgust in his voice. ] If you truly wish to strip a man of all human dignity, saddle him with an apron that resembles nothing so much as a carnival tent and give him a fryer to clean.

LMAO I CAN SEE THIS

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At least yours makes money. [she points out, clearly sympathetic.]

i'll keyword later with song lyrics like a pretentious asshole, just ...lazy

[unsanguine]

I suppose there is something satisfying to be said for bringing home a day's wage.

[ That and not having eaten anyone during the course of the day no matter how infuriating they are. ]

Supposing your new surrounding did happen to contain the odd--er, icky or two. [ He clearly has absolutely no idea how to use that word as a noun. ] No exceptions?

i approve of these choices

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It's, what do you call it... tangible. Tangible living papery proof of adulthood.

Uhm. Well, it's kind of my destiny to slay them. Something about a prophecy. I won't bore you with the deets. [She's leaving out the couple vampires she lets live because, well. That's just not relevant to this convo!!!]

[unsanguine]

[ A polysyllable! Hal loves those. How refreshing, he was beginning to think he had entirely lost the capacity for language. Either that or Buffy is some kind of alien who speaks a dialect ...kind of similar yet bafflingly unfamiliar. ]

Yes, a tangibility that very nearly makes up for the constant reek of grease. [ Of all the many century old abominations of God to exist, Hal is the very fussiest. ]

But do go on, I'm sure I love a good deet as much as the next fellow.

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It's pretty simple, really. Vampires wake up, I -- poof -- them, and then I watch old movies until bedtime. Or you know, the occasional study or smooching the boyfriend break.

[unsanguine]

Ah. Yes. Stress relief, essential to a full and healthy life.

[ Hal's stress relief is housework and 50s music. ]

And the vampires where you come from are all irredeemable monsters? Driven by bloodlust and perversity, utterly without moral compass, etcetera.

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Slaying is my stress relief. It's better than yoga. Which I've never tried... I wonder if this place has yoga.

[Then she blinks, delaying the inevitable. This conversation is about to take a turn for the serious and Buffy is decidedly not a fan.]

It's--um. Not all of them. But like, 99.999%?

[unsanguine]

[ Hal used to feel that way about laying waste to the countryside. He wisely elects not to mention this. ]

If a vampire happened to fit into that sliver of a percentage you'd leave him alone?

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Theoretically... Or if he was of more use live than dead. [She narrows her eyes.] You seem especially interested in this line of conversationing.

Why?

[unsanguine]

Oh. Live and let ...unlive, and all of that. The right to--erm. Continue not to breathe. Egalitarianism?

[ No one has ever, ever sounded more casual. ]

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Eagles-in-what? [She makes a face, then shakes her head.] There are only two vampires I let--unlive. One because he has a soul. And he's--well, nevermind that. And two, because he's too pathetic to even be worth the dustbustering. But they are part of a very small, exclusive, did I mention tiny? club of vampires that I'm not willing to slay.

And they're not guaranteed or anything. That's just a 'for-now' sitch.

[unsanguine]

[ There are a number of angles from which Hal could approach this: that he supposes every vampire he knows thought until recently he fit in the latter category--too pathetic to bother, having sunk to the level of cohabitating with a lyco. Then again, they'd been keen enough on the idea of having Lord Harry back until he'd staked a handful of them. He's stopped by one thing, though, looking back warily. ]

Vampires don't have souls.

[ There are no exceptions, not where he's from. A soul isn't required for regret. ]

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No, they don't. But this one does.

[unsanguine]

I don't understand. What purpose can it possibly serve? How was he able to keep it?

[Line-face.]

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It gives him a conscience, like you, or me. [A beat] And he... was cursed with it.

[unsanguine]

[ Hal misreads this as less literally than Buffy actually means it, because why not continue to have 'hilarious' misunderstanding everywhere. ]

It does feel a bit like a curse. Especially when one has so much cause for regret.

[ Either he is making a fairly easy leap in regards to the vampire Buffy is addressing, orrrrr he's talking about someone a little closer. Spoiler: it's totally him I know you're surprised. ]

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...You sound like you speak from the experience-place.