canon is new girl

[littlepenis]

The difference is I'm happy being ignored at my current station.

Keep vying for attention all you want, it doesn't matter, you're the one who's really wasting her time here.

I'm a thirty something year old, college dropout tending bar, I live with three people in a shared loft, I recently discovered dryer sheets. None of those things are desirable.

I reserve beer gargling for special peopple-- Wait. That came out wrong.

Comments

[foralltohear]

I don't see how beer gargling could ever come out right, so there's that.

[littlepenis]

( does a double take, mouth agape, and finally snaps out of it, shaking his head )

Until very recently I thought I was the only one who thought it could.

I'm sorry you don't know me? Right? Just so we're clear? ( would if he could say he wouldn't put something this cooky past Jess.)

[foralltohear]

No.

...Though my mun is doing that evil giggle thing of hers so I figured something must be up.

[littlepenis]

At least it's nice to know I'm not the only one being made a tool of.

( awkward, no thanks to him. )

Since I went straight to making an ass out of myself I figured we could just skip past the introductions. ( he states dryly, mocking himself with a hand wave. )

[foralltohear]

[She smirks just a bit at that and waves back.]

Fine with me. Though getting a name might make the conversation go a little less awkward.

[littlepenis]

( chuckles. ) Wait? This is awkward? I thought we had a good thing going.

( open mouth, insert foot miller. )

Nick Miller, my name is. ( how very Yoda. )

[foralltohear]

If it counts for anything I've had conversations more awkward than this one. [Tends to happen when you have a Christmas elf for a boyfriend.]

Good meeting you, it is. [She laughs, though not mockingly.] Jovie, I am.

[littlepenis]

( a wise girl, eh? he's not complaining, on the contrary, there's more chuckling. )

Jovie, huh? A "J" name. Should have guessed. ( after meeting your future self what's one alternate reality Jessica Day? cake, that's what, because that's exactly what this is. )

Next I suppose you'll tell me how much you enjoy singing. ( please no. )

[foralltohear]

In private, usually. Though I'm learning to branch out.

[She shrugs a bit, looking almost embarrassed for a moment, but it's brief.]

So I'm guessing you know someone with a "J" name that likes to sing? [Also possible looks like her?]

[littlepenis]

Yes, on both counts. And you two do share an uncanny resemblance. ( shutting his eyes tightly he slaps his face a couple of times gently )

I don't think you understand, I'm questioning whether or not I forgot that I drank at all here. This is too unreal, and trust me, I know unreal. ( and babbling too? yeesh. )

[foralltohear]

I bet I could probably beat your unreal, but I get it. There's some pretty strange stuff going around this place.

If it helps, I'm pretty sure you aren't drunk.

[littlepenis]

( thank god for those small miracles. don't mind nick causally coughing and checking his breath though. )

I once stripped down to my boxers and did a dance for a couple of guys dealing in black market horse semen.

( it really was't necessary to go that far to top her 'unreal' which he hadn't even heard about yet. )

[foralltohear]

[Se looks genuinely shocked.]

Okay, well maybe not that kind of unreal.

[littlepenis]

I told myself that wasn't a good story for someone I just met and you heard it anyway, because I thought you were going to tell me one, and I'd tell you another and it would turn into this whole thing.

[foralltohear]

[Okay, so she laughs a bit at that.]

Fair enough. Here's mine, then. I'm dating a guy who was raised by Christmas elves on the North Pole. Also, Santa is real. In case you were wondering.

[littlepenis]

...

( what does one even say to this? )

Is... Santa black?

( best to get the important questions out of the way first. )

[foralltohear]

[Oh yes. Very important.]

No.

Um...that's really the first question that comes to mind?

[douchebagjar]

Muns are good at seeing the attractive side of even the most lost of causes. Seriously. You should see some of the people I share this headspace with.

It's disgusting, Nick, and I think some of them need to learn how to use the shower properly.

[littlepenis]

Schmidt, I think you're the only one who thinks there's a "proper" way to use a shower. It's get in, scrub, rinse, and dry off, not rocket science.

I know you. You're exaggerating, aren't you?. ( if he had any he'd bet money on it. )

[douchebagjar]

I certainly am not! [ He is OFFENDED, Nick! ] I don't think they've even mastered your laggard and sloppy excuse for cleanliness. There's one in here who could grow a potato field behinds his ears. A potato field!

[ ... Maybe he's exaggerating a little. ]

[littlepenis]

You sound like the mother I never wanted. ( but darn if it wasn't one of those things that you had to grow to love tolerate. )

Unless you tell me your sharing a headspace with Pig Pen or Oscar the Grouch I'm not buying it.

[douchebagjar]

Does the Artful Dodger count on that list? I know that indoor plumbing wasn't exactly what one would call up to par in the 19th century and while a great literary character he may be, he reeks.

[littlepenis]

Did we take 19th century lit in school? ( he has no memory? What was being an undergraduate again? ) I gave you Pig Pen and Oscar the Grouch, Schmidt.

[douchebagjar]

[ Why does he bother again. A dramatic huff! ] Haven't you at least seen the half a dozen remakes of the movie? Dickens is rolling over in his grave that you're putting a moth eaten muppet above his crafted genius, Nick. I hope you're happy.

[littlepenis]

That's guy whose responsible for that one movie with Bill Murray and Scrooge McDuck. See you think I don't know these things, but I do. ( the bare, bare minimum. )