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K...idnapped?
[THAT'S A SCARY WORD. WHY WOULD THESE WORLDS KIDNAP HIM? Well, aside from the obvious reasons of his father's riches and his astonishing good looks, both of which would fetch a high ransom indeed. BUT STILL.]
Surely you won't allow me to be kidnapped, princess. For I am already bound by the chains of love to you, and no world or game could tear us asunder.
[Flirting with your own player will work, right? It better do, because there's no way he's leaving Haruhi with those devilish twins without his supervision!]
[THAT'S A SCARY WORD. WHY WOULD THESE WORLDS KIDNAP HIM? Well, aside from the obvious reasons of his father's riches and his astonishing good looks, both of which would fetch a high ransom indeed. BUT STILL.]
Surely you won't allow me to be kidnapped, princess. For I am already bound by the chains of love to you, and no world or game could tear us asunder.
[Flirting with your own player will work, right? It better do, because there's no way he's leaving Haruhi with those devilish twins without his supervision!]
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[He turns, eyes shimmering in distress. DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HARUHI IF HE HAS TO LEAVE?]
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Look, there's no use sweet talking a mun. They're something beyond 'girl!'
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Of course you can't sweet talk them. But no girl, player or not, can resist the smooth charm of my voice.
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How can you ever expect to make the princesses smile if you doubt your mentor?
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It's not that I'm doubting your abilities! It's just that muns are evil! Pure evil!
It's like you combined Kyouya-sempai without sleep, Honey-sempai without sweets, and every single despicable the twins have ever done! Mix it in with Nekozawa-sempai's creepiness and Renge-sempai's energy... and you still won't come close to the evil, scariness of a mun!
[He is speaking from TRAUMA.]
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Oh well. [ Que sera sera! ]
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Tamaki's eyes open wide, and for just a moment it seems like his pupils dance with the image of the most terrifying beast to ever exist. Some kind of tooth-achey, AB Negative, self duplicating MONSTER.
He's frozen, sort of whimpering to himself like a hurt dog.]
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Haruhi, it's not too late, Daddy would never leave you to fend for yourself!
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[No, it's Hikaru, failure.]
Where is the faith in your astonishing King? If anyone can achieve this miracle, it's someone as perfect as me.
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I, uh... only thought it was fair to warn you. I don't want you to get hut any more than you might.
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[His voice is tiny, like his soul is somehow draining out of him with every passing second. He's trembling from head to foot, before suddenly... that finger is back in Kasanoda's face and he's yelling in such an impassioned voice that surely the angels themselves would be moved.]
HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT A GIRL? EVERY GIRL IS A PRINCESS, DIDN'T YOU LEARN ANYTHING?
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Muns seem to be immune to every bit of charm you throw at them. They're pretty much evil, through and through.
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[ At... least... she says it without malice?? ]
A game is more interesting anyway.
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[WHAT THE F-
DID YOU LISTEN TO A GODDAMN WORD-]
No! Not every girl is a princess! There are some who are evil! Like muns! And Renge, probably! Most girls are princesses, yeah, but if you don't realize some girls are bad, you'll only get hurt worse!
1/3
If even one of the devilish twins thought that, then maybe it might be true. Just for a second he wavers, almost backing down and agreeing... after all, he didn't want to incur the wrath of something that could make even Kaoru (HIKARU, IDIOT) name it as evil.
But then...
BUT THEN...]
2/3
TAMAKI BRAIN THEATRE!
His player, just a poor innocent princess who only tortured hosts because she was afraid of not being loved, who only needed a kind word and a smile to become benevolent - was being SET UP by the evil Hitachiin brothers. For when Tamaki was safely out of the way, kidnapped to another world, there would be no obstacles between them and Haruhi.
She, delicate and dressed in a cute maid outfit for some reason, is kneeling on the floor and crying perfect crystalline tears. Looking over her shoulder she sees the twins and tremulously asks them if there has been any word of Tamaki. Her heart is breaking without him, for she love-loves him so. They shake their heads and kneel either side of her, smiling identical devil grins.
"We'll comfort you, Ha~ru~hi!"]
3/3 idek
I WON'T LET YOU PERVERT MY LITTLE GIRL LIKE THAT!
[That makes perfect sense for what they were talking about, right?]
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[SHAME ON YOU. FOR SHAME.]
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What about Cinderella? Would you say the wicked stepsisters were princesses?
[... kasanoda why do you know about cinderella-]
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[This is the worst moment of his life. Ever.]
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He sure did star in his brain theatre a lot. He should really start getting awards for his superb villainous work. ]
You keep trying to foil your mun's plans with charm, and don't come crying to me when you're being tortured in some alien space ship. I'll stay behind and make sure Haruhi listens better.
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Because I know you, senpai. No matter what happens to you, you manage to make everything work out in the end. Even if it's in a really foolish or strange way. So I'm not worried.
[ Also you're not my dad. One of those is enough. ]
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[Shut up. He can be idealistic if he wants to be.]
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I KNEW IT!
[PROOF! He as good as admitted it was his evil plan to stay behind and steal Haruhi for himself. This cannot be allowed to happen! Unfortunately, he's so angry that he's speechless, just sort of glaring in impotent raaaage.]
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[Oh no, that was too cute. All of a sudden out of the blue like that, and he feels his heart suddenly thudding in his chest as loud as a drum, red infusing his cheeks.]
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[warning, warning, you are losing your manliness, Bossanova.]
... Uh... Not that... I really know about it. Just. Stuff I've heard. From the streets.
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If she hadn't what?
[Inquiring minds want to know.]
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[ They'd surely want to find the source of the random sparkling. ]
Try not to get probed.
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I-if the Fairy Godmother hadn't helped Cinderella, and given her a new dress, and a carriage, and all the good stuff, then she never would have met the prince and lived happily ever after! How could anyone forgive those girls for tearing about Cinderella's beautiful dress? The mice worked so hard on it, and it was from her mother! Those lousy sisters!
... So I've been told.
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Think of how she'll take the affections you're guiding at such an awful, despicable creature. Practically agreeing to be taken away from her. She'll need her friends there, a shoulder to cry on...
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Yes! Perfect!
[Just go with the flow, Kasanoda.]
Such an intimate knowledge of fairy tales provides an insight into the sensitive soul trapped behind the monster's face!
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I-I-I don't know anything about fairy tales! That was just a lucky coincidence! E-everyone knows about that kind of thing!
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[Hers delights in her annoyance :|]
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Fear not, Haruhi. Daddy's skin is too perfect, too soft, for anyone to ruin with probes and scalpels.
[Don't make this worse, he'll cry.]
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Haruhi would never think Daddy would leave her on purpose. Would she?
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[Say yes, say yes and make him SO HAPPY.]
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[Yes, he actually lays a finger over Kasanoda's lips.]
We are finally making progress, Casanova, rejoice!
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... Yay.
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Whatever you say, sempai.
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[And she's quiet for a second, letting him stew over that like she knows he will before adding-]
Yes, I care if you get kidnapped. Why wouldn't I?
[She feels a little bad for anyone he terrorizes. Just a little. As long as he's okay, right?]
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