It'd be the morning after for the Prince if it wasn't the afternoon right now.

[prurientprince]

Well, last night was unexpected. But the best things often are, aren't they, Mundane sweetie?

You're a peach for seeing things through to the end but don't neglect your beauty sleep next time. And you can think of that as a royal decree. There's always the morning. Or the afternoon. You know me, anytime's a good time.

Now go have a coffee or something. They say the brain is the sexiest part of the body and yours needs waking up.

Love and kisses,
The Slutcracker Prince

Comments

just for lols

[sonof_thrain]

[What the hell?]

the sexy lols

[prurientprince]

Hello.

Here to talk? Or do you wanna fuck? I'm better at one than the other.

Re: just Thorin awkwardness XD

[sonof_thrain]

I beg your pardon?

[prurientprince]

Chat or sex? Verbal intercourse or physical intercourse? I'm easy in every sense of the word.

[sonof_thrain]

[...]

[prurientprince]

[The Slutcracker Prince clicks his tongue and cracks his knuckles while waiting for a response.

The problem with being a vibrator is that the other person has to do something with you.]

[sonof_thrain]

Are you some kind of male prostitute?

[prurientprince]

No. Prostitutes get paid. I'm an anthropomorphic personification.

[sonof_thrain]

Would you mind explaining what that is?

[prurientprince]

I'm an inhuman creature, idea, or, in this case, inanimate object given human shape. Kind of like how Death is often depicted as a skeleton in a black cloak with a scythe.

[sonof_thrain]

What is your aim in life then? [Dare he ask?]

[prurientprince]

To physically please others. That is the purpose of my creation.

[sonof_thrain]

Do you pleasure women?

[prurientprince]

Yes. If someone seeks me out for pleasure, I will do my best to please them.

[sonof_thrain]

You seek to pleasure a dwarven king? [Because that's who is in front of you, dude.]

[prurientprince]

[He nods thoughtfully.]

Yeah, I can do that. One royal to another.

[sonof_thrain]

What would you do to me?

[prurientprince]

Whatever you like. Technically, whatever you do with me would count as self-pleasuring.

[sonof_thrain]

It would?

[prurientprince]

[The Prince nods.]

I am a toy. Just one that happens to take the form of a man sometimes.

If you prefer a woman's appearance, I can do something about that. Male is just my default form.

[sonof_thrain]

No, I-

[Awkward.]

-I prefer the company of males. [One small hobbit in particular.]

[prurientprince]

Well, sounds good to me.

[He clasps his hands together.]

You got a place?

[sonof_thrain]

[In fact, he has a kingdom. But oh. It got destroyed by a bloody great dragon.]

I have a camp just north of here.

[prurientprince]

[The Prince would help with that but there's not a lot his army of Energizer batteries can do in that situation.]

Then to your camp, your quarters, and your pleasure.

[sonof_thrain]

[ooc: want to move it somewhere?]