Thassarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
winterinlordaeron) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dear_mun2013-03-27 07:49 pm
winterinlordaeron) wrote in dear_mun2013-03-27 07:49 pm
Entry tags:
working on app things.
Mundane, there's no need to worry so much...I'm sure things will be fine. Just try to focus on the task at hand- a bit of discipline will serve you well.
...no putting off your studies, either. I know well enough that you can study all you want and still run yourself into a corner like you did tonight. You're going to need to learn to think on your feet, but I know it's not easy. Trust in your friends a bit more, there's no need to be so scared.
I have faith in you.
...no putting off your studies, either. I know well enough that you can study all you want and still run yourself into a corner like you did tonight. You're going to need to learn to think on your feet, but I know it's not easy. Trust in your friends a bit more, there's no need to be so scared.
I have faith in you.
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You've done alright so far.
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[But the tone doesn't sound exactly like it's a compliment.]
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Oh, I've no doubt of it. But it would behoove of you to keep them to yourself.
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Until you give me an excuse to share one with you, I will.
[Is that still a no for the Faire?]
It's good to see you're still around.
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Mm, well, it's not as if I've been given much of a choice. But I suppose it could be worse.
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We both know well enough what "worse" could be.
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an easy shrug. ]
Though in the end it is only trading one tyrant for another. Our writers are kind, for now, but who knows how long that may last. I know what she is capable of.
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Sadly, in some ways, I must agree with you. Still, you have me, for what it's worth.
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Ah! What a comfort.
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Well, it's the best I can offer right now. I don't think you'd appreciate it if I tried to offer you something I couldn't.
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Mm, well I suppose I could be in more dire straits. You're handy with swords, at least.
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Glowing praise from you, Koltira. I'll take it.
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I can't be too hard on you, you know; you might start thinking I'm a bad person.
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You'll have to do more than that for me to think you are.
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Enough of that.
[ no feels. get out. ]
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I just know there's more to you than meets the eye.
[But FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS, Koltira. Let's go sing about our feelings.]
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Is that a compliment?
[ absolutely not you get right out of here. ]
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Perhaps, but I know you couldn't take one if you tried.
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I'm not altogether fond of them.
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Then take my words as you will.
[He knows there's a heart under the prickly exterior, you jackass.]
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...
So. Moving out soon, hm? I'm sure you're itching for it.
[ way way way beneath all these spines maybe. ]
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[His eyes dim slightly at the thought of it.]
I'd rather not leave you behind.
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You're too sentimental for your own good. But I don't think you're going to need to worry about it, at any rate.
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[Sentimental, maybe, but he's not keen on leaving you alone.]
Why's that?
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[ koltira sighs. ]
Because you won't be leaving anyone behind. I'm caught up in this, same as you.
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It's good to hear, brother.
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.. there's still plenty of time for me to persuade my writer otherwise.
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It's your choice, ultimately, but I'd appreciate having you around.
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It isn't my choice, but how nice of you to think so.
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I guess I hold onto the hope that we're free.
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koltira is quiet for a moment, and still. ]
A fair thought.
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We have very little but hope. I know, sometimes, that it's foolish, but...I suppose there's no harm in it if it keeps moving me forward.
[He had such emotions all but ground out of him as part of the Scourge war machine, and having seen the workings of the Light, how it had freed him...
It wasn't the same blind faith he had when he was alive. Rather, it was quiet, something to hold onto, as he defiantly tried to recover the shreds of his humanity that he could.
The Light had freed him- had awakened him from his erstwhile prince's grasp. His faith wasn't blind- he had felt it. And, sometimes, it was the only thing he had. It kept him moving forward, knowing that one day, he'd be something more than his own past.
Foolish, perhaps, but he somehow knew it was important. It was something he had been denied, and now that he could recover it...he wasn't going to let it slip away again.]
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.. Mm.
[ koltira isn't entirely unused to such.. softness, from thassarian, though he knows that deep within himself he is not so very different. the cold, dead heart beneath his breast too is weighted with guilt, but koltira is not so inclined to wear his hurts and gladnesses on his sleeve, as thassarian so easily does.
light, faith, freedom.. such warm, distant ideals these are, and koltira does not allow himself the time to ponder them. when the mood takes him occasionally, he falls to brooding silence, works through the pain, and moves on. so is life, or unlife, for a death knight. ]
No, no harm at all. We all do what we must.
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[Whatever it takes.
Whatever he could do to keep from seeing his mother's face, begging him for mercy. To escape the screams of women and children as he rode them down, Dusk's hooves faster than their own feet. He could still remember the taste of flesh in his mouth, eating the only thing that was plentiful in a war. Could still recall the way that entrails would spill out of a jagged wound, how blood-covered ribs would arch into the sunset in New Avalon.
Whatever it took to reconcile how he remembered the feel of sun on his skin, hot as he worked the pens outside of the barn, with the cold deadness of his body now.
Whatever it took.
To suffer was to endure. And endure they would.]
Aye.
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he knows thassarian well enough, has known him long enough, to recognize the emotions that pass so clearly over his comrade's open face. koltira's eyes are keen, but even if they weren't, thassarian's thoughts and feelings would be evident enough on his face. one would have to be blind to miss them.
koltira's expression smooths to something unreadable, and he exhales in a low, slow sigh, and moves to stand beside him. ]
.. Right. Now, enough of that. I can't have you wallowing in self pity all night; if you're going to be useless to me, I may as well move on.
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Perhaps he was strange.
He admired Koltira's stoicism, in a way, the ease with which he excised his own emotions from something, clean as removing a limb with a sword.
He nodded, still as Koltira stood beside him, not even bothering with the effort of breathing until he needed to speak. He smirked, watching Koltira closely.]
Are you meaning to say I'm not always useless?
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it's odd, but it is what keeps them together. koltira is thoughtful enough to notice this. the torment is less, when thassarian is around.
usually. ]
Ah, well, you're always a good source of entertainment, at least.
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It was another life, after all. "You can never go home again" was said, and he had never understood how right they were until he boarded that ship bound for the frozen north.
He shakes his head, chuckling dryly just once.]
You're fairly entertaining, yourself.
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well. he tries not to dwell on them. numbing himself is far easier, and the past is a thing that can never be changed. to move forward, he must try to push these painful things to the back of his mind, lest they devour him whole.
shrugging his shoulders easily, koltira lifts his brows. ]
Oh? I'm surprised you haven't gotten bored of me and moved on. Clearly I'm not trying hard enough.
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[For as much of a pain in the ass Koltira is, he wouldn't trade him. What would have rather have than someone he could consider a friend, close enough to be almost kin to him? In some ways, he needed him, to know that if Koltira could stay around him, and not hate him for killing him, then maybe he wasn't a lost cause after all.
Under the Scourge banner, there were no friends. Such feelings had been considered weakness. But in a strange way, he now understood them to be a strength.]
You're an ass sometimes, I'll tell you that much.
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And you're too sensitive, sometimes. Are all humans this way?
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Not all of them.
[He is reminded, keenly, of the cultists that would seem to gravitate to them. How the living had sent men younger than him off to die for almost nothing.
He remembers his sister, come to find him from Stormwind, brought before one of the Lich King's lackeys.
It was mortal hands that did these things, human hands.]
Are all elves as aloof?
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all elves.. it was another lifetime ago that he truly knew elves. koltira thinks of the slain king, and the prince driven mad by the destruction of his homeland. he thinks of the windrunner sisters, how different they all were, how further different they have become. he thinks of innkeepers and mages, of elven priests and merry wanderers and surly tavern goers.
and he thinks, of course, of faltora. his sweeter, gentler brother who, in life, had always been kinder than koltira had been. it's .. good that he is dead, in some ways. it is a mercy, and better, he thinks, than having to live to see these days - quel'thalas ravaged, their prince destroyed, and koltira... this.
koltira shifts, his arms crossing loosely over his chest. ]
.. Many of them. [ them. not us. ] Even moreso, now. But not all.