dear_mun | "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel."

It's all right to miss people— and the past. It's all right to cry, and to hurt, and to allow yourself to feel sorrow. You are not betraying me. I know you keep it hidden, buried away, but I think that grave is shallower than you want to believe. I understand you are afraid of change— I know you don't want it to cause you any more pain, but this is not something you can stop.

People change. Friends drift apart. I've experienced it too in my own life. It is never an easy truth to accept, but that does not make it any less true. Perhaps it is a blessing. After all these years together, have we not learned that necessity does not make a friendship stronger? I will not say that losing the people we have has not left holes in my life that in all likelihood can never be repaired, but... even if you had forced yourself to remain in those situations, there is still no guarantee that I would not have these holes now.

You have always done your best by me. You never give up and you continue to try even when all things look bleak around us. I cannot tell you that I... that I enjoy the Tower, but I enjoy the friends we have made there. They are precious to me; I will endure every last horror our hosts subject us to in order to stay with them for as long as possible. I trust that you will work your hardest as well, like you always do, and I pray that you will always have the wisdom to tell when another will not be kind to you, no matter how freely you give your heart in friendship to them.

My counterpart and I will never truly leave you. Regardless of the years and the distance put between us because of other muses populating your head, we will never be silenced forever. You have our word.

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Cecil! Ah...?

[Wait, wait, but is that really....?]

...your mun seems to be going through a challenging time. I can pray that brighter days will soon be ahead. For the both of you. Although, if you speak of 'the Tower' that I think you speak of...

[She frowns.]

[ ...really Cecil? Yes. Sort of. Mostly. ]

Oh— ah... Thank you. She and I are both appreciative of your well-wishes...

[ Admittedly, Cecil's wondering if Rosa is really the white mage she knows, so fair is fair, honestly. ]

The Tower at least does not cause her any stress, though I do still wonder how that is possible at times, considering.

[It's all really a bit odd and it raises interesting questions...]

I had been under the impression that this "Tower" was meant to cause us stress, rather than them. Are you... ah, you're well, then?

[Cecil or not-Cecil, she could be concerned.]

[ Cecil swallows hard with anxiety, but she nods. ]

Well enough, considering the circumstances.

[ She takes a steadying breath and offers a little smile to the other woman. ]

It is a little lonely at times, but I have made friends and I do care a great deal about them. Are you well? Wherever you are?

Good, then. That's good... I'm well enough. I'm nowhere in particular at the moment. It's a little lonely, and I miss...

[...you? But not you, Cecil's a man, not a woman, but...

She lifts her head higher and faces down the big question.]

...are you who I think you are? You seem to be the Cecil I know, except that... the Cecil I know is a man.

[ The paladin sighs again, a little uncomfortable at the question, but soon relents to giving an answer that is as best an explanation as she can provide Rosa. ]

My version of our world differs from yours largely in that sense. For all intents and purposes, I am the Cecil Harvey you know, just as I'd wager you are the Rosa I know. My life doesn't vary from his, except that I have now been taken to the Tower of Animus and...

[ She trails off, because it is difficult to say, but Rosa knows this already, doesn't she? She seemed to be familiar with Animus, so the likely answer is yes. Still, it's hard for Cecil to admit that she failed in protecting her Blue Planet, especially to the white mage. ]

...and my world is destroyed.

I... I suppose that makes sense, then.

[Strange as it seems, if it explains the situation, then it explains the situation. And she shows no surprise at the rest.]

...Kain's was, as well. The Kain I know. The one that my mun also plays. I... I don't want to believe that it happened. To either of you. To anyone. It can't be.

[ The fact that Rosa does not question further her existence is extremely comforting to Cecil. She hadn't been certain she would receive such mercy, did not expect it, and would not have blamed the other woman had she chosen to ask for more explanation. Because she seems content with Cecil's answer, though, she also assuages the paladin's fears that she may not be the same as the white mage from her world.

Her relief is short-lived though once she mentions Kain. ]

Kain? Why— How?

[ Was he in the Tower too? ]

[It worries Cecil, that news, and thus it worries her... but still. She must try to explain.]

Our mun had him there for a short while, before other things came to occupy her time.

[And then she comes closer, voice lowered, delivering what she considers to be bad news.]

...I hear she's considering sending him back.

[ Honestly, the paladin doesn't quite blame her for her tone and Cecil is... conflicted about it as well. While it's true that she misses her friends and that she's been struggling to decide whether or not she should believe they truly are gone (not to mention that her mun would happily welcome Rosa or Kain), she can't help wondering if it's selfish— indeed, cruel of her to want any of them there. Some do believe that to be dead is a kinder fate, after all, and Cecil is slowly beginning to understand why they think so. ]

That's... I-I don't know what to say.

[ Hilariously, two of the new friends she's made remind her a lot of Kain for multiple reasons and it would be nice to introduce them to her— ah, him. ]

I... neither do I.

[~~Animus does have a surplus of lance-and-spear wielding sorts hanging around~~

Rosa lowers her head, eyes closing.]

I can pray for your safety. And if that's futile... I can pray for a happy ending to the terrible story that they seem to wish to tell.

[ ~~Some of whom even have their own love triangle issues too, yes.~~

Cecil hesitates briefly, but she takes the risk and gently slips her arms around the white mage in an embrace. She rests her temple against Rosa's and keeps close, but her arms are loose enough that the white mage can pull away at any time easily. ]

It is never futile to hope. Thank you.

[~~How exciting!~~

Cecil's embrace comes as a surprise, and she does hesitate for a moment. But... pull away? No. There's more familiarity here than unfamiliarity. Her arms slip around the other woman, and she sighs softly.]

I only wish that I could do more.

[ The embrace returned causes Cecil to truly relax and she sighs too, smiling suddenly. ]

You've done enough. I feel... stronger, because of you. Thank you.

[ And, really, in Animus, staying strong is hard. ]

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel."

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