canon is lamb: the gospel according to biff, christ's childhood pal

[idkmybffjesus]

You could have picked any ability, and you're going with the "water into beer"? Yeah, great, thanks. You had a whole lifetime of bonafide Christ-miracles you could have picked from, and I get the parody power.

At least tell me they ended up going with the "Ostentatious and Unpleasant Wall of China". Not talking? Fine, I'll ask around. Someone has to know about it over on this side of the world. It was really big.

Comments

[luckynumbernone]

Not exactly. They went for something simpler.

. . . Not as good, though.

[idkmybffjesus]

What, what'd they go with? Don't tell me they just call it the Wall.

[fitful]

Can we trade powers? I'll trade powers. I'll trade everything I got for water into beer.

[idkmybffjesus]

What's your power? I'm not trading if it's something stupid, like making frogs pink.

[fitful]

Uh... I dunno. I got a lot of powers. I can see into other people's dreams!

[catnipped]

It's more useful than turning into a bird.

[idkmybffjesus]

I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty happy if I could go around loosing my bowels on people. Without anyone thinking I'm besought by demons, I mean.

[catnipped]

[--Okay, that's an amused snort.] Alright, you might have a point.

[wildways]

...Do you have beer now?

[idkmybffjesus]

Well, not yet. Got any water?

[wildways]

...I may just have a flask on hand.

[idkmybffjesus]

So hand it over, Dumbo.

[ he's kinda proud of himself for that reference. watching so much TV has done him good! ]

Hey, speaking of, is that some kind of disease? Should I be standing back?

[wildways]

...What's a Dumbo?

[But hey, you have added 1 [flask of water probably from a river] to your inventory! Yay! Also, he's looking around because huh what?]

Standing back from what?

[idkmybffjesus]

[ awwwww yeah his first item!! he takes it, but doesn't look at it. he'll figure out how to be pseudo-holy in a second. ]

Me, from you. Your ears are all stretched out, and don't even get me started on that unholy eye-glow. Is that contagious?

[wildways]

Your ears are all tiny. Of course I have stretchy ears; I'm an Elf. you have tiny human ears and they probably can't do this.

[Ear bend. Aw yeah.]

But no, they aren't contagious. Now uh ...about that beer...

[idkmybffjesus]

[ whoa, that is actually... a little bit cool. just a little. ]

Hang on, we're not done here. What about the eyes? You're not a demon, are you? [ because his studies have not covered "elf" yet. maybe it's a sub sect of demon, who knows! ]

[wildways]

Huh? No way! Demons are ...evil and smell like sulfur and felfire and probably eat babies. I for one do not eat babyflesh. All Blood Elves have green eyes.

[Tapping the side of his head lightly, pointing to his eyes.]

Just kind of comes with the territory of being a Blood Elf.

[idkmybffjesus]

Uh huh. [ He doesn't look totally convinced. But he is right about the evil and sulfur part of demons, so... ]

Alright, well, you don't eat me, and I'll see what I can do about this water. Sound good?

[wildways]

You don't look very tasty anyway. Unless you're made of steak or something and only pretending to be a human.

[Squint. Are you a steakgolem? No, he's pretty sure you're just a human]

Mm. Deal.

[Because there is beer on the line!]

[idkmybffjesus]

[ alright then, he's finally looking back down at this flask again. ]

Uh... let's see. [ squinting. frowning! ] Lord in Heaven, I know we're not on great terms, but I was thinking maybe you could do me one for Josh. I've got a guy here who says he's not a demon, and he'd like some beer. So if you could arrange that, well, that'd be great. Amen.

[ He hands it back. ]

Go ahead, let's see if it worked.

[wildways]

Hmm. bottoms up then.

[Taking a giant swig and swishing it loudly in his mouth in a thoughtful manner.]

Watery. But kind of beery too. Hmm.

[glowsferatu]

You're right, beer is hardly an acceptable beverage. Wine would be preferable.

Blood even better.

[idkmybffjesus]

If you want wine, you're talking to the wrong Jew. But as for blood... nope, sorry, can't say I know anyone that can do that one.

[glowsferatu]

So you do know one who can do the same with wine, then.

Would it be impolite to ask what a Jew is?

[idkmybffjesus]

Sure I do. He's great at parties.

No, it'd be impolite if you, I don't know, shoved me off the road and into a pile of camel dung for being a Jew. For just asking, I think you're still in the clear.

[glowsferatu]

I certainly have no intention of doing anything like that! So, let's consider it an inquiry made, then. What is, exactly, a Jew? Other than whatever you are beyond a fairly standard-looking human, of course.

[idkmybffjesus]

A Jew is like a Gentile, but better looking, and they eat less pork.

Well, usually. I eat pork, because the Son of God said it was alright.

[glowsferatu]

So in other words it's an entirely meaningless title that you only bear for, what, affectation?

[idkmybffjesus]

I didn't say that. If you want to get precise about it, we're a race.

[glowsferatu]

Oh.

It's funny how the applications of that one word can be so broad. Sometimes applied to a species as a whole, others to subdivisions within that same species. I know which one you mean, it's just...well, I guess the observation is honestly kind of a waste of time.

[idkmybffjesus]

No, I get what you mean. In my case, I'm from a race of people, but in yours, you're probably from a race of freakish looking horned corpse creatures. No offense.

[glowsferatu]

No, the corpse resemblance is likely specific to my caste. ...Which, honestly, isn't a word dissimilar to the subdivisional usage of race, actually.

[idkmybffjesus]

Sure, we've got caste too. Well, some of us. I guess there's just something about us all having the same basic look that makes us want to divide ourselves up a bunch.

So, what about your castes? Do they have anything to do with rebirth?

[glowsferatu]

Not really. [ well unless being undead counts as rebirth. ] Not most of them, at least. They're more specific to our social hierarchy, as castes tend to be.

[idkmybffjesus]

Well don't go to India, you might depress them with talk like that.

[glowsferatu]

I don't know exactly where that is, but I seem to recall being asked if I originate from there once or twice since my arrival in the City.

[idkmybffjesus]

I didn't meet many glowing Indians while I was there, so you were probably just talking to madmen. It happens.

But you know, if they still have any festivals of Kali going on in India, I bet that'd be the place to find someone that can do the water-into-blood thing.

[glowsferatu]

Maybe it would be worth the visit at some point. I don't know. The only other time I've been overseas didn't really go well.