look a BRAND NEW JOURNAL

[heroin_e]

All right, mun - we both know it's a little sad that you've read the books how many times now and still am not sure you've got anything like my voice? We both know I'm not the most interesting part of the books, sure, but... I'm still in them. I narrate them, for pete's sake.

And as for the username... no thank yous. I'd have preferred you not name me after the one thing that makes it hardest for Edward to be with me. The added pun just makes it worse.

Comments

<3

[174awhile]

I don't know, I kind of like it. Has a sort of laissez-faire air about it.

[heroin_e]

I really don't...

I mean....

[Okay losing it darn it Edward. But smiling anyway darn it Edward]

[174awhile]

[Laughs.]

What's the matter, vampire got your tongue? [Other people can make bad jokes too.]

[heroin_e]

Don't I wish.

[A SIGH]

wow that icon of her is perfect

[174awhile]

[Speaking of, see icon.] Oh, come now, it's not that bad, is it?

Emily Browning, folks :D

[heroin_e]

It kind of is.

[... and blushing, immediately. Not quite wishing she didn't say that, but more wondering what she was thinking when she did.]

/claps

[174awhile]

[Funny, he was wondering the same thing. Now stroking one of her beautifully blushing cheeks with a thumb.]

How can I make it better?

[heroin_e]

[Instinctively she's leaning against the cool perfection of his marble hand, and trying very hard to keep from blushing harder. It's not really working.]

Wouldn't that break the rules?

[174awhile]

[And he's not really aiming to make it better. The blushing, at least.]

Which rules are we referring to, exactly? Last I checked, there were quite a few of them.

[heroin_e]

[Blushing harder CONGRATS EDWARD but she's also scowling now.]

I'm pretty sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[174awhile]

[Oops? Thumb slips and brushes across her lips.]

Perhaps... Though I might be able to make an exception, if you promise to behave.

[heroin_e]

[FREEZING SOLID, eyes wide.]

... what?

[174awhile]

[Becomes statue-like, eyes searching her face.]

Am I being too forward? Too brash?

[heroin_e]

[Reaching right over to cup his cheek with a hand, eyes wide and staring into his]

No! No, all I-

Did you mean it?

[174awhile]

[Relaxes into her touch, still searching.]

I did, but now I'm not so sure... You would need to be on your absolute best behavior. There's little room for recovery, if either of us should slip-up. [Which, part of him hopes, might make her reconsider.]

[heroin_e]

[Edward, whether or not you can actually get drunk, you are probably drunk on something if you even think that mentioning the danger is ever going to make her back down after all this time.

She's doing her 100% very best to control her breathing, but her heart is still already beating a little faster.]

I don't care.

I'll behave myself.

[174awhile]

[He can get drunk on her intoxicating scent, does that count? Hope had been the key word. His expectations weren't high.

Gently gripping her upper arms, expression serious.]

I need you to care. It would hurt me if I hurt you. [He knows this angle will work.]

[heroin_e]

[Please, he's the one who could make millions if he could figure out some way to bottle what he smells like. Her heart is in her throat.]

You're not going to hurt me, Edward.

[174awhile]

[Yeah, because he needs more money. Removes one hand to gently tilt her chin up, pausing for a moment to gauge her heart's next response, to prepare himself, before slowly leaning in with a whisper...]

But I could, so easily. Please, don't forget that.

[heroin_e]

[A for effort, she really is trying to be good here. Trying very hard.

His breath is intoxicating, it's like a drug, and it's taking a not insignificant portion of her willpower not to just lean forward and inhale. But no, she'd be good. She said she'd be good. Darn it, she will be. Her heart is pounding in her ears (just like it always does; how embarrassing) and her cheeks are scarlet, but she doesn't seem to mind now, she doesn't even seem to notice. She's staring into his eyes, liquid topaz, and wondering yet again how she could possibly deserve this. Him.

She doesn't say that she's not afraid again, she's distracted by staring. But she's not. How could she ever be afraid of him?]

[174awhile]

[He can see her effort, her lack of fear. It's the only reason he's going through with this. Well, that and he wants to. More than she knows.

Her beauty, her fascination with him, his fascination with her absurd desire... It's all far too distracting. Take one last look at those pools of liquid topaz, love, because they're closing.

Slowly still, his lips press against hers. Best to start with familiar territory.]

[heroin_e]

[Her breath hitches at that, just like normal - and, just like normal, her instant desire - her instinct - is to all but attack him. She wants to throw herself closer, to kiss him harder, to try to press her lips to his and feel them move under the weight of hers, as hers do at his, never mind that it's impossible. By something that she's not sure she can't call a straight up miracle she manages to keep herself from doing that - because isn't closer supposed to be the eventual goal here? Her eyes shut a few moments after his, trying to take in this entire experience (really, is there anything he's not good at? It almost isn't fair.)

Right. Yes. She balls her hands into fists in the quilt under her to try to keep from latching on to him, and tries to concentrate on this. The sweet scent, the cool pressure, everything, what it felt like in the arms of a being who still seemed too much angel to be real more often than not.]

[forks]

[because talking to yourself is awesome right

RIGHT

Anyway, she's totally making a face. Someone's not laughing at her mun either.]

I think it's going around.

[heroin_e]

That's what I've heard.

[Folding her arms, making a face.]

It seems like I should probably have expected it.

[forks]

[She (they?)... yes. They should've expected it. Can't argue with that. She's bombarded with constant jokes being made at her expense in this headspace; the username coming next was only logical.

A moment of silence is quickly punctured by a huffed sigh.]

They're not as funny as they think they are.

[heroin_e]

You will never hear me arguing with that one.