dear_mun | mun just saw wreck-it-ralph what up i'm behind the times

[ He exhales at that, dropping his head down, his expression growing equal parts rueful and embarrassed. Leave it to Kirk (Jim, he reminds himself) to completely deviate from the script, leaving Capa no choice but to improvise.

Rubbing at the back of his neck, he sneaks a glance up, not exactly quite sure what to say. ]

I figure that's how these things are meant to work. [ Which is to say, he isn't really that good. All that's left of him by now is stardust. ]

I mean — you too.

[despite the almost sheepish reaction, Jim doesn't look away. instead, he smiles, watches the dip of his head, the way his hair falls. it's familiar, in that way you'd nearly forgotten something, like the sound of a loved one's voice. his self control, he feels, is tenuous. his humor isn't forced, but it's definitely only holding on by a thread.]

Thanks, I've been working out. I've been trying to keep up with Spock, but he runs like thirty miles a day.

[ And, again: thrown for a loop as conversation wheels away from the direction Capa had thought it had been going, only to end up someplace completely mundane like working out. It's funny (well, maybe not funny) how in those last moments he'd forgotten about these sorts of things. Back then, all he'd cared about was surviving long enough to deliver the payload but this—

This is the stuff of living, the reason he'd gone with the Icarus in the first place. Things that aren't quantifiable, like seeing an old friend after a long absence. ]

So. Business as usual.

[business as usual, it hits him like a sucker punch because yeah, life goes on. the ship didn't stop because Capa was gone. they've gone through so much since then— what they've found and who they've lost. Sherlock, Dean, Chase.

Jim takes a breath and there's an ache in his smile now, one that he can't keep out of his eyes]

I don't know what we can really call usual anymore.

[ There's something in Jim's expression that Capa can't really put his finger on. People, reading them, understanding how they work — those were never his strong points, but that's not why they'd brought him on board the Icarus in the first place. He wonders briefly if he should apologize for saying something (he's not sure what) he shouldn't have.

There's a chasm of time that separates them now. Time and death and experience. The ship (the universe) didn't stop because Capa was gone. Which had been the point of dying in the first place.

He shifts his weight uncomfortably then aims for levity, rubbing his elbow with a hand. ]

Pretty sure some things would chart if you got down to it. [ A beat and then he tips his head. ] But — wouldn't blame you if you didn't try.

Bet you've got your hands full.

[he knows well enough that Capa does better with numbers and figures than human interaction; it was something he had in common with Spock, in a way. nuances lost that other might have known, but it had never bothered Jim. in most cases, it was a blessing. in this case, he's not sure if it's good or bad.

what's done is done, but god, if he couldn't do something about it.]

That's what I had you around for. [had. he pushes forward quickly as not to dwell on it] Hands full is an understatement, let me tell you.

[ Had. Past tense. More elephant tiptoeing or at least a knock on the door, but Capa doesn't begrudge him. It was accurate, after all, so he doesn't correct him, doesn't mention it; just accepts it: yes, he had. ]

You know— [ He falters, hand finally stilling on his arm, his weight shifting again, making the light catch him differently, making him seem small and adolescent in his usual tanktop — freckled arms, narrow shoulders, the lot. ] —you can tell me.

[ Something tells him that most people wouldn't — that it'd ruin the mood or break some unwritten rule. Capa might not be good at talking, per say, but he is good at listening so he offers it. ]

Ah, I don't wanna ruin your day.

[he's not sure he could go into it and come out the other side unfazed; if it would help or if it would only bring his lack of control into sharp relief. but part of him wants to, wants something old and familiar, wants to bounce thoughts back and forth and have Capa call him captain and help him figure this shit out.]

You don't really have to worry about that crap anymore.

You think you might ruin my day?

[ Capa laughs at that. He doesn't expect to but he does, the breath of it filling his lungs like the proverbial glass (half empty or half full, only Capa knows that those sort of delineations are arbitrary things). He doesn't regret what he's done — never had the doubt in him, never will — but he wonders if Jim won't share his perspective. (He think that he will; Jim doesn't believe in no-win situations and what Capa had done — that'd been a win.) ]

Captain— [ Capa's mouth crooks. ] —I'm here 'cause of you. [ He shakes his head, his shoulders floundering in a kind of shrug. ] Regretting it isn't an option.

[it's like a punch in the stomach and something of it flickers in Jim's face, like the breath has just been evicted from his lungs with no warning. he opens his mouth, then closes it, flounders in a way that would almost be uncharacteristic if so much hadn't happened.]

It killed Chase.

[he blurts it out, hadn't realized the wound was still bleeding until he stitching had been ripped back. I'm losing all of you, he doesn't say.]

mun just saw wreck-it-ralph what up i'm behind the times

IT'S LIKE DROPPING THE BASS ONLY I WANT TO DIE

I KNOW RIGHT

WOW NOW I WANT TO SHUT UP D:

don't you ever stop or so help me!!!!

can we pls do an au or crossover or something where capa is on the enterprise pls D:

WOW CAN WE ACTUALLY.

yes my dear. THE ANSWER IS YES.

breathes heavily

seriously if you have a prompt inbox you should link it to me :3

klakskdjlad