dear_mun | i hate myself more and more every day.

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i hate myself more and more every day.

You need to get more icons of my totally ripped abs before you can app me, you know. You can't expect me to like, get all the hot spandex wearing chicks with nine super shitty icons. You don't even have any of me doing karate [Pronounced "kuh-rah-tay."] or anything.

Whatever, loser. I'll be waiting and working on some sweet new moves. Maybe some backflips. [He flips his completely and totally sensual long dudehair!!] Come find me when you're serious.

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Tell me about it. I've only got 7 and none of them show any of my sweet moves, either.

[... that's because you don't have any, Hank]

The chick didn't even keyword them, just gave them numbers like they're all the same. She obviously doesn't have the skill to play someone as deep and intense as me.

You going anywhere? Because we should both put our feet down until we get something badass.

Oh yeah she totally doesn't have the skill. I mean who does? Do they think it's easy being this cool?

[he shrugs, trying to look nonchalant instead of the super totally excited that he is.]

Yeah. She's gonna send me to some place called Excelcior or something like that. [also known as Exsilium, Hank.] but it's got mysteries and bad guys and I can get a weapon so it might be alright.

Oh and Dean's coming, too.

That's the only friggin' explanation. But it would figure some nerdy loser obsessed with comics and shit wouldn't understand how to be cool. Her music taste is garbage, too.

[He does the same. But it includes more hair-flipping. It is the best accessory a chick-magnet like him could ever ask for.]

Dude, I hope you get a sweet gun. Push your way to the front of the line so you get the best, just pretend you're like twelve or something. They'll all let you go if you make just the right face. Where I'm headed I get super powers and this footface chick that's totally in love with me. I'm going to let her down gently.

[Snort!] Lucky you.

Super powers?! Really? Hey! Why can't I get superpowers? Powers are a weapon, sort of.

[he pauses]

Of course... Batman never needed special powers.

[Wait. That's not cool is it. Shoot. Abort! Abort! He sniffs, shrugging it off]

Gotta be gentle with the ladies. You could do better. Especially with super powers. [He smirks] You just wait. Once I can show off my sweet gun I'll be getting all the girls. They'll all want to come to Hank-Town to ride the... Ferris Wheel... [Yeah that analogy got away from him. He's still new at this... How can he be suave about sex if he doesn't even remember it?!]

Oh my God, how does it feel to be such a huge stupid liar. Seriously.

I don't know, how does it feel to look exactly like Clay Gaiken?

..... Who?

Fine, whatever. Tobey Magayire. [Let us count how many ways he can tell this joke...]

It's Maguire, and he was totally an awesome Spider-man. Epic fail. Try again.

That is literally the most homo thing I have ever heard you say. And like, every other thing you say is gay.

Wow, you must only be a Level 1 doucheface, you've only got one insult. How long do you have to study every night to keep it in your mind?

[Dean honey no he won't get D&D class insults]

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i hate myself more and more every day.

no subject

BE STILL, MY BEATING HEART

LOL I love you for playing him.

he's such an awful piece of shit, how can i not!

And you play him so perfectly

no subject

IT'S CHRISTMAS

COME PLAY WITH USSSS. /reaches

UGH I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A SECOND LARGE GAME, BUT MY HEART :(

...but the ac is supereasy... /puppyeyes

oh god i'm going to end up reserving aren't i

/puppyeeeeeyyyyyeeees