[reincarnation courf is tired of dealing with his memories, apparently.]

[the_centre]

My Cher,

No. No. No.

I will not go through with it again. I refuse to have to process more memories, see more terrible things and have the dreams where I witness everyone dying. I don't care if it messes up the process of the game or whatever you have planned, but I refuse to uncover the memories or deal with them or process them, or anything like that.

I enjoy my modern life. It's fun, it's easy, I love my friends, and they love me, and despite the weird plots? Everything's going well. Why do you have to want to ruin this? Why do you want to make me watch them dying as I can't stop it from happening?

It's NOT going to happen. I don't care what else you feel you have to do to me to keep the memories from being uncovered in the quest of angst and drama. You can hurt me. You can have me get run over by something, fall and break things, get beaten half to death in an alley, call me by my participle, anything, anything at all so that you don't continue to give me the memories and the dreams.

I've already had Jehan's death. It's all that I've been thinking of since that dream. I can't have you do anything else like that to me. I seriously can't. I'm trying to force myself to function since then, and I can't do it. I cannot manage it, I'm not strong like Enjolras and like the others. I won't be able to cope again, and I can't handle going through anything like what you've already forced on me.

I love you, but you can't make this happen again.

-Courfeyrac

Comments

[lavenir]

[Well, Courfeyrac, he heard his name and in a startling context. In fact, this entire soul-rendering monologue would be alarming, if he didn't have his own mun well aware of all these same facts and only too willing to toy with them. There is nothing so mortal as cruelty and nothing so divine as being calm in the face of it. Therefore, his only concern at the moment is your welfare.]

The modern age does us both well then, Courfeyrac. But even with the prices of this day being higher, you sell yourself short.

You've always been strong, friend. Witty and like a breathe of fresh air to us all. The stuff of sonnets and legends.

Do not let a bad dream take hold of you. It's poetic justice that we live to see the future we once died to create.

[the_centre]

[Courfeyrac's mun delights in fucking with his head, it is true. And he's far reaching past the divine aspects of it and about to throttle her. If he didn't like her. Kind of.]

Do I so? I'm not... It's really difficult to deal with these things precisely because I can't touch them, can't exactly take a sword to them or throw them into fires or...Anything like that. It worries me that I can't be as I once was yet.

From you I'll take that as high praise. [And that's a smile. He's been doing precious little enough of that lately.]

When you put it that way, perhaps it's worth hanging in there.

[lavenir]

But you can speak on them, write of them. [He suggests, lightly; because they're already in the midst of talking about it, and he can't be sure it's helping. Words are often more powerful than swords and grief is rarely surmounted by a filing cabinate, anyway. The trouble with negativity is it looms so large and is difficult to pass though; words can sometimes create a hole in the wall, where once there was none. Understanding is often the best medicine.] Let them go that way, slowly.

[Have a soft smile in return, warm though shy. He knows you're trying, Courfeyrac. That's good enough.] I have nothing but the highest praise for all of the men I can call friends. It will always be worth hanging in there... the best is yet to come, as they say.

Smiling suits you better. I doubt Enjolras could pick up the slack if you decided to remain glum. [After all, Courfeyrac was always the freest with his smiles of the lot. It would be a pity for that to be lost.]