Noooo it's not safe out there...

[checkyourpulse]

Hey! Wakey-wakey, come on. You can't keep me stuck up here forever! I wanna go. I wanna get out and do something! Just because you're scared to try doesn't mean you can just lock me away. It's boring in here.

Let's do something. A meme, anything! Just try. You have to try. I'm having a total Rapunzel moment here, let's GO! Develop me already! Flesh that shit out and stop whining. Let me have some fun before it all goes dark and gets heavy. I'm young and impetuous and you can't stop me. You know I'm gonna be famous one day.

We can do this. Don't sleep yet!

Comments

[venatical]

You sure you wanna ask for that, sweetheart? Might be better off where you are.

[checkyourpulse]

Where I am is a dead end on a deserted island in a black hole! What the hell do you know, sweetheart?

[venatical]

What I know is that sometimes it's better to be left alone than go around poking at things with sticks until they do something with you. You know, sort of a "careful what you wish for" thing.

[checkyourpulse]

Nope! Wrong. [She's most definitely making a buzzer sound.]

I can take whatever they throw at me.

[venatical]

Alright, but don't come crying to me when shit gets bad.

[jk, he'd still get her a beer.]

What's your name? Cotton Candy?

[checkyourpulse]

What makes you think I'd go to you? That Disney face of yours? Pfffft. Please.

[Cotton. Candy. Excuse you, Disneyface. She's raising that eyebrow mighty high.] It's Nola.

[venatical]

[Disney face? Rude! Or something.]

Hi, Nola. I'm Dean. Look, I'm just saying I've been around the block a few times. Been to hell and back. [Ha... literally.]

It's not all pink hair and roses.

[checkyourpulse]

You're seriously obsessed with my hair, aren't you? Wow. Okay, keep it in your pants, Dean, I could score you a bottle and you can do it yourself. Just because you got to go out and experience a bunch of shit and then it all sucked doesn't mean I can just take your word for it and stay home for the rest of my life!

I learn way better by doing. [That was definitely a wink.]

[venatical]

What? It's bright. Am I not supposed to notice it, Miss Notice Me Please?

Do all you want, just don't tempt Fate, okay? I've done that one too. Not pretty.

[checkyourpulse]

[And THAT was definitely her middle finger.]

I can't help it if I'm tempting.

[venatical]

And modest too. [He grins.] What do you want to get famous for? You an actress or something?

[goesdown]

You can be famous right now if you like. It won't cost you much for the first ten years.

[checkyourpulse]

... I'm listening. Go on. Are you an agent or something? Do you get a bigger cut for instant results?

[goesdown]

Something like that. I can make you rich and famous beyond your dreams. All it will cost you is your pesky little soul and I won't even collect for ten years.

[checkyourpulse]

[Can you see those stars in her eyes, Crowley? What an opportunity.] Yeah? ... What exactly do you even need a soul for anyway? Entrance into Heaven?

That place does sound all kinds of boring.

[goesdown]

I have it on good authority that it's pretty drab. You get ten good years up here and then you'll go somewhere far more interesting than Heaven. Take it from me, angels are overrated.

[checkyourpulse]

Ten years is more than enough time. Live fast die young, right? [She smirks. No harm in playing along with this obviously delusional guy.] So what does that make you? The devil?

[goesdown]

No, I'm merely a humble salesman. The devil's not the most... personable.

[ He smiles. ]

Now if you'll just sign on the dotted line, all contracts have to be sealed with a kiss.

[checkyourpulse]

Ooooh, okay. I see. This was all an elaborate plot to get me to make out with you. [She smiles right back.] No thanks.

[goesdown]

A quick peck is all it takes. I assure you that you're really not my type.

[checkyourpulse]

... [She has to think about this.] That's it? Seriously? One tiny kiss and I get magical fame and fortune? All for a soul.

[goesdown]

That's it. Just sign on the dotted line, Princess Peach.

[checkyourpulse]

You on a deadline? [Smiiiiiirk]

[goesdown]

No, I just assumed that you'd want to get it out of the way. Think of your adoring fans.

[gleans]

Y'know, fame can be a pretty heavy deal.

[checkyourpulse]

Not exactly seeing any downsides to free food, free stuff, big houses, fast cars, and billions of adoring fans screaming your name and knowing who you are. What makes you an expert, anyway?

[gleans]

You know it's technically not free, right? I kinda have some experience in that area.

[checkyourpulse]

Do you also have experience in raining on people's parades? Because wow, class act. [It even gets you some sarcastically slow applause.]

People like you just wanna bring other people down before they even get a chance to shine. And, baby? I'm sure as hell gonna blind some bitches.

[gleans]

Bring 'em down to earth, maybe. I'm just saying, man. It'd suck to crash and burn.

[checkyourpulse]

Well that's just not an option, sweetcheeks. I'm destined for greatness. Wait and see.

[buttsoupbarnes]

Whenever I'm bored, I hear a beat and I imagine it loud
Silence leads to bass lines in my inner head sound

I'm my own personal maestro- a bro and a half
Got me wetting my pants, like the Toys 'R' Us giraffe

"HIS NAME IS GEOFFREY", my inner voice screams,
callin up saturday morning dreams

a vision of a boy in hand-me-down reeboks
playin' on the floor with Rocksteady and Beebop

He don't got the rhythm yet, that part comes later
in the midst of a battle between Snake Eyes and Vader

The beat drops with his balls, and the boy becomes a man
and the rhythm bows down and becomes his right hand

A god amongst lyrics, a saint amongst song
letter for letter don't think you'd do better cuz you'd be thinking wrong.

...Hi, I'm Troy.

[checkyourpulse]

.................... Hi, I'm impressed-- I mean, Nola. [Daaaaaaaamn.] Did you just come up with all that on the spot?

[buttsoupbarnes]

Oh that? It's just a thing I do. It comes naturally.

[a pause as what he said registers and his eyes widen]

...Not because I'm black, because I love mu- I'm not racist, I swear.

[checkyourpulse]

[PFFFFFFFFFT! Oh man. Hang on, she's gotta stop laughing.] I believe you, dude! Calm yo tits. It was cool! Singing in the shower is about as musical as I get.

[buttsoupbarnes]

H-heh heh. Yeah... I sing in the shower too... all the time...

[He's lying, of course, Troy almost always takes baths. You can't bring your action figures into a shower.]

So what's a girl like you up to anyway?

[checkyourpulse]

Right now? Planning an epic escape. What about you?

[buttsoupbarnes]

Well, I had come here with the intention of rapping at a young lady who caught my eye. Considering that has been accomplished, I'd say my schedule is freed right up.

[rigging]

Aw, so innocent.

[checkyourpulse]

Fuck you! Who's innocent? Not this girl. You gonna tell me I should stay inside where it's safe, too? No way.

[rigging]

You are, firework, you ain't got any idea of what these ladies are capable of. Terrible, awful things they put y'through, and they laugh about it! Nasty.

But I ain't saying you should stay inside. That's against my religion.

[checkyourpulse]

What about what I'm capable of? No offense, sweetness, but I think I'm gonna be okay. I got skills. I can handle it! Just because you're easy to torture doesn't mean It's gonna be that easy with me. Bring it!

[rigging]

[ He laughs, lifts his hands up. ] Ay, ay, I'm just saying. Put the teeth away, lady, I'm on your side.

What kinda skills, then?

[checkyourpulse]

... Good. That's the winning side. [She flashes a bright grin.]

Oh, you know... ass-kicking skills. [Oh no, now she's all smug.] Bet I could have you on the ground with one hit.

[rigging]

I dunno, I ain't exactly scrawny, miss. [ He peers at her. ] Still, I ain't exactly fond of eating my own words neither, so I guess there's that. You go around trying to prove yerself to everybody you meet?

[checkyourpulse]

Size doesn't matter. There's a trick to it. [She squeezes an eye shut and pumps her first in the air. When it stops, a flash of white light shoots out from it like someone just snapped a picture.]

Yep. Everybody.

[rigging]

Don't that get tiring? [ ... Yeah, he's eying her hand. Da fuck, bro. ]

[checkyourpulse]

I've got a lot of energy to spare. [She lowers the fist and points at him, making a gun with her thumb and index finger to shoot another little flash of light with a smile. Oh, she's so witty. Ohohoho. Girl think she's got jokes.]

What's your name, cowboy?

[rigging]

[ WAH. This time he actually sort of flinches at the flash of light. Annnd then he purses his lips and scoots a little out of the way. :| ]

Jesse. Yeehaw. [ Yes, that was totally deadpan. ]