dear_mun | (no subject)

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Ridiculous other-dimentional mortal. You believe that you can handle the all consuming hunger that exists within me? Please. I can barely handle it and I was born. with. it. I mean look at me. I am pretty sure at this point that I have some sort of cosmic eating disorder.

And don't even bring my Father into this.

Now do please release me before I turn my appetite into a weapon to be wielded against your intriguingly hero-free dimention. 100% Organic mmm....

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Nothing against Big Daddy G-

Well, okay, everything against him, but you look nothing like him.

Domg, he knocked boots. Who's your mom? Do I know her? I bet I can guess in twenty questions or more.

Have you sung the naming game song with your name? It's wa-hay out there.

Edited (edity edit. I know a guy named Ed Edit.) 2013-02-15 19:08 (UTC)

I actually have no Mother. Also I think if I tried to sing anything I would probably rip apart time and space because you know; cosmic demi-god blah blah blah.

Oh trust me, I got the blah blah part down pat. [Not to self, find out who Pat is.]

[Noted]
[Cool.]

So you can't even talk? your dad talks, I think the one time I heard him he had just eaten garlic world, 'cause Pee-Yew.

...Not pee you, p-u, like stink. Ok? ok.

Are you a cosmic vegetarian or straight up cosmic vegan? Like, do you only eat...like..not planet, I guess?

Oh I can definitely talk. It's kind of a chore though speaking at a decibel that won't pop your head like a soap bubble.

I am a cosmic gourmet. I only eat entities that are non-native to Earth. Usually invasive things like extra-planetary monsters or alien born diseases.

I gotchta, you're like the Lysol of Earth! Sea breeze? I'll bet it's sea breeze. It's always sea breeze.

Can I have your autograph? Are you like gigantic? Like would I need a few miles of coal so you can write, what's the deal?

Like my Daddy Dearest I can change my size. So I could in theory sign an ordinary piece of paper.

And you know...I think I'm more like those skinny Earth Mortals who's idea of a meal is two slices of orange and a glass of water. (Seriously the meals I get in this place are TINY)

Models and they're imaginary food. The hell do they think this place is, Neverland?!

...but what if it was? Whoa, that's deep. I gotta write that down for later.

Have you had the food here? Taco bell's something else, let me tell ya. I'm not allowed in there anymore, but that's what you get when you try to save drowning quarters. The round bodies, my god... [cough] Like I was saying-

...what was I saying?

Nonono. I don't eat Earth food. Because there's a good chance I won't stop at whatever mortals deem "acceptable cuisine".

See it's kind of like everything on this planet is made of delicious.

Speaking of which...that anomalous skin growth you've got there looks incredibly exotic.

Whoa, whoa. No hitting on the DP. The Deep. I should call myself the Deep.

Just kidding, you can totes hit on the Deep.

That's a shame because the food on earth is out of this world. Wait, I think I just made a pair of dox there. Do I pair of doxes beat a pair of sevens? Hmm.

...Did you just call me ugly?

Not at all. I said you look good enough to eat (literally). And you have that special genetic marker too. So I could in theory consume you and allow you to regrow. But I'm not. Because s) I am on a strict non-earth native diet. and b) It would be wrong to do something like that.

Oh. So you when you said, you really meant eat. Yeah, that healing factor thingy is really something, isn't it? Whoa, you can see it? What does it look like? Does it look like me? It better look like me. With, like, a smile.

...Non earth. Hey, I know this guy named Thor and he's totally edible. Not the way I was thinking, more the way you were thinking. Like nommy nom.

I've considered it. But that would be considered an act of aggression and I don't want to deal with the backlash from the other hero-types. Besides. He's helping protect the Earth as well so he's valuable in that capacity.

And the genetic marker looks like an X. That's why the mortals (mistakenly) call it the "X-gene".

Dammit. I have this bet about Thor-nevermind, I'll figure something out. SO it does look like an X. That would explain why Wolverine's Weapon X super has that X there. And here I thought it was just for show. Psh, my supers are so much better. So what's up with the tuning fork helmet? Is it like a viking thing or a 'runs-in-the-family' kinda thing?

Before you ask, no masks don't run in my family. Well they might.

I pretty much wear it because I take after my Father a bit. But I don't know; it could be some ancient fashion statement from the previous universe.

I know I find it rather stylish. But wearing it in public can get awkward so generally I try to look more...mortal.

No, NO. You need to wear it! I can see this being a huge trend. You, the next Gaga. You'd be like the pope of hats! Or hey-you could be pope and wear that hat instead!

There's a pope position available you know.

You could be all sermony and demand sacrifices and storm Tibet!

That could be a movie. I need to be in that movie.

Oh please. Of all the things I could do with my life; "religious figure to humans" does not even make the list.

You're a ridiculous little man. Maybe I should make you find food for me. It works for Dad after all.

I could make you metallic red or something.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Listen to yourself.

Red with no black? Are you serious? I thought you were some cosmic uber being or something. Deadpool with no black? You hate the black? Does it not look good? I'd be just adpo without the black, it completes me.

Hey. Those are the rules (I think). I mean, look at Silver Surfer. Do you seen any blue or anything splashed in there? Nope. Just silver.

You should feel lucky I give you a color choice at all. I could just decide to make you whatever my favorite color is.

What is your favorite color? I made mine, I called it "Reck" I mixed black with red and got that. Didn't go over to well. I painted Pepper Potts' office with it and almost got blown up by Stark. Heh. He didn't have the cajones though. Pfft. What a tin can.

I'll bet it's purple. Is it purple? Purple! It;s gotta be purple.

Purple Deadpool though? That's not one of my color options in UMvC3... Do I get a board? I don't want a board. Can I get a jet pack? I want a jet pack!

Reck hm? I think I can conceive of such a color. And of course you perceive the color as purple. Because mortal brains are unequipped to see what my favorite color actually looks like.

...

You can have a jet pack if you want. I don't really care what you use.

Finally! Someone who can see my brilliant color. I've equipped my brain before. With a knife. It was an accident. Long story.

It wasn't a knife. More of a bullet.

A grenade kind of bullet.

With fire.

Oh yeeeah! Deadpool Fett! I'm digging this. So what's my job? Hunt down restaurants? I know this great little hole in the wall. I can watch people eat if I look through it.

Maybe that? They might do catering.

Edited (I like chocolate flavored gummi worms. They don't exist yet. YET.) 2013-02-20 19:16 (UTC)

hm.

Well Silver Surfer...or whoever Daddy Dearest is using these days; usually went out looking for planets with a large amount of energy but no sentient lifeforms.

Buuuuttt I want to protect Earth and all it's adorably delicious inhabitants. So what I look for instead are non-native invasive species on the planet.

I'd have to do some major overhaul on your cognitive functions and that chemical instability in your brain though so I think you'd be happier just remaining your crazy self.

Oh pfft, sure, cruch my dreams. Deadpool Surfer. DPS. Down the drain, kaput. Done.

I'm over it.

But you know, if you could just eat the dictator in Northa Korea. That'd be cool. I think he's an alien. Seriously look at that hair and those dumb sunglasses.

Wait, he's dead.

Eat his alien son.

No thank you. He may be a terrible person but he's not non-native. I would have known if he was from off-planet.

*blink*blink*

...Now I've seen everything. Ya one of them, whatta ya call it, cosplayers or somethin'?

Ah...no. No I am not. But I promise I am not a threat to your adorably appetizing planet! Unlike my emotionally detached Daddy; I actually care about what happens here.

Well. If this don't beat everything. Ol' Galactus had a kid?

Yeah I guess now we're both the last his race. Buuuuttt that's pretty heavy so I try not to think about it too much!

Sounds like a good way ta go about it, if ya ask me.

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