dear_mun | Hopefully headed to ataraxion

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Hopefully headed to ataraxion

Madame Secretary,

...Well the others of my friends refer to you as such and it appears it's to be my turn if all goes well with this process and my application. I must say, you have been fretting yourself a bit too much over the icons. This one has my spectacles, so we'll simply use it most often and save the others for the moments when we really need them.

Really, the matter of pictures is not the biggest factor in what we are about to do together. The issue of what you plan to do with me now that I'm placing myself into a partnership with you is. I have a few requests and you know what those are already, so I hope you will find ways to adhere to them, namely, to allow me to continue my training so that I might become a doctor fit for the modern day and age, and that you will give me the chance to learn new things and explore what progress has wrought where we are heading. I actually look forward to this chance, if only because it's a true glimpse at the future, and because many of my friends who will need me are there and waiting.

Besides, considering what Enjolras's mun conveyed about what he's been doing, what choice do I have but to get there and stop him from harming himself without noticing? It is late and you should be sleeping, I know, and I actually intend to try to get you there, and the application will come off badly if we attempt to finish it tonight. I will still be there in the morning, you've entered a reserve for me, and we can hold off on the rest of things now that you've found a face that pleases both of us for me.

As strange as all this sounds, I actually look forward to what we might do together there, and have the feeling we'll fit naturally together. Thank you for the chance, I'm certain this is going to go well for both of us.

-Michel Combeferre

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Yours, at least, is productive. [Don't mind him, 'Ferre, he's just tetchy because he's been stuck with Marius for three weeks by himself. How does Courfeyrac stand it, really.]

I will not harm myself, I assure you. [Probably.] I cannot promise I will protect Pontmercy from the same fate, however, especially if he continues mooning over his letters.

Productive is one of those states I'm not sure is going to last, but, while it is here, I might as well see it put to use.

Not intentionally of course. But even so, it worries me enough that I must come see things for myself and then determine it. I hardly mistrust you but...

Marius...Mooning. ...yees...that combination does sound explosive.

That is true enough, I suppose. I wish you luck with it.

[A small shrug, but he's going to try and ease that troubled look off his face that has been all too present recently.] You would be welcome, in any case. You always are, and I do think you would find this ...ship intriguing.

It does not help that people see fit to encourage him.

Well, thank you for that. With some luck, this will turn out for the best. ...The best it can be I suppose, considering the circumstances as they already are.

[That's better. Sort of. At least it's an attempt and even if it isn't complete, he'll take it for now. Baby steps. Baby steps are still STEPS after all. It doesn't mean he's going to stop looking concerned but...]

It does sound like somewhere I would not mind being so much as some of these other universes I am told about. And it would be good to see you again.

That could be potentially problematic, given certain situations. I'll only hope they are engaging him when it doesn't come to matters of graver importance. Is that too much though?

I have all faith in you.

[It is an attempt, yes, but he's -- had time to ponder things, since waking up aboard that strange ship. If by 'ponder' we mean 'shove to the back of his mind and not think about them', because it hurts too much and the only person he would willingly talk to about them is not present. The whole issue of Grantaire, for example, he can hardly speak with Marius about.]

It would be better to see you. [There's the faintest trace of a smile.] Neither Pontmercy nor myself have -- engaged ourselves all too much in matters of graver importance, yet. I intend to, I do not know about him.

Then I shall try to be worthy of that.

[Ouch. He'll keep an eye on things for now and try to gently tug them out as much as he can. Maybe with time, and careful extraction. Right, so it's a more delicate surgery than anything he's seen or assisted in, or done on a cadaver but that's no reason it couldn't still be accomplished. He'll try his utmost at any rate.]

Soon. [And he's returning the smile though his is full force.] I will be there and can assist you in all of that. Of course you would find a purpose to oversee there. And I at least can offer my support.

You always are.

[Time would be good, yes, though there is little he's ever hidden from Combeferre. It usually just doesn't occur to him to mention it, but it comes out eventually.]

I am pleased to hear it. [A little shrug.] There is -- unrest, despair. The only way to fix it is to find the source of it, the way I see it.

Thank you for that. I do...look forward, really, to when we can speak there.

[And he's usually content with those things happening, though on occasion, he will try to ferret details out as well, provided it's what Enjolras might need at the moment. He's starting to suspect that this might be one of those times and it's concerning him]

Unrest and despair. Perhaps that's the reason you've been sent there. To make something better from it.

As do I. There is much to speak about.

[It is, honestly. He's not sure what to do in this place, and it concerns him somewhat, this not having a purpose.]

With only Pontmercy? I doubt even I can raise an entire ship of people, mon frère.

[Well then, together they will have to find a new cause. Surely there are still those even in strange new places.]

I did not say raise the entire ship, my friend. Making something better does not ALWAYS have to take on the tons of uprising. There are the other ways to start the current moving. Ways that you were skilled in before. And you will have me now for that. At least it would be some more ground. The rest of it will come.

[Currently, it might be learning what exactly is going on with this odd ship.]

Yes, but before I had the benefit of all of you. [Yes, he knows, progress, but why wait for progress when you can make it happen?]

I suppose I shall have to wait, as displeased as that makes me.

[That is the sort of thing that is right up his strange little alley. Particularly if there are things to READ about the workings somewhere on board.]

And perhaps, in time, more of us will be there. Or we may find others to draw into our company. Are there repercussions to fear that we must keep things secret now or are things on the ship easier now?

I suppose you shall. Waiting, yes but one can still...examine possibilities.

[There might be, he and Marius do intend to find out what they can.]

Things are easier, I believe, though there is some royalty on board. I have found a number of people who ...if not republicans, they are at least sympathetic to our cause.

Royalty have been taken too? Perhaps I shouldn't find that so strange but how that could be managed is strange to think about. And sympathetic is a good start, yes. It sounds like you've already laid a strong foundation.

They are men and women, the same as you or I. This ship is not particular about whom it snatches up.

I have tried, at least. [....Well, he hasn't really, he's just -- got that oddly magnetic personality working in his favor.]

[ --- Marius really shouldn't be so pleased over someone else being trapped on this damnable spaceship, but --

There is a faint smile.]

Enjolras will be pleased.

[And so will he because it's really only a matter of time before they kill each other lbr.]

[And he's getting a smile back. ]

Marius. It's good to know my presence will be welcome there.

I sincerely hope you two haven't murdered each other by now of course.

[Because come on , this is the kind of thing, you can really count on when it comes to leaving them alone together anywhere.]

There have been several... difficulties.

[With a slight scratching of his cheek. That seems to be a good way to put it.]

But we have mostly agreed to not speak of anything remotely similar to politics.

Difficulties...

[And okay, that was a lip quirk right there, definitely, because as serious as the situation is? It's also pretty damned amusing when you think about it.]

That does seem like the best thing to do under the circumstances, really. They say never to discuss those or religion or money at times, don't they? this...looks to be one of those times.

Hello Combeferre.

It's good to see you here. I envy you having a place to go. I hope that Enjolras is well. I like to believe that he needs us by his side. Don't you agree?

Godspeed in a new place, friend.

Jehan!

It's very good to see you here as well. Enjolras seems...well, I've only got his word to go on now, but he seems well enough under the circumstances. I think that he will always have some need of all of us to keep things moving, yes. It's very difficult to picture him without our group there, isn't it?

Thank you. And I hope that you find one of your own, wherever that may take you.

Yes indeed, I can't imagine him without us. Or, perhaps I can't imagine us without him. That IS different, but not completely.

I hope that she does not keep me waiting much longer. I realize these places can be bad, but I am coming to the conclusion that waiting is much worse.

Be well.

Both of those things, I think. They ARE different but connected, aren't they?

Oh yes. I had thought I would try to be content here but, well...there is only so much to be read and seen from the confines of this headspace, and isolation's never done anyone much good, has it?

And you, my friend.

No doubt about that whatsoever that they are connected, closely so. I was merely marking the distinction, subtle as it is.

I agree about the headspace. I know this woman has affection for me. But what does she do with it? Confining indeed. And no, it doesn't do me or her or anyone any good. And, I do so want to be of some good to someone. Maybe that's the hardest part, the feeling of being unsubstantial. I never wanted to be that.

I do wish, with as much inspiration as she takes from us, that my own would do more with that than keep me here with...very little to change the world taking place as of right now, yes. It feels completely wrong , antithetical to everything that we held most dear. And you were never that.

[Prouvaire blushes]

I did not do anything the rest of us didn't do. You, Enjolras, all of us. We followed the convictions of our hearts, nothing more.

And yes, it is stifling not to do that here. I understand completely. It's like being cut off from air.

I will say a prayer for us both... for all of us trapped in this place.

So, should I not hold any of you in value then? I cannot see a world where such a thing would ever be true.

[And he's smiling, yes.]

Yes. That is EXACTLY the sensation. We live, perhaps but we are not really alive again yet, perhaps.

Thank you. [He appreciates the gesture, even if he cannot exactly return the favor himself.]

We all hold each other in esteem, don't we? But we should not romanticize each other either. Isn't that true? We should love for who we are, not for some idealizes versions of ourselves that the others hold.

It feels like life. Just... a different sort. Maybe that is death after all.

You are most welcome, always.

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Hopefully headed to ataraxion

/JUST IGNORE MY SCREAMING OVER HERE OKAY

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