dude, when's your franchise gonna end?

[therealgenius]

It's got to end soon. At least, with Tony's part of the story. Look, the man is getting on in years, and he's not fooling anyone with dyeing his hair. You saw The Soloist, you know he's gray. Soon he won't be able to do any of his stunts at all, and you can't have a good Iron Man movie if Iron Man can't do any of his stunts.

[iron man 2 wasn't any good though shut your mouth]

And he's running out of Big Bad Countries In All The Movies And Books In Recent History to piss off. The Middle East is done, Russia is done, now it's China. If the second Avengers combines the Super Hot Villain Of The Month with North Korea, it's over. It's done. Unless he sparks another crisis in Cuba, where's he going from there?

Maybe we'll get a super god alien space movie that's tolerable after that. You know, more alien god problems, less boring shit on Earth. Iron Man and Captain America is on Earth. We have enough Earth movies. Seriously. I don't even care if the new bad aliens are, like, the lizard people from Battleship, it'd be more interesting than whiny human problems.

I mean, it can't go on forever, right? No one wants to see Iron Wheelchair. Not even me, and that's saying something.

Comments

[therealgenius]

The world really revolves around you in any day and age and universe, huh?

[He always thought that was a glass of milk and Oreos.

And, maybe, a private plane at his beck and call.




But mostly Oreos.]

[liverletdie]

Of course it does. Has there ever been a doubt?

[ No, bliss is being Tony fucking Stark.}

[therealgenius]

Yes. It kind of happened when we figured out Earth revolves around the sun and that there are no sea monsters, it's spherical.

If the world revolved around you, Earth would have to move as you did, so you'd have an oval shape thousands of miles long sloping up next to you, people falling and dying, lava oozing out...

[liverletdie]

Oh, you're talking scientifically. I was thinking metaphorically.

[therealgenius]

I'm sure all seven billion plus people on Earth spend a few moments a day praying to your "iron" ass in gratitude and hope. It's got to be a thing that happens.

[liverletdie]

Well, I am the Director of SHIELD, so they do it pretty often.

[therealgenius]

Oh, so it's because you're the Director of SHIELD that you're so important, not because of being Iron Man, or Stark Industries, or...anything like that?

[That's more tolerable.

Slightly.]

[liverletdie]

Well... I would say being Iron Man puts me a cut above the rest, but only because I've been exposed to so much. Any business can be influential.

[therealgenius]

"I would say, but only"—don't try the humility when it suits you think, you don't have to win me over.

I'm not the adoring public or, you know, a woman from a country that has bad blood with America that you seem to want to go out with.

That's what she is, right? The Russian chick in the movie.

With the...the crazy throwing against the wall. And the, uh. The being Russian.

[liverletdie]

Who, Natasha? I don't think you should call her that, she might take offense.

Honestly, we're friends. I stopped trying to get her to go out with me years ago.

[therealgenius]

[Oh please. He has a lot of other names for her.]

No, I think her name's Maya. In the new one. You know, the movie that proves that a man in his forties can have totally had a romantic relationship as a young man and even in his thirties, despite being a...one night stand playboy or whatever.

The one that breaks brains.

[liverletdie]

Oh, Maya. [ He sounds fond. ]

Maya and I actually moved in together.

[therealgenius]

[Fond? He must be thinking of sex with her.

Or coke and hoes and shit. Cuz he's so all that and a bag of weed.]

You moved in with her or she moved in with you?

[Oh, wait. Billionaires.]

Or you built your own house and moved in that way?

[liverletdie]

Well, technically she moved in with me, I suppose you could say.

She's a very brilliant woman.

[therealgenius]

[For a man who's made part of his career the study of Tony Stark, all this new information is just fascinating. But he can't let that on, oh no, because that's...that's too "the world revolves around Tony Stark" and even more "Justin Hammer's world revolves around Tony Stark" which is not true and no one should think that ever.]

What happened? I mean, why didn't it work out?

[liverletdie]

Hm? Oh, you know how it goes. Get transplanted to an alternate dimension and get stuck there for almost four years, well...

Things tend to fall apart.

[therealgenius]

[What? No. Why would Justin know how that goes? He's just a minor villain in a sequel people pretend doesn't exist because omgadskfhsajfh Tony was SO MEAN you know my poor babbu was just rly stressed i,'M SO GLAD THAT ONE SCEEN WASN'T IN THERE BECUZ HE WAS SOOOO MEAN TO PEPPER TONY WHY and also there wasn't as much heart as the first one!!!!!

No one remembers Justin Hammer.

It's his curse. He's kind of okay with it, considering he's the only ~*~villain~*~ who got to survive. That's something, right?]

I'd imagine they would. Four years is a hell of a long time when it comes to relationships. I mean, I would assume. I don't know.

[liverletdie]

No long-term relationships, huh? Four years is an extraordinarily long time to be in a relationship.

[ He's so fucking amused. ]

[therealgenius]

I have no desire to settle down at any age. I'm fine as I am.

[Well...]

You just need someone on your arm at a lot of events, right? But they come and go. No biggie; I'm not feeling neglected or anything by not being in one.

[liverletdie]

There's a merit to the companionship, honestly. It's not like I'm really hurting for someone to accompany me on events, Justin.

I'm sure you don't either, right?

[therealgenius]

I, too, can call up an escort service with a list of preferences if I really need someone on my arm and don't have anyone.

This is a thing I can do as well. So no, I'm not hurting.

[liverletdie]

Well, I don't know about an escort service. There's no need for that, you know?

[therealgenius]

Maybe I'll just settle down with a nice, Chinese-American girl who always dyes her hair red. How's that sound?

[HE CAN HAVE FUN AT HIS OWN EXPENSE OKAY?]

[liverletdie]

Well, that sounds pretty bad, honestly. Maybe you might want to rethink that is.

[ Okay, he can appreciate that. ]

[therealgenius]

The day you find Tony Stark telling you you need to rethink your life choices is the day you know you fucked up really, really badly.