dude, when's your franchise gonna end?

[therealgenius]

It's got to end soon. At least, with Tony's part of the story. Look, the man is getting on in years, and he's not fooling anyone with dyeing his hair. You saw The Soloist, you know he's gray. Soon he won't be able to do any of his stunts at all, and you can't have a good Iron Man movie if Iron Man can't do any of his stunts.

[iron man 2 wasn't any good though shut your mouth]

And he's running out of Big Bad Countries In All The Movies And Books In Recent History to piss off. The Middle East is done, Russia is done, now it's China. If the second Avengers combines the Super Hot Villain Of The Month with North Korea, it's over. It's done. Unless he sparks another crisis in Cuba, where's he going from there?

Maybe we'll get a super god alien space movie that's tolerable after that. You know, more alien god problems, less boring shit on Earth. Iron Man and Captain America is on Earth. We have enough Earth movies. Seriously. I don't even care if the new bad aliens are, like, the lizard people from Battleship, it'd be more interesting than whiny human problems.

I mean, it can't go on forever, right? No one wants to see Iron Wheelchair. Not even me, and that's saying something.

Comments

[manofiron]

Iron Wheelchair, huh? Tell me what you really think.

[therealgenius]

You sustain a lot of injuries. It's fully possible you'll get a really bad one, isn't it? I mean, it's not like it looks very kind to you, having you drag your suit in the snow when the other ones are, like, little suitcases.

Maybe I shouldn't say those things, though.

[manofiron]

Maybe. Maybe I'll die. Just think, if I do, then you can take my place.

[veryastute]

Mister Stark is not the sort of human to quietly retire, Mister Hammer. It may take somewhat drastic measures.

[ he should know. 8'( ]

[therealgenius]

[why you gotta do a thing, bro?]

Yeah right. I won't ever appear again. I'm not tragically misunderstood and fodder for legions of fangirls to swoon over. No one wants that when they can have You Know Who and all his blue problems.

[manofiron]

[ Why you gotta call him old?! ]

Do you want that kind of shit following you around? Seriously? Because it's starting to make the paparazzi look tame by comparison.

[therealgenius]

Are you saying you want to see a seventy-year-old Robert Downey Junior reprising the role for a ninth time in something that should just be straight to DVD?

[veryastute]

I'm afraid I don't have an opinion about the matter, Sir.

[therealgenius]

[Why you gotta deny the natural process of the human body!?]

Does my actor get to make a Twitter where he constantly feeds that sort of shit and then does a movie with horses? Can he be the next Horse Whisperer?

Because not even then, no.

[therealgenius]

Horse crap. I'm sure you have a whole slew of opinions. You don't have to be worried about manners or whatever, really. It's okay to have opinions.

[manofiron]

[ Because only care about vanity. ]

No. But hey, chin up. Your actor actually has talent. You know, that thing that doesn't end up railroading a guy into Lifetime movies.

[veryastute]

I'm afraid my opinions tend to be decidedly sarcastic and generally involve distaste for Mister Stark's bad habits.

[therealgenius]

You realize you're not the only one with opinions like that, right?

[veryastute]

Of course, Sir.

[therealgenius]

[And erectile function...]

But men get cast into three roles on Lifetime: rapist, the guy that helps her get over it with his sweet demeanor, and the guy who's just kind of cool but a little nerdy. Coulson's actor was in one. He was the third kind. Come on, he won't end up there. He's too...mild.

[therealgenius]

So, you know, you can say them. If you want to. I don't—don't think I'm giving you, uh. Human to AI not-quite-peer pressure. Because I'm not.

[manofiron]

[ That too. ]

And the lovable dad, brother, or potential love interest dying from cancer. I could see him doing that. He could just stare forlornly at the camera with those big, mopey eyes. Wouldn't even have to act.

[therealgenius]

[At least it hasn't rotted from undetected syphilis?]

Can you not talk about incurable diseases and death in anything regarding you? That'd be great. I'd be really thankful, actually.

[manofiron]

[ HE GOT TESTED A LOT OKAY ]

Hey, you brought it up! Not me. I'm just seeing it through to its natural conclusion.

[ See the pun? See it? ]

[therealgenius]

[YEAH BUT NOT ANYMORE AND WITH CRAZY HOT EX-GIRLFRIEND COMING UP...]

Why don't you go ahead and kick me out into space while you're at it? Let me immortal or what-the-fuck-ever.

[manofiron]

[ THAT WAS A DARK TIME IN HIS LIFE ]

Yeah, no. That's not really my style. Let's not turn this into an episode of It's a Fucked Up Six-Sixteen Life.

[therealgenius]

[It was a dark and stormy night when Tony Stark caught herpes...]

What about It's A Hard Knock Life, complete with musical numbers? Or, if not musical numbers, weird, cracked-out sequences to show tunes or something. Maybe that one whistling thing in Kill Bill. You know, to appeal even more.

[manofiron]

[ IT'S CALLED EXTREMIS, NOT HERPES ]

I'm sorry, are we describing a comic book or a nightmare? Is there a difference? Maybe there isn't a difference.

[therealgenius]

[Herpes is extreme! Extremely damaging to pretty much everything.]

Comic books can be nightmares. Three words: Hulk in space.

That's pretty nightmarish to you, isn't it?

[manofiron]

[ OH MY GOD HE DOESN'T HAVE HERPES ]

Considering he's the only one on the team who doesn't want to hit me, yes. I'd rather not jettison out into space.

Then again, for the moment, and let's hope it's a long moment, I'm not part of the secret handshake club either.