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Entry tags:
musings.
An interesting day it has been, indeed.
I've heard the phrase. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Yet I find it ill fitting as much as I find it not.
Little more needs to be said, writer. Patience, and patience, and patience again. Though at this point, one wonders the reason to even try anymore. Where does it all lead? What will we find?
Why waste the effort, when we simply fall back to the start once more, over and over again until we are naught but a fleeting memory?
I've heard the phrase. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Yet I find it ill fitting as much as I find it not.
Little more needs to be said, writer. Patience, and patience, and patience again. Though at this point, one wonders the reason to even try anymore. Where does it all lead? What will we find?
Why waste the effort, when we simply fall back to the start once more, over and over again until we are naught but a fleeting memory?
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yeah. no. not working. ]
Did you ever? Not that I would expect that from you, either. It is just troubling, brother, to hear speak of giving up.
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Perhaps her unhappiness bleeds. I do not care for it, and long await the day it is over with.
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I know rather well the unhappiness that can be shared. Perhaps it shall pass soon and all your complaints will be rendered moot.
Is there nothing to be done? Though I do not like standing upon opposite sides of a battlefield with you, I cannot say I like this either.
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Not anytime soon, unfortunately. The rest of this month is not promising.
[ he offers a shrug, looking away. ] I do not know. I've not felt this ... restlessness and unease before.
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Small comforts in that this month is rather short, then?
[ and he gives a small smile at that. joking. teasing. trying to lighten the mood. without so much as a second thought, thor reaches out to close his hand around loki's shoulder in a comforting grip. even though he fully expects to be shoved off—it hardly matters. ]
Were there something I could do to ease your discomfort in the slightest, say but the word, Loki. [ he pauses for a moment, the teasing evident in his tone. ] Within reason, of course.
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The smallest of comforts. Near insignificant.
[ Loki supposes it helps a little, he can focus his attention on being annoying at Thor rather than being mopey about everything else. But he does shrug that hand off, because it's what he does. ]
Within reason, of course. Asking that you find a cliff to hurl yourself of would not be, so I merely ask that you leave me to my thoughts.
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There are times one must seek the smallest of comforts in order to rise with the sun the next day.
[ and that, unfortunately, is something thor does know about. he wishes he didn't, but... he does. a sigh leaves his lips and he hesitates, wanting to keep that contact with loki, but also not wanting to make him angry. while this conversation has been all the more troubling, it's better than all the scathing remarks he tends to receive. in the end, he does draw back. ]
I would think were I to die you would rather have that joy of stealing my last breath than allow me that control. [ a smile, wary; sometimes he thinks if that's what loki wants he should give it. but, ultimately, he would rather pull his brother from the darkness to share in the light and be the loki he remembers so fondly, even still. thor knows he can't force much out of loki, and quite frankly he's surprised he's gotten this much. not to say he isn't thankful for it, because just in that moment, he felt like they might be getting somewhere. perhaps even mending one stitch in the centuries of hurt and anguish. ] ...If that is what you wish...
[ but he doesn't want to. 8( tl;dr: just let him love you and make it better, loki. damn. ]
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Mm. [ non-commital. He's not a fan of the sun. Too bright.
And while it is true - it would be the greatest insult Thor could ever do unto him, if he was to get himself killed by any hand that was not Loki's own - he chooses not to respond. It would be his greatest pleasure, suffocating the life from those blue eyes as his own hands wrapped tighter and tighter around Thor's thick neck. He craves nothing more. After, however, is where he is lost. Without Thor to antagonize him, step in his way, demand his little brother come home, what purpose does Loki serve in life without him? What is Loki without Thor?
He sighs, as he folds his arms. If he says anything more it will have been too much. Weakness, that Thor of all people in all the Nine should not see. ] Go, Thor. Your words and your hand bring no comfort.
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Loki...
[ it's barely above a murmur and thor stops himself after, unsure of what to say, what to do. there is more, certainly, that needs to be addressed. but... he doesn't know what to do. any proper guidance he could have sought it a situation such as this, he would have gotten from loki. now, he no longer has that option. it's distressing in more ways than one.
what are they without each other? after loki fell... thor was positive a large piece of him went with loki. nothing felt right. knowing loki was alive had made his heart swell, and then it successfully broke when they were once more face to face. there is so much to make up for, so much thor wants to do to fix the hurt loki feels... but he can't if he keeps getting shut out. not that... that will stop him from trying. he's sort of stubborn that way.
and it's that thought that has his resolve set, his brow furrows in thought. a moment later has his hand curling around the side of loki's neck. ]
They will not because you do not allow them to bring you comfort. Hear me now and heed my words, brother, nothing in the Nine Realms and beyond will force me from your side. Not even you. I may leave your presence now and leave you to your solitude, but know I will chase you—follow you—until the very end. I will still be here.
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Sometimes, he likes to torture Thor with silence. Not saying a word but calculating each and every possible next step in his mind, eyes watching and studying the other, every twitch of his brow and shiver of his skin. Thor's next move is just as expected, and Loki allows the moment of senility that Thor's hand on his neck in most familiar fashion grants him.
It's funny. It's a gesture he likens to only Thor, the only one who would ever have him by the neck and both corner and care for him at the same time with it. He'd been throttled before, for his more dangerous and distressing pranks, but Thor was the only one who would ever grab ahold of him and drag him along to adventure.
It lasts about as long as expected, and Loki's hand swats Thor's away. ] As comforting as your stubbornness.
You will leave now? Or I will do it myself.
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ah. perhaps funnily enough (or maybe not even at all), loki tortures thor without silence, with silence... with anything he does. it never used to be this way, but now... now things have just changed. the fact that he no longer knows who stands before him sends him into questioning peril and tears at his heart. loki needn't do anything but exist and it tortures thor still.
all he can do is sigh when loki pushes him away yet again. it was expected and still it fills him with disappointment and a tender sort of grief. it's a small, innocuous thing—touching loki in such a way—and yet it comforts him. loki is still real, still alive, still here. even if all he does is send thor into a flaming taispin. and try as he might to not let his disappointment show, it does. but, he doesn't try to reach out for him again. ]
...Aye. [ there is only but a brief pause. ] For now. I will always come to you... no matter how far, you will not truly leave my sight.
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There is a part of him that delights in the fact. Knowing that he simply needs to exist, and be that much out of Thor's reach though he could still perhaps physically touch him. But it is always a tenuous hold and Loki can slip through it like wind through the leaves. It's a game, one of the few remaining he can still play. It frustrates them both to no end-- but that's precisely it. There is no end to this.
Because if there ever was- if there was ever Loki without Thor, without conflict, without that accursed other half - Loki ceases to be. If he is without purpose, without an opposing force, what is left for him? Shadow cannot exist without light. ]
Stubborn. [ A quiet remark, almost with a hint of fondness if one is listening close enough. Not restrained by Thor's hand, Loki takes it as his cue to exit, saying nothing more as he turns and walks away. ]