On apping at sweven

[soldierofprotection]

You should be more confident! So long as you're pleased with what you've written, you have nothing to be nervous about -- especially since you like revising your works so much anyway.

N-not that I think there's anything wrong! I'm sure they'll like it, too!

I will be very sad to leave my friends, but I can't be afraid to try new things, even if I wish Usagi-chan and everyone else were coming with me.

But no matter what happens I promise I'll do my best to keep smiling if you will!

Comments

[soldierofprotection]

Usagi-chan would never do that.

[waterfell]

It doesn't matter if you doubt me. I know it for myself.

[soldierofprotection]

And I know her. Doing such a thing, even accidentally, would kill her, and that's not the power of the ginzuishou.

[waterfell]

[The trouble is that it's true. And she will no longer argue; she's used to the disbelief, to Usagi's side taken over hers.]

Then there's no need for us to talk any longer.

[soldierofprotection]

No, wait --!

[She's worried she'll never talk to her again. She's worried this Ami-Chan will go back somewhere that she'll be angry and alone, and she'd never forgive herself for letting it happen without at least trying to do something, say something to set things right. Some battles just aren't fought with fists.]

Just let me say my piece and you can do what you want.

So where you come from it happened. Things are different. The Princess needs us, Mercury. She's strong, and she can light up the world, but she's strong also because she has us, and we have her. We're friends, and friends listen to each other's stories and problems. We protect each other from danger. We cry together and laugh together, and we don't ask for thanks for doing any of that.

But sometimes friends also save each other from themselves. If she appears again and she goes someplace dark it's because we weren't there to pull her back. It'd be because she's alone. Don't let her be alone, and don't let yourself be alone. Okay?

[waterfell]

[Except in Econtra, that strange other world, Usagi had looked into her face and told her the opposite: I have better friends. Who needs you anyway?

Except that if she was alone, it was because of the senshi running everywhere else, falling apart, even always leaving her alone in battle. If she's alone, it's because of Tsukino Usagi.]

I'm not alone. I have my comrades, to fight my enemies.

[soldierofprotection]

What about friends?

[waterfell]

I don't need something that useless.

[That breakable. She's fine as long as those people are simply there. As long as she isn't left alone anymore. She will no longer chase something that doesn't exist, and breaks once it is so easily.]

[soldierofprotection]

They're not useless! [That gets her dander up just a bit more, when for much of his conversation she's managed to stay calm.] We are not useless. You are not useless to me, Ami-chan! Your comrades, do they care if you get hurt? If you cry?

[waterfell]

[No. Those are acceptable in battle; they all know the risks.

But they notice if she's there. They notice if she's not. If she needs backup, they come.

It's more than the senshi.]

I'm capable of taking care of myself.

[soldierofprotection]

But are you happy?

[waterfell]

Of course I am. I've achieved everything I planned to do.

[That's right. She can take what she wants with her own hands. That's a form of happiness, one that doesn't depend on others.]

[soldierofprotection]

You don't sound happy, so I don't think you are.

[She wonders if she sounded like that, back before she met Usagi, before Tomoko, even. Back when she didn't have many or any friends because she had to transfer schools when she got into trouble.]

[waterfell]

[That's probably because... the ones who understand her, and make her feel important to them, exist only in dreams.]

Don't act as if we know each other so well.

[soldierofprotection]

You don't sound like all of a person when you talk. It's in your voice. You sound empty.

[waterfell]

What part of me does? [She keeps her voice entirely dismissive.]

[soldierofprotection]

That's not you, Ami-chan.

[waterfell]

[She repeats the challenge.]

What part of it, isn't?

[soldierofprotection]

The emptiness.

[waterfell]

[She'd laugh.

Or maybe keep it going in one more maddening endless cycle: it's wrong, what's wrong?, it's wrong, what's wrong?

She'd laugh, but she remembers Kunzite's words, the one time they were able to stop struggling against each other and find just a brief moment of peace together:

To see you like this... I wonder if it would vanish in the face of a cold, emotionless Mercury. The prices we pay...

She'd been so young back then. Had she lost after all, the part of herself she wanted to hold on to even after everything? The part he told her many men lost in a life like this? Had her stubbornness given out? Is that what Jupiter is seeing and calling empty?

No. Just once, she'd been able to make her feelings reach someone, when Cloud had needed the strength to fight. She is not empty.

She is not empty.]

I'm not empty.

But what I am, isn't for the use of the sailor senshi and their princess any longer.

[soldierofprotection]

You're not a tool, Mercury. You're not for the 'use' of anybody, because you're a person.

[waterfell]

I see you understand. So I left behind the sailor senshi and their princess who thought otherwise.

[soldierofprotection]

To join the Dark Kingdom which also had use for you.

[waterfell]

I have my own goals there. I'm not beneath any of them.

[The look on Beryl's face when she'd bluntly said so is probably something both of them can laugh at.]

[soldierofprotection]

[A slow, sad shake of her head.]

For your sake, I hope you learn otherwise before it puts you in danger.