On apping at sweven

[soldierofprotection]

You should be more confident! So long as you're pleased with what you've written, you have nothing to be nervous about -- especially since you like revising your works so much anyway.

N-not that I think there's anything wrong! I'm sure they'll like it, too!

I will be very sad to leave my friends, but I can't be afraid to try new things, even if I wish Usagi-chan and everyone else were coming with me.

But no matter what happens I promise I'll do my best to keep smiling if you will!

Comments

[waterfell]

[No. Those are acceptable in battle; they all know the risks.

But they notice if she's there. They notice if she's not. If she needs backup, they come.

It's more than the senshi.]

I'm capable of taking care of myself.

[soldierofprotection]

But are you happy?

[waterfell]

Of course I am. I've achieved everything I planned to do.

[That's right. She can take what she wants with her own hands. That's a form of happiness, one that doesn't depend on others.]

[soldierofprotection]

You don't sound happy, so I don't think you are.

[She wonders if she sounded like that, back before she met Usagi, before Tomoko, even. Back when she didn't have many or any friends because she had to transfer schools when she got into trouble.]

[waterfell]

[That's probably because... the ones who understand her, and make her feel important to them, exist only in dreams.]

Don't act as if we know each other so well.

[soldierofprotection]

You don't sound like all of a person when you talk. It's in your voice. You sound empty.

[waterfell]

What part of me does? [She keeps her voice entirely dismissive.]

[soldierofprotection]

That's not you, Ami-chan.

[waterfell]

[She repeats the challenge.]

What part of it, isn't?

[soldierofprotection]

The emptiness.

[waterfell]

[She'd laugh.

Or maybe keep it going in one more maddening endless cycle: it's wrong, what's wrong?, it's wrong, what's wrong?

She'd laugh, but she remembers Kunzite's words, the one time they were able to stop struggling against each other and find just a brief moment of peace together:

To see you like this... I wonder if it would vanish in the face of a cold, emotionless Mercury. The prices we pay...

She'd been so young back then. Had she lost after all, the part of herself she wanted to hold on to even after everything? The part he told her many men lost in a life like this? Had her stubbornness given out? Is that what Jupiter is seeing and calling empty?

No. Just once, she'd been able to make her feelings reach someone, when Cloud had needed the strength to fight. She is not empty.

She is not empty.]

I'm not empty.

But what I am, isn't for the use of the sailor senshi and their princess any longer.

[soldierofprotection]

You're not a tool, Mercury. You're not for the 'use' of anybody, because you're a person.

[waterfell]

I see you understand. So I left behind the sailor senshi and their princess who thought otherwise.

[soldierofprotection]

To join the Dark Kingdom which also had use for you.

[waterfell]

I have my own goals there. I'm not beneath any of them.

[The look on Beryl's face when she'd bluntly said so is probably something both of them can laugh at.]

[soldierofprotection]

[A slow, sad shake of her head.]

For your sake, I hope you learn otherwise before it puts you in danger.

[waterfell]

In danger?

No one becomes a soldier to be safe.

[soldierofprotection]

You're Ami-chan first.

[waterfell]

You should know better than anyone: Mizuno Ami is the one who'll disappear anyway.

It's Mercury that will still live on when that happens.

[soldierofprotection]

Even if that were true that would still mean she deserves a happy life.

[waterfell]

I'll choose that life for myself.

[soldierofprotection]

But will you be happy? Are you even searching for that anymore, or is it something else?

[waterfell]

I chased after my happiness. That brought me here.

[She doesn't know if the life she has now is exactly the one she wanted.

But she thinks there's a better chance.]