canon is sandman slim

[outofclothes]

I'm not one to judge about half-assed plans and I get doing what you can with what you got, but I'm nowhere near a fan of this.

But hey, what's one more entity I'm not supposed to be able to comprehend running the show and using me for whatever they've got in mind. You're really all the same when you get down to it, so get in line, sweetheart.

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[patheticvillain]

Knew I should've saved those fresh-baked cookies for someone who was having a really bad day.

[outofclothes]

Bad day? Aim a little higher. Decade going onto decades is a little more accurate.

But I guess it's the thought that counts.

[patheticvillain]

So they tell me.

You'd think fancy white space would have snacks, though. Everybody eats their feelings.

[outofclothes]

Fuck that.

Maledictions and Aqua Regia or I'm walking.

[But okay, some apple fritters would be amazing, too.]

[patheticvillain]

Uh-huh. Walking where?

[outofclothes]

You clearly don't know me that well. Or haven't been paying attention.

[He never thinks that far.]

[patheticvillain]

Nope. But I'm guessing your boots were made for walking.

[outofclothes]

Hey, I busted out of Hell two times. What's busting out of someone's head compared to that?

[patheticvillain]

Gorier? More cramped? I can't really say I've done either.

[outofclothes]

I'm demanding a goddamn medal if I somehow make it out of here gorier than leaving Downtown. [He was thinking of that first time and having to murder Azazel to do it, but then there were those hellhounds that ran off a cliff the second time. That probably made a pretty mess.] Either time.

[patheticvillain]

Is this one of those don't-ask-don't-tell things, or are you planning to share with the class?

[outofclothes]

Hey, I'm used to people who get entirely unnerved with anything to do with Downtown or Lucifer. Unless it's a pretty girl. Then I might try for the mysterious angle.

But if you really want to know, the first time I had to murder one of Lucifer's generals to get out and the second time a couple of hellhounds plummeted to their untimely deaths.

[A pause.]

Now that I think on it, getting out of here might be more like the second one with the brain splatter and juice going everywhere.

[patheticvillain]

Never tried that angle before. Although I hope you don't talk about brain splatter to the pretty girls in your life.

I like that, though. Downtown. Does Hell have a new PR guy?

[outofclothes]

[He grins.]

Only the ones worth my time.

Nah, just got two Lucifers in less than a year.

[patheticvillain]

Turnover's always hard in a business.

[outofclothes]

And also quite delicious.

[He smiles because he knows that's a horrible joke.]

[patheticvillain]

. . . Seriously?

[outofclothes]

I actually would've been upset if you had laughed.

[patheticvillain]

I would've been upset if you'd expected me too. You need better material. Do stand-up, maybe.

[outofclothes]

I like my material the way it is.

[patheticvillain]

Shitty?

[outofclothes]

The word you're looking for is perfect.

[monsteroftheriver]

Higher powers are nothing without their meddling.

[outofclothes]

Truer words have never been spoken.

[monsteroftheriver]

I don't think this one will need a line, however.

[outofclothes]

No, she's somehow managed to surpass Samael and God in the Douche of the Year contest.

She's already semi-starting to conspire about where to send me.

[monsteroftheriver]

Impressive. Very impressive.

Muns work fast.

[outofclothes]

I'm hoping she'll stay stuck in the hypothetical stage and maybe change her mind, but she's got a little enabler.

[And well, the universe likes taking a metaphorical shit all over his life, so what else is new?]

[monsteroftheriver]

An enabler? Then you might be out of luck.

[outofclothes]

Fortunately, I'm pretty used to having none.

[monsteroftheriver]

I imagine that going somewhere new might be like a vacation, in that case.

[outofclothes]

Yeah, I don't exactly score a Caribbean cruise when I got on a vacation.